Smiling to Wailing and Back Again

Ugh.

That is how I would describe the past five days.

Just...ugh.

This kid is driving me up a wall. Sometimes he cries because he's frustrated: the blocks won't stack. The stacking rings don't lock in place. Grover doesn't sit astride the Ducati Diavel.

Other times, he just...cries.

And I have no frickin' clue what the hell is going on. Really. None. It's not that he's hungry, or tired, or even teething. It's not that he hasn't gotten to play or read or whatever. Every concievable need is met, and yet... crying. Total meltdown.

Oh sure. Sometimes he willfully does things he is not supposed to do and he suffers the consequences of such actions, like not being able to play outside. But really, the crying is just...dumb. And annoying when redirecting doesn't work any more.

I've heard about this phase. I've read moms talking about it on forums and in articles on parenting sites, but really guys, being in it is a LOT worse than reading about it. And the advice...does NOT work. Yeah. Pretty sure we're in the lovely toddler wonder week thing.

They should have medication for parents specifically for this time. I mean, besides wine and ibuprofen.

I jest. I know it is temporary. I know it will end. And I know he will be graduating from college when I blink. So I'll cling to the moment of discovery and joy - the dimpled smiles, giggling, counting to 5 for the first time, stacking 8 blocks without them falling, telling understandable stories about toys and activities. I'll hold those in my mind and grit my teeth until he goes to sleep on the rough days.

Yeah.

And drink a beer.

Raising Creative: Artistry and Appreciation Early On

Admittedly, there is definitely a difference between kids on the creative front. Some people really...aren't. I'm not saying this as a judgement, it's just that some people are not bent that way. They don't like to recombine pieces into something new. They don't innovate. They don't imagine. They don't like doing things...differently. And this isn't a bad thing. The world needs people like this. It does. It wouldn't run without them. These maintainers are necessary.

And then there's us - those creative people who cannot avoid innovation, or imagination, or problem-solving. It is part of what makes us tick. It is as necessary as breathing.

Now, I would argue that our preferences are somewhat established at birth, maybe in our very souls, but that doesn't mean parents can't nurture things. Even in the maintainer types, an appreciation for beauty and artistry can be fostered.

As a parent, I want to do that with Kiddo. I want to nurture an appreciation for art and creation in all its forms. It seems he has this inherently anyway, as he responds strongly to music, dance, and visual art. But, how do I consciously make an effort to foster this?

1. Music - I expose Kiddo to a wide variety of music because he LOVES it. LOVES it. He plays instruments with his granddad (ukulele, drums, guitar, harp etc). I play Bossa Nova, Celtic, rock, bluegrass, folk, indie, dance, and orchestral. We sing together, and frequently Kiddo wakes up singing. And I love every second of this.
2. Art - Kiddo gets to see all kinds of illustrations in his books, but also we draw almost every day. At first this was a project initiated by me, but now he requests to draw. He loves using his markers and crayons. I hope to add clay and finger paint to his repertoire as soon as I can acquire an oil cloth to cover the table or patio. He spends a lot of time and thought on his creations, and often will talk about them in Kiddo gibberish for several minutes after they are finished.
3. Writing/stories - Kiddo is a talker. He tells stories about his toys. He tells stories about his drawings. And of course, he LOVES books. We have story time at least three times a day, and each involves several long picture books. After we finish reading, he likes to go back through the book and point to pictures and discuss them, in Kiddo gibberish. As a writer, I am thrilled with this.
4. Dance - we have dance parties daily. Some of this is coupled with our music exposure (Bossa Nova or singing). Other times it is during his limited screen time with Sesame Street. He dances for almost all the songs, of which there are many. He also enjoys imitating dance moves of those around him, which Christian and I frequently bust out, just for fun.
5. Acting - I think Kiddo has a healthy dose of the performance bug. I say this because he really enjoys children's time at church. He gets in the front of the congregation, and rather than listening to granddad, he looks around the congregation (staring at him) and grins, often interacting with church members. It is a little trying, making sure he doesn't completely derail granddad, but clearly this is something he should be allowed to explore as he continues to mature.

Based on how Kiddo relishes these areas, it seems his continued exposure to the arts is not only beneficial for developing speech, fine and gross motor skills, but also is a source of joy. I think we have a little artist on our hands, and certainly an art lover. I see plenty of museum visits and classes in our future. Seeing as I'm a creative myself, I couldn't be happier with this.

14 Things Your Parents Never Told You About Money

I thought everyone knew how to balance a checkbook. I thought everyone realized you need to anticipate major payments. I thought everyone knew how to manage their money. I thought these things were taught to everyone because my parents taught me.

I should have known all parents are not created equal.

Because of that, let me share a few helpful hints on how to save yourself some financial grief and protect your credit (and hopefully we all share with our own kids):

1. Every item you pay for with a card doesn't come out of your account immediately. Sometimes it takes a week. Sometimes it is that night. Whenever it comes out, you CANNOT count on your bank balance being accurate.
2. Keep your receipts until a payment shows up on your account.
3. Write every amount in your ledger (or other accounting tracker - spreadsheet, app, whatever).
4. Make payments on time. If you can't, contact the company. They may be able to help you. If you don't do either of these things, your credit is definitely going down and you may be charged fees (Sucks being poor, doesn't it?).
5. If you are forgetful, auto payment is a life saver. That said, you need to anticipate the payment. Set a reminder a week in advance letting you know when the amount will be withdrawn so that you don't spend money that is already spoken for.
6. Never spend more than you earn. Duh...but a lot of people do. To help prevent this, make a weekly budget. This may take some research and time to figure out, but it will help you in the long run.
7. Pay cash. When you have cash, you are more aware of how much you're paying for things and how much money you have remaining. It helps curb your spending.
8. If you have a credit card, keep a low balance. Don't pay it completely off because that will ding your credit (weird but true).
9. If you have big payments, check to make sure they go through. If they don't, you need to contact the company you were paying. Something may be wrong (and you don't want to be charged a fee or get your credit dinged).
10. If you have big loans, try to make as large of payments as possible to pay them down as quickly as possible. The sooner you pay them off, the less you will pay. This is because compound interest will suck you dry over the life of a loan (Ah! Another way rich stay rich and poor stay poor!).
11. Sales are not always good ideas. A sale is only useful if it is an item you actually need at a price you are able to spend that is lower than you can get elsewhere. Sometimes a sale price at one store is higher than a regular price for the same item at another store.
12. Never buy something you don't need, no matter how much you want it, when you have other things you need. Health, food, and shelter always come before a fancy pair of heels or multi-function knife. Always.
13. Health, food, and shelter always come before pets, entertainment and addictions. Diapers and cereal are more important than cable or alcohol or cigarettes. This should be a nobrainer, but some people have no brains soooo....
14. Communicate with your partner and children about money. It will save everyone a great deal of stress and heartache and false expectations.

 What things did your parents teach you about money? What lessons do you intend to teach your kids about money? Leave a comment below!

Taking Care of Mommy

Most women will say their baby comes first. Most women will say their life perspective changed some time during pregnancy and their main concerns were related to their child. I would include myself in this however my definition of what comes first is a little different.

Websites talk about needing to take care of yourself when you have a baby. They talk about having a healthy mommy. No one argues with this statement, but there are different interpretations of it. What exactly is a healthy mommy?

For my part, I have to exercise at least 5 days, if not 6 every week. I have compromised my workout length and time of day to allow ease of balancing my parenting responsibilities with this need. That helps keep my body in a good way which is good for Kiddo. I have energy levels that can keep up with his (for now).

But I also need time to write my books, short stories, and blog posts. I need time to shower, brush my teeth, and put on make-up (I don't care what anyone says - this is necessary for me!). I need time to meditate and be alone without agenda. I need adult conversations and professional achievement.

Those are not wants.

So when I don't have them, what happens? Kiddo has an unhealthy mommy.

Some people may say I am selfish and downgrade my needs to wants. They will say I should put my child first and trying to fulfill my "wants" is depriving my child of necessary things like time and attention.

I can tell you right now that when I don't have my needs met, I am not anywhere close to being a good mother. I am distracted, irritated, and whiny. I have no energy and am cold. I am frustrated. I cry randomly. I have no interest in being around my child. I have no interest in being around anyone... until my needs are met.

And once they are? I am a different woman.

Until recently I felt guilty for this. I thought I was a bad mother for needing these things. And then I realized I would be a bad mother if I didn't take care of myself. It isn't selfish to do that - because the reality is when I take care of myself, Kiddo gets the best version of me. He doesn't get conflicting messages. He knows I love him, like to play with him, and will address all of his needs to the best of my ability.

I think there are a lot of women out there who feel the same as I did - guilty for needing things. I am here to tell you: DON'T! Be your best self! Your baby needs that.

Did you feel guilty about taking care of Mommy? Why or why not? Leave a comment below!

Surviving The Worst of Babies

I've heard different views on the idea of when a baby is most difficult to parent. I'm only about halfway through babydom, but I've already been through two of the major contenders: the fussy fourth trimester, and the four month sleep regression.

The fourth trimester got a lot of press through Happiest Baby on the Block. The idea is the baby is too young - too immature when they're born. They suddenly realize the discomfort they're feeling sometime around two weeks old and their fussiness tends to peak around six weeks old and doesn't completely disappear until they're around three to four months.

The problem with this fussiness is the fact that you can't do anything to soothe your baby. There is a certain time, around 4 in the afternoon through about 11 at night, where your baby is literally inconsolable. You use as many tactics as you can, but in the end, sometimes the only thing that will stop the cry-fest is sleep.

The second difficult moment of babydom I've experienced is the four month sleep regression. What happens in the sleep regression is your little cherub had established a routine. You knew when they took their naps. You knew when they were ready for bed. You knew when they would nurse etc. Suddenly this routine is thrown out the window. This is because your darling child is transitioning from baby sleeping patterns to adult patterns. This means they have more light sleep therefore they can't stay asleep as long. Instead, they startle themselves awake, to the point that sometimes they want to play for thirty minutes in the middle of the night.

If you thought newborn life involved transitioning into a zombie, you will yearn for brains at the sleep regression.

I'm not sure which I think is worse, or which I prefer. What I do know is I've come up with a few tactics to stay sane during these more difficult periods of life.

1. Invest in a highlighter. No, not the neon kind you used in college - the kind that brightens your face. Seriously. These things are magical. It doesn't matter how little sleep you got last night, this thing is a miracle. If you have the money to spend, go for Benefit's. If you're going cheap, go for Physicians Formula's. Wearing this I've fooled people into thinking I was five years younger than I was while functioning on four hours sleep. No joke!
2. Get comfortable with the Boob Tube. Find like four or five television series you semi-like, and memorize the movie channels that show something reasonable (i.e. something PG). This will be helpful because you won't feel completely isolated on those couch nursing days and when baby is old enough, you have a slight distraction that will allow you to go to the bathroom or brush your teeth.
3. A variety of toys is ALWAYS a good idea, especially for the sleep regression. Kiddo currently loves his plastic keys, small stuffed animals, and anything by Sassy or Taggies. The more complicated the toy, the better. The entertainment value goes up exponentially! Of course, novelty is good (sometimes all you need is a piece of crinkly paper!).
4. Nap! If kiddo looks remotely sleepy, I just put him down. And then I lay down. Seriously. If either one of us misses our naptime, the apocalypse is around the corner.
5. Ibuprofen. For him. For me. For everyone! While this isn't something I'd give kiddo daily, it is something I give him when his gums are bothering him (or if he's sick, of course!). For me, any day when my sleep has been disrupted I don't stint. This is something necessary for life.
6. A no-fuss haircut that fits your face does wonders. I love my haircut because all I have to do is run a little curl defining product through it and it looks fabulous. This goes a long way to banishing any stress that might come from primping while caring for a baby as well as the apparent aging that comes from being sleep deprived. The result? You feel a thousand times better despite missing naptime!
7. Family, friends, and paid help are necessary. Sometimes you need a break. Sometimes you need a helping hand. Whatever the case may be, people in your life give you that extra support that can carry you through the wailing and sleep deprivation.
8. Coffee. I know they say don't rely on coffee to keep you awake when breastfeeding but let's be honest - when there's a question of whether or not you can handle 12 hours of baby care, coffee is a necessary evil.
9. Pacifiers kept my sanity during the most difficult part of the fourth trimester, and they continue to lull kiddo to sleep (as well as function as a teether during a pinch). Unless your kid doesn't like pacis, I really feel they are a useful tool. As a side note, I recommend a tether to go with your pacifier. These things get lost all the time, and a tether minimizes this.
10. This might seem strange, but a chair has made a huge difference for kiddo. He's a social baby, and so being able to sit at the table during meals makes our meal time a lot more relaxed. There are some chair options for younger babies, but generally this is going to be a solution for someone with a baby going through the sleep regression.
11. Never underestimate the power of an eye mask. You might have punctuated sleep at night, but the sleep you do get will be so much better when you strap one of these over your eyes. My favorite is one from REI because it has a little pocket to hold earplugs and has a lip at the bottom inside that prevents any errant light from reaching your bloodshot eyeballs. I'm now on the third one of this model because I like it so much (though I don't usually use the earplugs that come with it).
12. Some people will say you shouldn't wear earplugs to sleep when you need to be able to hear your baby, but I don't have a problem. If I didn't wear earplugs, I'd never sleep (thanks to my snore-tastic husband). So earplugs are another really important weapon in my sanity arsenal, which is why I'm recommending them here (assuming you have pretty good hearing normally and a low level of wax).
13. A cotton (or other washable fabric) scarf makes a really nice necklace substitute (necklaces are a no-go once you reach the grasping stage) that can also sub as a nursing cover or even cover up the puke stains your little alien gave you just after you left the house. My personal favorites are Indian dupattas - they're long, versatile, and often have a bagillion colors that allow them to be worn with a ton of outfits. You can also buy similar items in person at World Market.
14. Establishing processes is crucial. You might not know what your daily routine is, but if you have go to processes to use for everything, changes in your baby's habits are easier to manage. For example, having a sleep routine is really helpful, even if baby decides he doesn't want to go to sleep at the same time every night. Having processes and plans you can use to allow you to do the laundry, use the bathroom, take a shower, or eat lunch are crucial. This is as much as training yourself to expect certain things as it is your baby. Kiddo knows what's going on when I tell him I'm making coffee (oh yes...coffee!) and enjoys watching me go through the steps of different chores.
15. Knowing what your baby likes and giving him or her that thing is something that a lot of people don't talk about. Babies have preferences. Paying attention to those preferences and honoring them makes a huge difference. You can tell when a baby gets excited by their expressions. It's clear if babies want something because they reach for it. When you honor these preferences I think it contributes to your baby's trust in you as well as decreasing his or her general fussiness.

I'm sure there are other things I use to get through the tougher parts of babydom, but these are the things that stick out in my foggy mommy mind. I hope they help you as much as they help me!

Have some other tricks and tips for surviving the worst of babydom? Share them below!