The First Real Christmas

Fall babies don't really have a first Christmas worth mentioning. They are still in the larval stage and barely able to sit up, and some can't even roll over at that point. Pretty much, the first Christmas is a wash.

The second, however, is lots more fun.

I tried to honor my son's preferences and got him things that might seem strange to other people. I also made him some items (mentioned in earlier posts).

It was so worth it. Kiddo had this moment almost every gift where his brows would raise as he took in the sight of the new toy and then his face would glow with the sweetest smile. It was priceless.

The biggest winners for this were the three Christmas rubber duckies, a stuffed penguin, hand puppets, and yes, Mommy's baby doll.

In fact the baby doll was such a hit Kiddo actually cuddled it off and on the whole time it was in sight. He cuddled it right up to bed.

Folks, we may finally have a bedtime lovey!

He got a lot of really wonderful items besides the above. Blocks, books, puzzles, bath toys, music toys, and of course, plenty of really great clothes for both now and the next size up. It was so much more than we expected, we were overwhelmed, Kiddo included (He wasn't sure what to play with!).

It was a big day full of family time and fun exploring new, different things. The high point for me after the doll cuddle was when he leaned down in his daddy's arms to give great grandma a kiss goodnight. What a sweet boy! I couldn't imagine being blessed with a more wonderful son or more generous and gracious family. Thankfully we have days like Christmas to showcase such things.

Alien Shot Disaster or 15 Month Well Baby

Kiddo had his 15 month well baby this past Friday. I knew going in he was getting shots, so I enlisted the assistance of Grandad to ensure maximum success.

It was, in short, a disaster.

He remembered.

When the nurse took his measurements (31.3 in, 24 lbs 4 oz, and 19 head circumference) he gave her the stink eye. She had to prove the pen she was holding was just a pen. He struggled as she took his temp using his forehead.

Then, when we saw the doctor, he cried as soon as the man brought out his light to check Kiddo's eyes. He barely allowed the doctor to look at his eyes, so forget ears and throat. Then he did not want a stethoscope on him at all.

The doctor managed a few seconds of listening to his chest before Kiddo wriggled away.

Then of course, came the real show. When he went into the vaccine/test room, he was calm at first. We warned the nurses he remembered getting shots, so they were extra nice. The pointed to the holiday decorations and he was calm. He thought he had avoided shots. Of course that was when we had to pull down his pants to expose his chubby thighs for vaccines and take off a sock and shoe to grab hold of his toe for a blood count.

He struggled so much it was painful to hold him. He wailed so hard his face went purple. It broke my heart but I would rather a few moments of distress than sterility, paralysis, or death.

When it was over, the nurses rummaged through their cabinet to give him a rather large frog squeak toy. At first he didn't take it, but as soon as we left the room, he grabbed it, enjoying the big eyes and chewable texture.

It was a difficult visit, but now Kiddo is up to date with his vaccines and he is still pronounced perfect according to the medical profession. He has hit or surpassed the development bar in all aspects. I am so grateful not only that we had insurance to cover the visit, and kindness of the staff, but especially for the continued health and excited joy of my beloved little boy.

At Christmas more than ever, the blessing of my family is on my mind. How wonderful it is to have them with me, happy, healthy, and whole!

Thanks Obama. ;-)

DIY Upcycle: Baby Doll

I have a few videos that need editing before they can be posted. With that in mind...I figured it was a good time to post another homemade present!

I can do that for a few more years...

I read that all children - boys and girls - need a baby doll. Looking at most purchase options, I was less than thrilled. Determined that Kiddo should have a doll, I decided I would sew one myself.

This was the most ambitious sewing craft I have EVER done, especially considering it is handsewn. Originally I had white denim, thinking it would hold up to abuse better than cotton knit. In the end, I decided to use a pale knit for the limbs. As an impatient person, I did not measure or trace. I eyeballed the limbs. I traced the body shape from another stuffed animal of Kiddo's. I designed a face and embroidered this first. I added a belly button.

Then I cut pieces of green knit to be a cloth diaper on the baby (permanent). I pinned these to the base of the body. I stuffed the sewn limbs with some empty fabric at the end to allow them to attach easily (and for limb movement). I stitched these on leaving a space on the side of the body so I could turn it back out. Knowing what I know now, I would have ironed the edges in and stitched the doll on the outside. C'est le guerre.

Turning out was hard because of the denim body, but I was successful. Once done, I stuffed the doll and stitched it closed. Finally I took three embroidery floss braids (three strands each) and folded them. I wove a needle through them and stitched them to the doll's head to make hair.

Voila! Baby doll! Is it perfect? No. I could have done a few different things to make it more professional looking... BUT I am not a seamstress. I'm a mom. This was my biggest sewing craft ever and I didn't follow anyone's instructions. Considering that, I think I did really well and I'm certain Kiddo will love it come Christmas morning. :-)

DIY Upcycle: T-shirt Pillow

I'm making a lot of Christmas presents this year. Part of it is because baby presents are relatively easy. Part is I like upcycling. Part of it is resource availablity.

That said, Kiddo is getting a few keepsake items made from things lying around and a little dollar store ingenuity.

I got some embroidery floss from the dollar store along with needles for a puppet project a while back (never got to it). I do have a sewing machine, but it is MIA so I have to do everything by hand. Fortunately now I have a little time and a lot of fabric scraps. Unfortunately some of my best sewing time is when Kiddo is entertaining himself. This meant he saw one of the presents intended for Christmas...and it became an advent gift.

Christian has a bunch of old shirts that shrank with various graphics etc. One happened to have an R1200 GS motorcycle on it. Another had stylized "BMW Motorrad" on it. I cut out the motorcycle and then traced that shape on the BMW shirt. I split the embroidery floss to sew with 3 strands as opposed to 6. I chose to embrace the handsewn look and have the stitching outside, as one might find with some Indian pieced accessories. I rolled extra/uneven edges making it a little more interesting and crossed the stitching, if casually. Once the pillow was mostly stitched, I stuffed it with some filling I got at a craft store (20 oz for $5!). I sewed the last little bit, at which point Kiddo wanted it (and Grandma suggested handing it to him not knowing my intention...sigh). Considering his extensive present list, it's alright to let him have one thing early, even if he refused to have his picture taken with it.

The Tao of the Toddler

Kiddo has really come into toddlerhood in the last couple weeks. It is obvious in many ways.

First, he has progressed from whimpering mildly to full on tantrums.

I call them his Tasmanian Devil tantrums. They involve growling, biting, and shaking his head really fast in frustration. That's often the opening number, which can lead to the red faced silent cry, on to the long wail which can last several minutes.

It is an art form.

But that's not all! He runs. Well actually, he drifts around corners while holding his hands up in the air and squealing. Sometimes he does this in the gait of an orangutan, with slightly bent bowed legs. The accompanying head wobble really makes this.

Or there is the growl...which he does periodically. Sometimes he does this while holding his hands up like a raptor. I have no idea where he got that one.

There's also the random words and phrases that come out. He loves his nativity set - especially Baby Jesus and the animals. He says "Jesus." He also says "wacky" because of his Dr. Seuss book Wacky Wednesday. He tries to say "baby" and "gone" and "thank you." He frequently squeals "I did it!" or "I get (got) it!"

Of course Kiddo blows raspberries on my belly to make me laugh and teases, pretending to offer toys, but pulls them away. Sometimes he dances, moving from side to side like a drunk introverted prom attendee. Along these lines, Kiddo spins around in circles, usually toward bed time (winding down?) but occasionally during the day. I joke that he's apprenticing to be a dervish.

His attention span has shortened during his active times, so much so that often he can't sit through a page of a story because he wants to explore everything...and move.

Communication definitely makes our time more enjoyable and Kiddo is a constant source of entertainment. Toddlers may be high energy and sometimes difficult, but they are also a lot of fun. I am really enjoying this stage. Even when he paints his pants with yogurt. Seriously.

Happy Thanksgiving

Holidays are my favorite. I love the rituals of them, the time with friends and family, seasonal decorations, and of course food.

This year I am particularly thankful for:
1. Being able to cook several major dishes for T Day with Christian and my in-laws.
2. Christian's grandma joining our festivities.
3. My parents joining festivities.
4. Kiddo's sweetness and enjoyment in being at Grandma's house.
5. The opportunities we've been given for the next year. They are truly amazing and I am so excited about our possibilities as individuals and a family.
6. My husband, who works so hard and loves us so much.
7. My baby boy who always puts a smile on my face.
8. Technology that allows us to document the whole thing...

Have a wonderful holiday! May it be filled with blessings, good food, wonderful people, and beauty. This is my heart's deepest wish for everyone celebrating today.

Delightful Moments

It's been a crazy few weeks. With everything going on, it can get a bit difficult to make time for some of the things that need to get done. It can be difficult to be present in the moment when my mind wants to do a million and one other things.

I am getting better though.

Things I am noticing and enjoying these days are:

1. Kiddo's facial expressions. He rolls his eyes. He does a Stevie Wonder impression. He smirks.
2. Playing chase, catch (sort of), and dodge ball.
3. Dancing. Kiddo sways and bops...not at the same time.
4. Echoing melody lines. He'll sing something, I repeat or the opposite.
5. Cuddles. An oldie but a goodie.
6. Short sentences. I get. I go. I do it.
7. Requests. Uh (up), whimpers for another song verse, nursing, naps, walks, and books.
8. New discoveries.
9. Delight in life...all the time.
10. Sleep...of course.

There are others, but these are the things I'm keeping close to my heart. These are my memory treasures and daily delights. I rest in them. Parents all have and need them. They make life so much better.

Video: Toddler Veterans Day Salute

This was just so amazing...I wish I could have gotten it up that day but Kiddo is molar teething which means everything is a battle. So, with that in mind, here's a toddler saluting.

Walk Awesome (Video)

After a slightly disheartening election night (proposition results and loss of the senate) I think it's definitely time for a bright moment. With that in mind - for your enjoyment - here is a favorite video of Kiddo walking, talking, laughing, and giving a great butt wiggle.

A Real Boy

When you cut a baby's hair, he becomes a real boy.

He laughs at the sound of his farts, or grins before he passes gas. He laughs when he pulls your shirt up to nurse (peek-a-boob?). He bangs his face against the tile floor and wails when he doesn't get what he wants. He launches himself off anything and everything. He gets marker all over his clothes. He dumps his entire cup of water all over the floor. He pulls half of grandma's cookbooks off the shelf. He blows raspberries on your belly to make you laugh. He growls low in his throat just because. He claps when he's happy. He yells at the top of his lungs just to hear his voice.

He becomes a toddler.

Thinking about the transformation gets my throat tight. I looked at every picture in my phone after it happened. I tried to commit that babyish fly-away sweetness to memory. I kept a lock from his first haircut for his baby book. There's no going back.

Walks Like A Duck

Kiddo loves ducks. He really does. He has 2 rubber duckies AND an inflatable duckie tub. He likes the pictures of ducks in several of his books.

He likes them so much he actually will excitedly cry out "Duck! Duckie! Duck! Duckie!" just before or on the duck page.

In fact it was the duck page that got him walking unassisted the end of last week. At first it was just one or two steps towards a book. Then it was 6 to get a much loved toy. Then it was across the room for anything and everything...sometimes.

Kiddo it turns out, is cautious.

Even though his halting gait gets him across a room successfully, he prefers to hold hands. He prefers it so much he will whine, whimper, and finally wail if he doesn't get to hold hands.

His caution extends to people and objects as well. With people he doesn't know or isn't sure about he will cling to me. If they go to touch him, he pulls his body away from them, casting a look of such concern it makes people heartbroken.

When Kiddo explores a new object for the first time, he pokes at it with his index finger. Then he presses it. If it doesn't smoosh, he grabs it, moving it around, switching it from hand to hand. Finally when he has seen every angle and made every sound he can with it, he sticks it in his mouth.

So while Kiddo has a streak of caution that puts a crick in my lower back, I will take it. I would rather have that then the alternative.

From Two to Three and Back Again

I feel like I have motherhood down. I mean, we have routines. I research milestones before we reach them, and potential difficulties, and we are prepared beforehand. We have strong bonds: Kiddo is close to his grandparents, Christian, and myself. He eats veggies and fruit. He nurses. He likes books. He plays by himself now. Things are going well.

Of course, just because I have the mother thing down does not mean that I have the wife and self thing down. Having a baby changes who you are and your relationship with your partner. The rebalancing act required to manage those pieces is still happening over a year after Kiddo's birth. Differences in expectations came out and continue to be managed (Think: "No, playing on your phone is not watching Kiddo!" "But everything has to be PERFECT!" "I need alone time too!" "I'm really tired!").

It was clear that both Christian and I needed to be clear about what kind of parents we wanted to be as well as how we need to parent together. This was necessary not only to have a united front for when Kiddo can talk, but also for us as partners.

And then there was the issue of you know, spending time together as a couple apart from anything parent related.

I've mentioned before this past year has been rough - for many reasons. Slowly Christian and I have been wading through the quagmire and coming to a clearer better place. It has taken many late night talks, and fights, and whine fests to our respective support systems. Honestly, I still don't know what that better place means, or what all the details will be, but I am feeling better about many things.

The good moments are becoming more frequent. Our equilibrium is slowly returning. After doctoral applications (mine) are in and Ducati video classes (his) are done, I see dates in our future. Maybe even before then. And that's pretty exciting.

It is easy to forget about your partner as your partner after becoming parents, however you must remember. Integrating the new identity "parent" is part of that puzzle. Figuring out how to manage your relationship around that role is essential. This is how you truly move from committed couple or parent and child to a complete family. It may take work. It may be hard. But it is definitely worth it.

Video: Say Hello Kiddo!

In celebration of the fact that I took my GRE (one hurdle down) AND I OFFICIALLY weigh less than the month before I became pregnant, here is a cute video of Kiddo.

Sick But Sweet

The cold has made it's rounds. My brother and sister-in-law got it. Christian got it. Kiddo got it. And of course, now I have it. I slept for 5 hours before waking up with a totally stuffed nose. Needless to say, hours later, I was still awake and trying to clear my head.

This didn't bother Christian or Kiddo. Every time I blew my nose, they kept on snoozing. Eventually Kiddo wanted to nurse. We did and then he went back to sleep while I suffered being awake. And then as I sat in bed, propped by pillows, Kiddo rolled over and wrapped his arms around me. It didn't matter if I moved, played on my phone, or blew my nose. He stayed cuddled up to me.

I just love this sweet boy.

A New Birthday

Last night my niece was born. She was 8 lbs 11 oz and 20 inches. She was alert and eager to eat. My sister-in-law (SIL) was fine, but exhausted.

I am proud of my SIL. She was induced for a medical reason and she fought hard to have as natural a birth as possible. Of course, induction makes things harder because a woman's body isn't ready. Of course she went to the hospital. They monitored her in every way and things moved slowly. She wasn't allowed to eat except gelatin and ice chips.

Things moved along and her body wasn't quite as ready as my niece was to be born. More augmentation was needed. An epidural brought the process to a head and my niece was born vaginally.

My SIL did sooooo well during her contractions. She did so well the entire time. It was the first time I have seen birth (in person) from that perspective - the one supporting, not birthing. More than ever I am convinced that birth is the pinnacle of femininity and feminine power.

I am convinced that we, as women, need to claim our birthright (in every sense of the word). Our birthing needs to be respected, treasured, and guarded.

I was appalled at the words coming out of doctors and nurses as I supported my SIL. They talked flippantly  about how crazy natural birth is and how impossible it is for a woman to give birth in that manner. They talked about how God gave us drugs so we could use them (equating them with Round-Up to eradicate weeds...riiiight. Exactly.). They said these things despite the fact my SIL wanted natural birth and she was trying so hard to achieve it. Maybe they were trying to make her feel better about taking an epidural, I don't know. It felt like they just wanted her on the drugs even before it became clear what path the birth would take.

I thought we were supposed to support laboring women. I thought we were supposed to do what is best in each and every birth. Call me crunchy, but I thought there were reasons for natural birth - just like there are reasons for medical intervention! The process isn't pain - it's muscle contraction and stretching. Muscle contraction and stretching needs drugs? This implies every time we workout to failure, we need narcotics.

Wait, what?

But this is the logic.

It ignores the gifts this process gives women and babies. It ignores the millennia behind this process. It ignores the fact this is the supreme moment of feminine power and takes it away from us.

Sorry. No. I don't accept that.

I am so proud of my SIL - all the work she did. She was so good through the process. I am so glad she got her vaginal birth. I knew she could do it. I knew she would do it. After all, that is what our bodies were made for.

...And Many More: 1 Year Well Baby Visit

12 Month Molar Drool!

Well, Kiddo is now up-to-date. He had his 12 month well baby visit on Wednesday and we got his stats:

30.75 inches long
22 lbs 14 oz
18.25 cm around his noggin

He's just above the 50% according to the clinic. I'm not sure if that's all babies, or just breastfed babies. They didn't get into that. All I know is that Kiddo is now just slightly above average in size.

I knew his growth would peter out, but I didn't realize how sharply it would drop off. To go from 90% at birth to 50% a year later seems crazy...except of course, he's normal. Everyone has always said he was perfectly normal, which is good when talking development. You want normal. I feel blessed to have normal. I really do.

Part of me thinks exceptional would be bigger, or smaller, and it would, but maybe exceptional is also smack dab in the middle. Average is how beauty is determined - the average sized nose is ideal. The average sized eyes is perfect. The average cheek bone is desirable. Not too much, not too little - each body part has a Goldie Locks zone.

Kiddo is the archetype of Goldie Locks when it comes to his body. I mean, he does have really small feet (Is that a thing for guys in mainland China? If it is, I think Kiddo could totally win that game!) and his torso is slightly longer and, okay, his hips are kind of wide... but that's nit picking. Just a cursory glance and you'd think this kid is perfect. And really, that's what parents want. That's what I wanted.

The crazy active nursing that involves butts hiked high into the air and legs going straight up past my ears is no thang compared to having a developmentally on target kid. The sassiness and explosive temper tantrums that began at 9 months or so is not a problem at all. I don't mind.

I don't mind because Kiddo hits every milestone like clockwork. My pregnancy was like that too. Everything was textbook when it came to the nausea coming  or going, the kicks being felt, his measurements in the ultrasounds etc etc. In many ways, the whole process has been perfectly average. And I thank GOD every day that it is. With everything else topsy turvy in my life, I couldn't handle Kiddo being sick. I would break. Permanently.

And because I can't handle Kiddo being sick, I was even more grateful for the series of expensive vaccines he got courtesy of MediCal. Because of insurance issues throughout his short life, Kiddo was behind on his shots. It really bothered me. I'm not one of those women who doesn't believe in scientific inquiry. On the contrary, I read and research a ton about various aspects of child health so that I can make informed decisions.

I'd like Kiddo to not die of a preventable illness, or become deaf, or sterile, or crippled for life because I was too crazy not to vaccinate. That is not a gamble I'm willing to make. Not even remotely. So I don't cry when I have to hold Kiddo still so he can get both thighs and arms pricked while he's screaming his head off. I feel relieved when he has a low grade fever and a little bruise next to the injection site because he has an injection site.

Happy Birthday Baby!

...and thanks Obama.

I have to thank the President once again for making health care available to the pleblic. Kiddo might be naturally healthy and perfect to look at, but I need a little help to keep him that way. It's nice to know I won't have to worry about something as important as my child's health.

Night Nursing Happens

If you're planning on breastfeeding - which you should because of a gazillion benefits to mom and baby - you need to be prepared.

I don't know why people are delusional when it comes to feeding schedules, but they are, particularly at night. I have read all kinds of things about night feedings. I have read about the time babies should sleep through the night (Sleep through the night?! What does this even mean?!). Some people say babies should stop night nursing at 6 months. Some say 9. Others a year.

Here's the thing folks - the average breastfed human baby across the world doesn't self wean (day or night) until anywhere between 3 and 5 YEARS. That's NORMAL.

Ahem.

That means everyone talking about months is just plumb crazy. Get over the month thing! It's not happening. Get comfy! The baby belongs at the breast and the toddler too! Day and night!

My family makes fun of Kiddo saying he'll nurse until he's a teen. Well...that is another kind of crazy and NOT happening. He'll wean on his own some time in the next few years...just as all human babies do. And I will be sad when that happens.

I will be sad because I like night nursing. I like the cuddling and closeness. I like the sweetness. I like that Kiddo will curl up to me even if he's warm and I'm cold. I like his satisfied sigh as if everything is right in the world.

And it is. I can tell it is when he wakes up with a smile on his face and blows me kisses. Then he snuggles in close to sing to me. These are the moments mothers live for. Night nursing is totally worth it.

Singing Baby

Speaking of Kiddo's antics... here he is singing.

Happy Birthday Baby! A First Year Retrospective

It's been a year. I've been a mom for a year. It seems crazy. I mean, I feel like yesterday I gave birth (Okay, well maybe not yesterday. You know, I can sit down comfortably and I'm not using a sitz bath...thank GOD!) and now Kiddo is threatening to walk!

My smooshy newborn love

It's pretty wild that a year go, Kiddo was a red, smoosh-faced sleepy, poopy, floppy newborn. This is especially wild considering that now he has some words, plays jokes, chases, laughs, sings, and dances (with help). It's crazy that he can climb up and down stairs, pets Java the Cat when he's sleepy, and cuddles his stuffed animals that he makes babble. It's crazy that he poses for pictures.

It's been a crazy year. Our family has suffered a lot during Kiddo's first year of life. We've experienced tremendous financial hardship (and we're still working to remove that burden). We sacrificed independence and pride and moved in with my parents. I underwent a lot of personal exploration and development, which also forced a lot of issues within my marriage which had been quietly festering. These things forced Christian to confront his choice of profession (and the resulting difficulties), as well as his role as husband and father.

My active charming 1 year wonder

Meanwhile, Kiddo was largely unaware of these things. He, despite everything, grew and even thrived. Everywhere we go, people comment on his charming nature. They adore his sweet smiles, waves, singing, and even his more spectacular antics (more about those in subsequent posts).

While this year has been difficult, it was also full of joy, wonder, and laughter. Kiddo is an amazing and unusual kid who prefers vegetables to fruit, syncopated rhythms, and entertaining anyone who is wiling to watch him for longer than 2 seconds. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Happy Birthday Baby! We love you so much.

Activity Cubes For The Win!

Over the course of my fledgling motherhood, I've discovered a few trade secrets:

1. You can never have too many wipe containers around.
2. Always have two extra outfits, no matter what your age (kids and parents included).
3. Never underestimate the power of a well-made age-appropriate toy.

Kiddo is turning 1 in a few days. Christian and I decided to give him an activity cube. They aren't cheap. I researched the cheap little ones and the stupid ginormous ones. In the end, I found a cube that was well made and wouldn't break the bank - the B Zany Zoo cube.

I liked what I read about the cube online, and discovered Target carries them. So I went in person to inspect the thing. It has the same activities as many more expensive cubes. It used nice vibrant paints, and had interesting shapes, all in a zoo theme. It's a perfectly gender neutral toy.

I put it in the cart and Kiddo turned around and stood up, reaching over the seat back to play with the beads and wood animals. He did this the entire route through the store and out into the parking lot.

Seeing as Kiddo has no idea when his birthday is, we gave him the toy the same day. He played with it for an hour straight. The next day he played with it for 40 minutes straight. The good thing is, even though he loves playing with it, there are things he still can't do on several surfaces. There are things he doesn't understand and there are teaching moments with Mommy or Daddy. I can see this being a well-loved toy, especially when Mom or Dad need Kiddo to play independently.

The Priority Shuffle: At-Home Time Management

I've been thinking a lot about priorities lately. I have to. As a mom, I don't have time to fritter away. Every second is precious and so I consciously choose how to spend each one.

It may sound a little tedious, but it isn't practically.

When I choose how I spend my time, I am more productive. I get more done in the time I have because I know I only have so much time to devote to a given task. So right now, for example, I'm writing a blog post while nursing Kiddo to sleep. Yeah. Supermom.

I also enjoy my tasks more when I am consciously deciding how to spend my time. I feel successful when I get a blog post written as I am right now. I feel blessed when I get to play with my son or read him a story.

The trouble is of course, there is a lot to get done and I have to juggle things in such a way that sometimes it is uncomfortable. When I sleep later and have to workout with Kiddo awake in the pack n' play, he's not too happy. Scrambling to get the diaper laundry and Christian's work clothes done while Kiddo is occupied in his play seat or the play yard is not easy. Often there is crying or whining involved.

I'm finding more and more that my personal needs that don't dovetail with others get pushed to the wayside. I really want to paint my toenails and file them etc, but I just don't have the time. I'd love to put lotion on my skin, but again, I don't have the time. Honestly, I have to force time to brush my teeth. Only through creative management am I able to eat regularly.

I'm also discovering that generally speaking, men have a hard time understanding this. People who are not at home parents have a hard time understanding this.

There are a few kinds of people right now who are seriously bugging me with their lack of understanding about at-home parent time management:

1.Women with nannies who still claim they don't have time (what are they doing with all that extra time???)
2. Working parents or childless people who ask, what are you doing all day?
3. And of course, parents who shirk their responsibilities placing an unequal load without a break on the parent at-home (because the at-home parent has all that time!).

I use every second of my day and I still miss things, forget things, etc. I manage my time very well. Even when I force the issue, there are still things that don't get done (like workouts, or alone time, or eating). I prioritize, balance, and limit things. It takes a lot of discipline to study GRE when I'd rather write while Kiddo naps. But these are the choices I make while at-home. This is how I work to make my life better.

I am sure there are some at-home parents who don't do these things. My guess is, however, most are like me. Too bad their priority balancing act generally isn't valued or seen for what it truly is.

Ode to My Husband: Happy Anniversary

so expressive...

Okay, I know I already posted about money today (something on my mind as I start shelling out the big bucks to apply to grad school) but...

It is an important day. It's our 6th anniversary. So I thought I would share some things I learned/like/love about Christian, for ... giggles. :-)

Hipsters 4 LYFE!

1. Christian is very silly. While he can't express his deep emotions very well, he has an incredibly expressive face that shows every little thought that flicks through his mind. The result is a nightly laugh fest at dinner time.
2. He has child-like excitement about the world. When something strikes his fancy, he learns everything he possibly can, and then can't wait to share it all with you - even if you have no interest whatsoever. He has enough interest for the both of you.
3. Christian has an amazing autopilot. He sets up routines in his mind so strongly sometimes he forgets he is on auto pilot. He ends up doing the auto pilot anyway, even if he wanted to do something else (example: getting off the 101 at Patterson Ave exit when he wanted to get off at Fairview).
4. I have NEVER met someone with a stronger protective/crisis instinct (except maybe his mom). If there is blood, bruising, crying, or possible destruction, Christian's reflexes take over. This is what made him kill baby rattle snakes at the age of 11 when they threatened his baby nephew. It is what kept Kiddo from being hurt when they tumbled down the stairs and Christian twisted mid fall to allow Kiddo to safely land on top of him. This instinct is something to behold.
5. Christian does game theory problems in his head before going to sleep at night...for fun.  Seriously.
6. At least once a day, he sketches out some potential invention or schematic either to explain a concept to someone else, or to get an idea into the world and out of his head.
7. No one has made me as dizzy through layered conversation as Christian. When other people have no idea what I'm referencing (which happens all the time), Christian does most of the time, and then he gives me something just as obscure and fun back.
8. Christian and I are about the same level of genre nerd - just slightly different types. Where he dove deep into hard sci-fi, I was waltzing around fantasy. As a result, we meet in the middle for fun discussions of themes, problems, and social commentary.

   

   Dahntahn

9. We share the same central progressive Christian beliefs, which makes raising a kid in the Church a lot easier (thank GOD!).
10. Christian is able to negotiate my kind of crazy extremely well, which is something I wasn't sure I would ever find. It goes a long way to making me feel validated even when my hormones turn me into Ms. Hyde.
11. Christian is willing to try things, especially if he can see where they might work better. This means we're never stuck doing the same old same old unless we want to be.
12. Christian makes me feel physically safe. I have never felt in danger with him ever. He knows how to handle himself in any location, with any group of people. This is something important to me, someone who grew up in a city where language and appearance could result in disaster if you stuck out.
13. He tries really hard to be a good dad. He changes diapers, gives baths, and sings songs off pitch. He wrestles and tickles and carries Kiddo. And Kiddo loves him so much, he asks for him every day while Christian is at work.
14. Christian compliments me and says "I love you" every day, at least once, but usually many times.
15. Even after being married for 6 years, it still feels good just to hold his hand.
    
    Happy Anniversary Christian! Life wouldn't be nearly as much of an adventure without you.
    

14 Things Your Parents Never Told You About Money

I thought everyone knew how to balance a checkbook. I thought everyone realized you need to anticipate major payments. I thought everyone knew how to manage their money. I thought these things were taught to everyone because my parents taught me.

I should have known all parents are not created equal.

Because of that, let me share a few helpful hints on how to save yourself some financial grief and protect your credit (and hopefully we all share with our own kids):

1. Every item you pay for with a card doesn't come out of your account immediately. Sometimes it takes a week. Sometimes it is that night. Whenever it comes out, you CANNOT count on your bank balance being accurate.
2. Keep your receipts until a payment shows up on your account.
3. Write every amount in your ledger (or other accounting tracker - spreadsheet, app, whatever).
4. Make payments on time. If you can't, contact the company. They may be able to help you. If you don't do either of these things, your credit is definitely going down and you may be charged fees (Sucks being poor, doesn't it?).
5. If you are forgetful, auto payment is a life saver. That said, you need to anticipate the payment. Set a reminder a week in advance letting you know when the amount will be withdrawn so that you don't spend money that is already spoken for.
6. Never spend more than you earn. Duh...but a lot of people do. To help prevent this, make a weekly budget. This may take some research and time to figure out, but it will help you in the long run.
7. Pay cash. When you have cash, you are more aware of how much you're paying for things and how much money you have remaining. It helps curb your spending.
8. If you have a credit card, keep a low balance. Don't pay it completely off because that will ding your credit (weird but true).
9. If you have big payments, check to make sure they go through. If they don't, you need to contact the company you were paying. Something may be wrong (and you don't want to be charged a fee or get your credit dinged).
10. If you have big loans, try to make as large of payments as possible to pay them down as quickly as possible. The sooner you pay them off, the less you will pay. This is because compound interest will suck you dry over the life of a loan (Ah! Another way rich stay rich and poor stay poor!).
11. Sales are not always good ideas. A sale is only useful if it is an item you actually need at a price you are able to spend that is lower than you can get elsewhere. Sometimes a sale price at one store is higher than a regular price for the same item at another store.
12. Never buy something you don't need, no matter how much you want it, when you have other things you need. Health, food, and shelter always come before a fancy pair of heels or multi-function knife. Always.
13. Health, food, and shelter always come before pets, entertainment and addictions. Diapers and cereal are more important than cable or alcohol or cigarettes. This should be a nobrainer, but some people have no brains soooo....
14. Communicate with your partner and children about money. It will save everyone a great deal of stress and heartache and false expectations.

 What things did your parents teach you about money? What lessons do you intend to teach your kids about money? Leave a comment below!

Post Baby Belly: Nightmares and Fantasies

Raisin.
Dried fig.
A shriveled apricot.

This is the appearance of that excess tummy skin some women are blessed with even months and years after pregnancy.

I have read everything I can about this and I am losing weight slowly but... I still have some wrinkled weird looking jelly belly happening below my belly button. It makes me incredibly self-conscious. I am painfully aware of short shirts that with the slightest movement could display this striped wrinkled monstrosity to the cold light of day.

This is what nightmares are made of. I am not documenting this...well maybe for myself, but not for anyone else to see. That's just not right.

Mine isn't as bad as some women's and I am hopeful that it will eventually find its way back to something close to normal. In the mean time, I forget to anxiously massage lotion into the area more than I would like. I then proceed to stare with critical eyes every trip past a mirror.

What can I do? I didn't realize having a baby would mean I might never be able to have a smooth belly again!

There are things I can do...like lose weight slowly, lotion it up, and drink uber amounts of water...but I am notoriously bad at doing these kinds of things. I mean, I was pretty good before Kiddo, but now I'm lucky if I brush my teeth. If I floss once and brush twice, it's a good day. Seriously.

On a side note, I am amazed more women don't have dental implants by 45. Are our teeth better just long enough to last through child bearing? These are the questions that keep me up at night...

That and my remaining jelly belly.

I'm not as worried about it as I was before starting my exercise regime. Now I feel like most of it will shrink back. I just wish the process was faster. I see all these celebs with their perfect bodies post baby and it makes me really cranky. I mean, why can't I have that?

Oh yeah...

So while I wait for the skin to smooth and the fat to flee, I will try to focus on the positives of the situation: my new eating and exercising habits, and the other bit. You know, that really adorable little person I hang out with on a daily basis. That guy. He's pretty sweet. And he likes to rub my belly like I'm Buddha while he's nursing. Who knows? Maybe I'm lucky several times over. If I'm really lucky, in a year, there won't be any left to rub.

Taking Care of Mommy

Most women will say their baby comes first. Most women will say their life perspective changed some time during pregnancy and their main concerns were related to their child. I would include myself in this however my definition of what comes first is a little different.

Websites talk about needing to take care of yourself when you have a baby. They talk about having a healthy mommy. No one argues with this statement, but there are different interpretations of it. What exactly is a healthy mommy?

For my part, I have to exercise at least 5 days, if not 6 every week. I have compromised my workout length and time of day to allow ease of balancing my parenting responsibilities with this need. That helps keep my body in a good way which is good for Kiddo. I have energy levels that can keep up with his (for now).

But I also need time to write my books, short stories, and blog posts. I need time to shower, brush my teeth, and put on make-up (I don't care what anyone says - this is necessary for me!). I need time to meditate and be alone without agenda. I need adult conversations and professional achievement.

Those are not wants.

So when I don't have them, what happens? Kiddo has an unhealthy mommy.

Some people may say I am selfish and downgrade my needs to wants. They will say I should put my child first and trying to fulfill my "wants" is depriving my child of necessary things like time and attention.

I can tell you right now that when I don't have my needs met, I am not anywhere close to being a good mother. I am distracted, irritated, and whiny. I have no energy and am cold. I am frustrated. I cry randomly. I have no interest in being around my child. I have no interest in being around anyone... until my needs are met.

And once they are? I am a different woman.

Until recently I felt guilty for this. I thought I was a bad mother for needing these things. And then I realized I would be a bad mother if I didn't take care of myself. It isn't selfish to do that - because the reality is when I take care of myself, Kiddo gets the best version of me. He doesn't get conflicting messages. He knows I love him, like to play with him, and will address all of his needs to the best of my ability.

I think there are a lot of women out there who feel the same as I did - guilty for needing things. I am here to tell you: DON'T! Be your best self! Your baby needs that.

Did you feel guilty about taking care of Mommy? Why or why not? Leave a comment below!

Baby-Led Weaning: An Alien Update

The self feeding/eating solids thing is going reasonably well except for a few little bits...

1. I hate the mess. I really do. I hate having to clean him up. I haven't mastered it yet. Kiddo gets goo in his legs' fat folds, under his butt, down his shirt, and on every piece of furniture in a 3 foot radius. On spectacular days, his arms are covered in a thick layer of food which extends to his torso, chin, mouth, and of course his hair.  I'd rather Kiddo eat naked and then hose him off which doesn't work at this point (unfortunately!). For now I try to keep the messiness to a minimum and at night before his bath. This is marginally practical.
2. Sometimes I forget to plan his meals. I am so used to him nursing all the time, I forget he needs something else and I end up scrambling at the last minute. It makes me feel guilty - like I'm neglecting him and therefore I'm an unfit mother.
3. Kiddo doesn't like "baby foods." He likes adult foods with spices and herbs and oil. This means he no longer eats plain anything. He just plays with plain food leaving it all around him in a 3 foot radius. This means I have to be a little more conscious about his food and making it tasty...which I am sooo good at! *rolls eyes*

So what does he like?

• Grandma's red sauce
• Tomatoes - plain, unripe, doesn't matter. He LURVES them.
• Pasta - all kinds
• Spanish rice
• Fried rice
• Sweet potato
• White beans (in things or herbed up)
• Carrots
• Garlic (in things of course)
• Dal (lentils)
• Refried beans
• Pinto beans
• Black beans
• Red beans (sensing a trend?)
• Applesauce
• Banana
• Bean cakes
• Multigrain pancakes
• Peas
• Ground turkey
• Salmon
• Watermelon
• Peaches
• Plums
• And fresh Cheerios

white bean, carrot, and garlic cakes - yum!

Things he isn't crazy about

• Corn
• Zucchini
• Broccoli (though if I flavored it, he might like it again)
• White potatoes
• Green beans
• Old Cheerios (sitting in the travel case too long?)
• Strawberries (though it may have changed)

Things he drools over from afar:

• Gelato
• Ranch dressing
• Yogurt
• Kale salad
• Green salad
• Anything brightly colored or unusual (in texture or shape)

Things we're getting ready to try:

• New recipes from BLW sites (veggie cakes, muffins etc)
• More green or root veggies with herbs and spices(I want him to like vegetables dang it!)
• Chicken (canned without salt if I can find it)
• Tuna (canned without salt if I can find it)
• Scrambled egg
• Bell pepper (roasted?)
• Mushrooms
• Fresh fruit dipped in plain yogurt

I am determined to get better at this feeding thing. Having declared it, I'm sure we're bound for success.

What success have you had with transitioning to solids? Favorite recipes? Favorite plain foods? Leave a comment below!

Postpartum Weight Loss: The Next Steps

45 pounds. Since the last day of pregnancy that is how much I've lost.

It isn't as fast as it could have been. I still have further to go to reach my goal weight. Still...the fat I gained from pregnancy is gone and muscle has officially taken up residency.

I'm proud of the change because it isn't just the disappearing fat and increasing muscle. It's also lifestyle changes. I feel wrong when I miss a workout. I feel icky when I indulge a little too much on a weekend. It doesn't have to do with guilt either - it has to do with where I am in relation to my goals, my mood, and my energy.

Plain and simple: when I eat well and workout, I feel better.

This is exactly what I wanted and continue to want for myself. I want to model this behavior for Kiddo. I want him to be excited about good foods and physical activity. Sure, I have my cheating moments. I'm not perfect and I know I need to indulge a little every now and then...but I never go completely off track.

This week I started T25 and I have to say I was psyched. The beginning of the week felt easy, mostly because I just finished Jillian Michaels' sado-masochistic Body Revolution. Then I started pushing myself harder and today my double workout was tougher. My muscles are pleasantly sore from yesterday's session and I couldn't be happier.

My plan is to be more on board with the nutrition plan with this program. Because Kiddo nurses less, I feel more comfortable doing that. I think the slowness of my weight loss has a lot to do with my nutrition more than my activity. With that change, I feel confident I can reach my goal. If I hunker down and drop at least 35 pounds of fat and increase my lean muscle, I will be quite happy (I do have it to lose, believe me!). That will put me at my goal.

How long do I have? I'm giving myself until Christmas (though it may happen before then). If I reach it my plan is to buy a Betty Page dress, a bathing suit, and a pair of shorts.

And they will be perfect. I mean perfect.

I think that is a great way to start off 2015, don't you?

What has been your mommy weight loss journey? Leave a comment below!

Great Personality: MBTI in the Family

I happen to be in the one percent, at least when it comes to personality. You see, I recently rediscovered the Jungian MBTI types in my quest for developing and evaluating our family plan.

It turns out that both Christian and I are rare types. Christian is an INTP and I am an INFJ. He is an analyzer - a systems guy who develops theories for fun. I, on the other hand, am like a real life oracle (complete with dreams and foreknowledge). Though we have opposite temperaments, other aspects are not only compatible, but highly complimentary. He helps ground me with truth and I open his heart. Lost in our heads (in different ways) we do well together (probably why we seemed like an old married couple from the start). This type match has been called "the golden pair" because of the kind of developmental benefits it brings to each partner.

Note: If you are curious about the pitfalls of such a relationship, the answer is yes. The descriptions I've read could be talking about us specifically (it is cool and simultaneously unnerving).

This exploration makes me wonder about Kiddo's personality.

If two people of such rare types have a kid, what kind of child will he be? What kind of preferences will he have? I mean, Kiddo has clear preferences already. His type is already determined (so it would seem).

Initially I thought he was extroverted but now I'm not sure. He hesitates when encountering new things - something introverts do. He likes rhyming stories and music, but that could mean he is intuitive or sensing. He is very social and reacts strongly to changes of mood around him, which indicates feeling. The preferences he makes known are so strong and clear, it would seem he inherited judging from me.

Could we have another INFJ on our hands? Would that give us an advantage? Hmm.

What is your type? Did your kids inherit your personality or your partners? How did that impact your parenting? Leave a comment below!

Help End Our Homelessness!

Technically my family is homeless. I mean, if you go by the government's definition. We don't pay utilities. We don't have a mortgage or rent (thank my parents!). We have a bed to sleep on by the grace of my parents' goodness.

If something happened to my parents tomorrow, we would need some place to live. Fast.

Honestly, if Christian made his current salary in 1000s of other places in the US we could make ends meet. We would still have $1000 in loan payments every month, but at least we wouldn't have to worry about housing.

California is rough.

Santa Barbara is one of if not the absolute worst.

There is currently a lottery for the possibility of affordable housing. And this housing? Studios through 2 bedroom condos.

Wow.

Really helpful guys.

Totally perfect for those of us who want to start a family and possibly grow.

I have no interest in trying to saddle myself with a $400K mortgage to live in a place with such extreme wealth disparity. I have no interest in paying $1000 monthly for a studio to live in a place where everything costs more, there is little diversity, and a laissez faire culture. I don't want Kiddo to grow up like that.

If I'm going to live in a small space, I want it to be mine. I want it beautiful. I want that space to point to a new way of interacting with the world.

In short, I want a tiny house.

The only thing keeping us from starting our build is a place to build it. Once we have that spot, we can start assembling materials and determining a location for it to park.

But I need your help. We need your help.

Where should we build our home? Will you let us build it on your property? Do you know someone who would let us build it on their commercial or residential property?

One High Needs Baby

High needs. Sensitive. Active.

These are words that describe Kiddo, along with observant, curious, social, playful, bright, and sweet.

But the first three, they dictate our parenting style.

Kiddo needs to be cuddled. He needs to move.  He doesn't sleep as long as other babies. He eats waaaay more often than most kids. He wakes up in the middle of the night wanting to play...pretty much every night at least once. Even if he doesn't, he rolls around like he's fighting off rabid monkeys.

He needs novelty in his toys. He needs distractions. Kiddo needs to be held.

To outsiders they see how social he is. They see his smile and think he's perfect all the time. I mean, he does let almost anyone hold him so...

Yeah. No.

Kiddo needs a LOT of extra attention. But people don't see that. So they think I shouldn't need to carry him all the time. They think we shouldn't need to bedshare. Except those attachment parenting strategies are what cause him to be so sweet.

I could ignore Kiddo's cries. I could leave him alone in the pack n play. I could let him wail for hours. And he would. I could do that and he would become an anxious, sad, distant little boy.

But I don't.

I say this so you know why today was rough. Last night no one slept. Kiddo tossed and turned. He wailed off and on until we gave him some baby ibuprofen. And this morning? Constant whimpering. He wouldn't sit in his highchair. He didn't want to play by himself. He only wanted to cuddle. Then he didn't want to stay in my lap but wanted to be on the floor gripping my leg. Needless to say, I couldn't do my workout at all (which lately has only been possible with someone watching him or by taking a 10 minute cuddle break). Instead I wore him in a front carry walking to the elementary school and back.

Writing? Ha. I can barely get meals together today. These are the days when peeing is a luxury. I have more of these days than not. Every baby has moments like this, but weeks on end means you have one high need kid.

I have heard it ends. I'm looking forward to that.

Traveling Across Country with Baby

Though this is belated, I figure I should give you a head's up about the traveling on a plane with a baby thing...except I can't. Honestly, I don't think I can give you any help or tips.

I'm not bragging or trying to be a horrible human being when I say Kiddo is perfect. I mean, really. He made everyone around him happy. Other than the expected meltdown when he was completely zonked or teething - he was a total trooper.

He laughed when the plane took off. He laughed when landing. The flight attendant said she'd never seen a better baby in flight. He was smiling and happy the entire time. He smiled when he met his great aunts and uncles. He smiled when he met his cousins. He smiled when he met complete strangers. In fact, he flirted shamelessly with older women EVERYWHERE WE WENT (He even had separation anxiety when his new girlfriends of five seconds left him forever - complete with pathetic whimpering.).

He did teethe.

There were several nights he barely slept because his teeth were coming through...and VIOLA! He now has a total of 6 teeth (4 came in up top ALL AT ONCE...ick.). That part was rough.

The meltdowns in the carseat when he was exhausted and just wanted to snuggle with his mommy were rough. Those happened...at least once a day which considering how much driving we did daily, was a minor miracle.

He even did well with the complete strange babysitter during my cousin's wedding and reception. Kiddo was a perfect baby.

And that wasn't lost on people. I mean, he got noticed. His sweetness was noticed. And I had to tell everyone over and over: All babies are not like this. They aren't all this sweet and charming and perfect. Don't be fooled into thinking you'll have one like this - you might, but don't count on it.

Christian's family has a history of inspiring other people into having children because his family has such sweet babies, and then, well, these people get screwed. I guess there was a rash of babies wherever his parents lived after each of their four children was born. Ha.

So yes, Kiddo was a doll and lovely with everyone however I wouldn't want to travel with a baby again. Why? Because it's still rough on even the most cooperative of babies. Their routines are all jacked up. They get constipated. They get exposed to a thousand bagillion germs on the plane. They have to suffer being confined in a car seat way more than they'd ever care to. They have no idea when they're supposed to sleep. They have no idea when they're supposed to eat. Everything is all goofy and the result is crankiness on the part of either the parent, the baby, or everyone involved.

So yeah. Kiddo is perfect...or it was a minor miracle we came out unscathed.

10 Month Terror

10 months. Kiddo is almost 10 months old.

It seems like he was born yesterday...that he was a little human pupae and now...

Now he's a terror.

I mean, Kiddo is sweet. He really is. And I'm confident in saying he's probably the most perfect child next to Jesus and Buddha but...but...BUT he's still a baby.

And he's getting into things. And getting sharp teeth that he uses on everything. And purposefully drops his food on the floor. And pulls all the CDs and DVDs to the floor. And eats paper, to the point that NO paper is safe from his tiny chubby clutches. And he whimpers. And he wriggles whenever I try to change his diaper. And he beams whenever I offer him a toy he likes. And then he swings it around so hard it goes flying. And he dumps the kitty food. And he pulls on the drawers. And he chews on any cable he can magically get his hands on. And he laughs when you tell him "no" or scream "ow."

And he grows 2 inches in 3 days. Literally. Thursday night he was short enough to have inches between his head and the table. Saturday he was hitting his head.

He talks all the time. I know he's trying to tell stories, so I respond as best as I can and this seems acceptable. I seem to be fooling him into thinking I understand. This gets him to talk more. Well, a combination of baby babble and real English words.

But he also cuddles, and hugs, and tries to give kisses. And he smells like sunshine and spring. And his eyes are windows into the Divine.

And we made him. He grew in me and came into this world through my efforts. And I think of that every time he falls asleep, twining his fingers with mine.

The Bare Necessities

As part of our family plan, we're sharing all aspects as we move forward. In an effort to get the help we need, I'm going to lay out some of the specifics relating to our tiny house.

First, we need a place to build the house and a place to park it. They could be one in the same, but not necessarily.

Once we have that in place (pun intended), we can start amassing materials In an ideal world, we'd buy everything new. Of course, that's not where we are these days. So we're looking to trade, barter, sell, as well as receive donations, or sponsorship.

Note: I am not a builder. Christian is the construction/assembly/mechanical person. This is the basic/essential/what I can think of list of our needs.

That said, this is a general list of materials we'll need to realize our tiny house dream:

• Trailer or gently used camper - The camper would be ideal because we'll be able to strip it down to the frame and use the parts as desired.
• Hardware (nails, screws, etc).
• Windows - if using a trailer as a base (or upgrades to the camper frame?)
• LED light fixtures & bulbs  - they use less power and last forEVAR.
• Metal roofing - hot tin roof anyone? Cheap and easy to install.
• Ceramic coating - for the roof. This stuff is the same they use on shipping container houses and acts as insulation and siding. It's AMAZING.
• Log cabin faux siding (no reason why we can't have a cool looking house)
• Wood molding
• Wood - for the inside walls, any framing, and built-in furniture.
• Locks
• Cabinet hinges, knobs, and latches
• Finish/oil (for the wood)
• Composting toilet - will remove the issue of black water/sewage.
• Piping - so we can have running water
• Water tank
• Wiring - so we can have power...and the interwebs...and music.
• Outlets
• Switches
• Batteries
• Solar panels
• Shower - duh! Esp with trailer base
• Sinks (br and kitchen) - esp with trailer base
• Fridge - so we can eat...you know...we like to sometimes.
• Ceiling fan? Not sure on this one...but it may be necessary (I don't think AC is happening.).
• Door - I would like one that splits to allow airflow as well as baby containment.
• Hanging screen - this might change because Christian has this cool idea for an enclosed porch...LUV!
• Counter top (kitchen)
• Curtains/blinds
• Washing machine/dryer - to allow us to continue to cloth diaper
• Cushions (for those built-ins)
• Rain water collection system - which will only work in places like Michigan and Pennsylvania (California is allergic to rain.).

SO...and this is important! If you have lines on any of these items, or know of some possible property in Santa Barbara county where we can build and or park this house, PLEASE CONTACT ME! Also ideas for sponsorship or places that might donate materials will be greatly appreciated.

I have a lot of ideas, but I'm also limited by sleep deprivation and baby care. Any and all help solving this problem will be GREATLY appreciated.

Our Family Plan

Every family has to have a plan. You need to have goals as a family that honor your values and hopefully play to your strengths (all while helping you to grow as individuals, a couple, and a family).

So what's our plan? It has two major life-changing points:

• Mobile income - up until this point both Christian and I have required a specific location in order to "bring home the bacon." This has been incredibly limiting. It's also brought a lot of stress because of the kind of income levels our jobs have yielded. In order to realize our goals and dreams, we need to have mobile streams of income, which means spending some time developing and nurturing new ventures (or maybe I should say adventures!). This seems the best and safest choice for us because:
• This would allow us to move anywhere and still support ourselves.
• It will allow us to purchase land in remote areas and still buy clothes, food etc.
• It will allow us to engage our passions.
• It will give us flexibility in work-life balance (especially after it is established).
• We can put as much or as little energy into this as we like.

• A tiny home is a second piece of our goals because:
• We want to keep our overhead low, which this will do (both literally and figuratively!).
• It will streamline our stuff (ooooh! PURGING!).
• It will allow us to build our own home (realize a dream) while putting off determining exactly where we want to end up (I don't want to build something somewhere and then end up leaving it in six months - considering our prolific moving history, this is a real possibility!).
• It will help us to focus on experiences rather than things (a value I want to instill in Kiddo and any other kids we have).
• It will encourage community engagement (there's only so much time you can spend in a small space).
• It will encourage time outdoors (see above point).
• It is way more beautiful than an RV or trailer (duh!). 
• Being built on a trailer can spare us boxing up our crap every time we move (which we've done every year of our married life and I'd rather not continue this pattern).

Now the question is how to realize these goals. Here are some of the steps we've come up with:

• Christian will develop his own mobile income engaging his passions (his steps are his own and I will not list them point by point here).
• I will continue to follow my annual writing goals (publishing at least 7 books per year).
• I will engage social media on a daily basis as well as blog weekly.
• We will create associated video/audio content for our respective blogs and projects.
• We commit ourselves to becoming student debt-free as well as bettering our credit through timely payment.
• We will discuss each aspect of our plan with our friends, family, and followers in order to have the support we need to realize our family plan.
• We will crowdsource, barter/sell goods/services, or receive sponsorship for creating our tiny house.
• We will determine our dream living location and begin pricing land there.
• We will locate a place to build and park our tiny home in order for Christian to keep his present position (or we will find a position for him in our dream living location and place to park our tiny home there).

Seem like a lot? Seem crazy? Maybe. But it's what we want as a family and both Christian and I are committed to getting what we want. It's time to level up as individuals, a married couple, and a family. Our road map may be a little more ambitious than some. Honestly, I don't care how it compares to other people's. I don't care if people tell me "But you can do -insert easier more mediocre option here-." I'm doing things my way. It's going to be fabulous, crazy, and wonderful. I'm going to prove this is possible because I know it is. Anything less is unacceptable. This isn't just dreaming here - it's doing.

Has someone ever told you your dream was impossible? How did you handle it? Share your story below!

Where We Stand

Some of you may have been wondering just where we are in our journey as a family. The past year has been difficult, but we've begun to make some serious choices about the direction of our family and there has been some progress.

1. Christian has a job at a motorcycle dealership as a technician with high probability of advancement. He's realized he wants to manage a team of people or have his own business. The former may be a stepping stone to the latter.
2. I came up with a variety of ideas and tried several, with mixed success. In the end, the thing that seems to work best for me is to blog and write/publish books. I'm going to continue to do that and I think quantity will help me attract consistent readership (though I'm not sure what the quantity needs to be).
3. We're currently staying with my parents, but that has a shelf life (not imposed, but implied). I think the person happiest about this situation is my dad. Maybe Kiddo.
4. Being close to family has been a real blessing as to building bonds between Kiddo and everyone. It's also allowed me to have a little more freedom than I would otherwise.
5. We're making some payments towards our student loans, but they won't be paid down as much as we'd like by the time we really need to get out of my parents' place (if we just have Christian's income). 

This brings us to our series of realizations or admissions:

1. If we were to rely on one income at the present level, we won't be able to do even a quarter of the things we want to do in life (including have another kid).
2. We want to get out of my parents' house and have some time to build ourselves as our own separate family unit. The easiest way to do that and have our work continue to benefit us is to build a tiny house. That said, we will need to barter, have sponsorship, and material donations in order to make that happen.
3. We have to figure out some additional and consistent sources of income (videos? classes? more ebooks? online stores? consulting?).
4. We're creative people and we thrive when we have consistent outlets for our creativity.
5. In the long run, we're not going to be able to stay in Santa Barbara county (and I really don't want to, despite family) which means we need to decide where we're going and start working towards making that happen (jobs, businesses, etc).

The question now is, what do we do? Where do we go? Have an idea? Leave it in the comments below!

Calling All WAHMs!!!

Right before I went on vacation I found another passion of mine (or at least a new avenue for an established passion).

If you've followed my blog(s) you're well aware of the wild difficulties our fledgling family has faced, especially in the past year. Because of our financial situation and my personal role in staying at home, I stumbled into a world of women that I never expected to participate in. I was certainly oblivious to the prevalence of stay at home (SAHM) and work at home moms (WAHM).

I wondered how many of these women were trying to make their lives better through starting their own businesses (between diaper changes, runny noses, and teething). Then I thought it would be really amazing to talk with these other women and maybe help them out (at least a little bit).

For this reason I'm calling all WAHMs! I want to interview WAHMs and highlight their businesses here on Raising An Alien. While I'd particularly love to connect with women here on the Central Coast, I'm quite happy to interview any WAHM who is in the process of establishing, or is successfully running her own business. I want to support my fellow moms, as well as share some of their wisdom and stories to inspire even more moms!

If you know of or are a WAHM (especially in California or the West Coast!) I would love to hear from you (use the contact form or my author FB page.)! Let me interview you and help shed some light on your work!

How To Build A New Life or Our Tiny Dream

I'm this close, this close to doing it. Jumping off into the craziest idea we've had yet.

We're seriously considering building a tiny house.

For a year and a half Christian and I lived in a nice house in Phoenix. It had a fireplace, two car garage, gas grill, patio, and swimming pool. Oh, and a gazebo. And skylights. And it was old, kind of funky, and nearly perfect...with one major exception. It was in Phoenix.

I had an awful job I wanted to leave and Christian needed to find work. We left. We rented the house out. It was a disaster. We sold the house. It kind of sucked, but we didn't lose money. We just didn't make any.

That was not how I wanted my first foray into real estate to go...but it did. We learned a lot. Now we're moving on... (pun intended).

For the past few years we've moved from place to place and paid stupid amounts for rent. Houses were stupidly expensive in those areas (or they were places we wouldn't want to buy) and we already felt crippled by our student debt.

We started thinking about a tiny house.

Now honestly, I have a stuff problem. I'm an artist. It lends itself to stuff collection. Tiny houses require the purging of all purges.
This could be an issue. I mean, my hair product collection alone...well. I'm a work in progress.

Still, I've lived stripped down before and was fine. I could do it again. I know it.

But this was a point of contention. We kept putting it off as something other people did, not something for us. But then we had this idea...

Eventually we want to have something of a compound, with a little collection of out buildings of various purposes. It would be nice to have at least one of those as a guest house...perhaps a tiny house. Where this dream compound will be (if it ever is) is a mystery. But the tiny house? Well the benefit of this is it can be anywhere. It's built on top of a trailer.

It's mobile.

It's also relatively cheap. The potentially expensive bits are the trailer and any appliances.

When I think about this crazy idea of ours, I get excited. Really excited. DIY stuff always makes me giddy, but this would be a whole other level of commitment. This would be our lives.
 
I think it excites me so much because it would be the beginning of realizing some of our deepest desires as a family and a couple. We are builders - creators. We're problem solvers. These are the kinds of things that bring us joy. Sharing our creativity with the world, and living in it (and hopefully making a living with it) is our perfect life.

And now, finally, I see an end to our troubles. And it's beautiful.