The Sleepless Night from Hell

He had a busy day, but he still had energy. In fact, Kiddo had so much energy, he decided not to nap.

So after dinner we went for a family walk. We walked all the way to the park. We played on the playground. It got cold. Christian tried to pull Kiddo off the playground. Temper tantrum ensues. After several unsuccessful attempts at removing Kiddo from the playground, Christian hauls Kiddo over his shoulder and runs down the block, crossing the street.

I followed at a slower pace. The walk was slow going. Sometimes Kiddo ran back toward the park. Other times he stopped to smell roses. Actually. Roses. Like 27 in a row.

We get home in one piece, each parent carrying Kiddo part of the way. It's early. Kiddo can play a little before bed...except...he can't. He starts bawling.

"Mama! Ma MA! UPSTAIRS!"

He runs to me, grabbing my hand and dragging me to the stairs. I let go to grab something, but no. He stamps his feet. He howls. I grab his hand and we proceed haltingly up the stairs.

Christian follows to smooth the process. I get ready for bed as Christian wrestles with Kiddo to get him into sleepers.

No. It doesn't work. He writhes. He thrashes. He howls. Kiddo is taking one of his worst tantrums yet. Somehow Christian gets his shirt off. Kiddo is a cat. He pushes the pj shirt away from his head.

"No, no, no, no, no NO!!!!" he screams.

I come to Christian's aid.

"Baby, you need your sleepers on. It's time for bed. I know you're tired -"
"Mama! MAMA! DADDY! NO NO NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

I perform magic and get his arms through the sleeves and his head the collar. We wrestle Kiddo as he thrashes, struggling and yelling, as we miraculously get his sleeper pants on.

I leave to get Kiddo's toothbrush.
"Ok Kiddo. You won!" I hear Christian say from the other room. It's like a switch. It's quiet.
"Kiddo, you won."
I go back in. There he is, sprawled on his stomach, cuddling his stuffed giraffe.
"Alexis, maybe we should just skip tonight -"
"No. He has a dental appointment tomorrow. He needs to brush his teeth." Normally toothbrushing is easy. Kiddo is cooperative. But of course, not this night. He immediately struggles and howls. I try to hold him down, but I can't get the brush in his mouth and hold him. Kiddo is too strong.
"Christian, a little help?" He jumps over, quickly wrapping Kiddo. I blink.
"Why are you holding my hand?" I ask. Christian chuckles.
"Oh! Sorry!" He adjusts his hold and Kiddo is secure. I brush as quickly as possible. Kiddo howls the whole time.

Once the brush is away, Christian let's go and Kiddo sits up. He's still howling. I realize all this time the window was open. I close it, hoping our neighbors don't hate us or think the demonic voice Kiddo uses was from some sort of ritualistic torture (other than common parenting).

"Mama! Mama! Daddy! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" He's reaching out for me. I turn off the light and he howls louder, even though this is how he sleeps every night.

We nurse.
He switches sides.
He switches again.
He switches again.
Finally he goes to sleep and I get a break. Christian and I chat for maybe an hour. I'm ready to sleep. Kiddo howls from his room. I sigh, get up and go over.

Kiddo is exceptionally clingy. He nurses. He switches sides. He switches again. He clings to me the entire time. I dose off. When I notice he is sound asleep, I leave. 5 minutes later, he wakes, screaming.

I go back in. We nurse. He switches sides. The cycle repeats, except this time, I stay. I figure this is the only way I will sleep. Kiddo pushes his head onto my pillow. He rolls over my hair. He smacks my face with his arm. I roll over. He smacks his skull into my jaw. I roll over. He cries.

"Nursing? Mama, I want nursing!"

We nurse. He switches sides. The cycle repeats. This time he doesn't sleep, but sits up and starts singing. He plays with his animals. He looks out the window. He talks. He sings. Finally he lays down as close as he can to me and stills.

Then Christian's alarm goes off.

I don't know why this happened the way it did. All I know is the following three nights he slept through the night (THANK GOD!). Also he outgrew his new shoes. It happens. I'm just glad it doesn't happen all the time. At least there's that small mercy.

Three Leaps: Water, Language, & Sleep

I feel like I always say this, but it's true: This past week was huge for Kiddo (Psst - is parenthood always like this?).

First, he finally got in the ocean and - LOVED IT! Yes! He loved wading through the water. He loved the sand. He did not want to leave. He only willingly left when we explained we would come back another time.

*Blink*

Second, his language skills exploded...again. He uses possessives like my, mine, your, and yours. He uses three word sentences basically any time he speaks, and of course, Kiddo talks all the time. He does sometimes slip back into toddler babble when he doesn't have the words, but his words are recognizable around 50% of the time. He also repeats everything we say (Swearing and adult topics are COMPLETELY no-nos now, if they weren't already.). Music such as early Prince, Bruno Mars, and pretty much all rap from the 1990s until now is off the table. We're committed to Owl City, Kelly Clarkson, Raffi, and anything associated with his beloved Babybug Magazine.

Third, and probably the most exciting for me, HE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! Yes, it was only ONE time, but still. I got to sleep for six hours straight and it was...glorious.

I forgot what that much sleep can do for a person. But I really missed it. Really. It's been over two years since I slept a full night. I think I slept an entire six hours a few times during my pregnancy. I want to say twice. So I think that is three times I've slept a solid night in the past 2.5 years.

Yeah.

Of course, my niece, a whole year younger than Kiddo, sleeps through the night and has since she was like six months old. Every kid is different. Breastfeeding v. formula impacts sleeping. Cosleeping or not also changes nighttime dynamics. It's a complicated and mysterious thing. That said, I'm pretty sure the new room and bed makes a difference for Kiddo's longer sleeping times. I hope this continues, though I know there will be a kind of forward/back process as we slowly move towards sleeping through consistently.

It was an exciting time this past week. It kind of feels like it will continue to be that way for a while (if not forever). Even though some things are less than ideal (changing personal habits like music or sleep times), I frequently find myself overwhelmed by love and joy at the mere thought of Kiddo. He does something during the day, and I'll find myself smiling and giddy at the memory. I didn't expect that, but it happens almost every day now. It's one of those things parents don't really talk about, so it sneaks up on you. And trust me when I say, it is a hidden treasure, and just as glorious as sleeping for six hours straight.

Big Transitions: Potties and Rooms

Last week I started two different posts, and never finished them. I thought about another five more...and didn't write them.

BUT...now I have a few different things to write about Kiddo because this past week ended up being a major one...like a whole MASSIVE Kiddo C-change.

Namely, we got Kiddo a potty and transitioned him to his own room and bed.

*GASP*

Yes, folks, it was CRAZINESS. And while there were a number of other things that happened, I'll save that for next week. These I think, are more than enough for one blog post. Frankly...I'm going crazy now.

Potty Time

On a whim this past Friday we bought a potty. It was the cheapest multi-stage potty I've seen ($13 for a stool, potty, transition seat situation) and so I snagged it. We've been discussing potties for a while, what happens when people go, how to go etc. We've talked about underwear. We read a few library books about potties....but this was the first major step in the direction of potty training.

Honestly, I think my parents were more excited about it that I was, mostly because it will save everyone a lot of money. A few months back we switched over to sposies entirely because:

1. Kiddo no longer fit in his cloth covers.
2. The cloth diapers no longer had enough asorbancy.
3. I would have to upgrade my entire stash to make things work.
4. And you know, we kind of have the WORST DROUGHT EVER. I couldn't stomach washing his dipes daily with double rinses etc.

With sposies on all the time, while it is convenient, I feel guilty every time I put them in the garbage. Also, I hate how expensive they are, knowing what I know about cloth stashes. It's a bit of a Catch 22, lose-lose situation.

SO the POTTY is really attractive for those reasons as well. That and there is the possibility of really exciting underwear for Kiddo (which if I can get motorcycles, sports, or Sesame Street characters, it will DEFINITELY be an incentive.).

Thus far, Kiddo sits on the potty with the lid up but not with his pants down. He decorated it with stickers, but he's not interested in actually using it. He does comment about when he's going. Sometimes he even requests potty time, but we still haven't made any kind of effort at getting him to actually fill it. Still, his love of his potty is encouraging. We may yet be potty trained this summer, and that would be VERY exciting.

Big Boy Bed

The transition to Kiddo's own room and bed has been a mixed bag. The first night he took twice as long to get to sleep because he was looking around the room, at his night-light, playing with his giraffe, etc. In the middle of the night he woke up, wailed, and only went back to sleep when I went in to nurse him. About 4 hours later he woke up wailing wanting to nurse again.

Needless to say, that night I did not get very much sleep.

The second night however, went better. He fell asleep faster and there was less wailing (even though I did end up going in twice). He seems to like the idea it is his bed and his room. Kiddo got very excited when he realized his clothes were in the closet and dresser.

2nd night with his motorcycle pillow, dolly, and kitty.

So we'll continue along this path with the bed and room. Hopefully we'll get to a place where he no longer needs me in the middle of the night. I hope that is in the near future, but I'll settle for a few months down the road (Am I too optimistic?).

Other Transitions

Beyond the potty and his own room, Kiddo is clearly becoming a child. There is no trace of infant in him. He asks questions and uses full sentences. He requests things, tells stories which are increasingly understandable, and follows two part instructions.

There are parts of me that see this and mourn the loss of the baby he used to be. Still, I celebrate as he progresses, knowing as he moves through life, things like good story-telling and full sentences are not only helpful, but necessary.

Night Nursing Happens

If you're planning on breastfeeding - which you should because of a gazillion benefits to mom and baby - you need to be prepared.

I don't know why people are delusional when it comes to feeding schedules, but they are, particularly at night. I have read all kinds of things about night feedings. I have read about the time babies should sleep through the night (Sleep through the night?! What does this even mean?!). Some people say babies should stop night nursing at 6 months. Some say 9. Others a year.

Here's the thing folks - the average breastfed human baby across the world doesn't self wean (day or night) until anywhere between 3 and 5 YEARS. That's NORMAL.

Ahem.

That means everyone talking about months is just plumb crazy. Get over the month thing! It's not happening. Get comfy! The baby belongs at the breast and the toddler too! Day and night!

My family makes fun of Kiddo saying he'll nurse until he's a teen. Well...that is another kind of crazy and NOT happening. He'll wean on his own some time in the next few years...just as all human babies do. And I will be sad when that happens.

I will be sad because I like night nursing. I like the cuddling and closeness. I like the sweetness. I like that Kiddo will curl up to me even if he's warm and I'm cold. I like his satisfied sigh as if everything is right in the world.

And it is. I can tell it is when he wakes up with a smile on his face and blows me kisses. Then he snuggles in close to sing to me. These are the moments mothers live for. Night nursing is totally worth it.

One High Needs Baby

High needs. Sensitive. Active.

These are words that describe Kiddo, along with observant, curious, social, playful, bright, and sweet.

But the first three, they dictate our parenting style.

Kiddo needs to be cuddled. He needs to move.  He doesn't sleep as long as other babies. He eats waaaay more often than most kids. He wakes up in the middle of the night wanting to play...pretty much every night at least once. Even if he doesn't, he rolls around like he's fighting off rabid monkeys.

He needs novelty in his toys. He needs distractions. Kiddo needs to be held.

To outsiders they see how social he is. They see his smile and think he's perfect all the time. I mean, he does let almost anyone hold him so...

Yeah. No.

Kiddo needs a LOT of extra attention. But people don't see that. So they think I shouldn't need to carry him all the time. They think we shouldn't need to bedshare. Except those attachment parenting strategies are what cause him to be so sweet.

I could ignore Kiddo's cries. I could leave him alone in the pack n play. I could let him wail for hours. And he would. I could do that and he would become an anxious, sad, distant little boy.

But I don't.

I say this so you know why today was rough. Last night no one slept. Kiddo tossed and turned. He wailed off and on until we gave him some baby ibuprofen. And this morning? Constant whimpering. He wouldn't sit in his highchair. He didn't want to play by himself. He only wanted to cuddle. Then he didn't want to stay in my lap but wanted to be on the floor gripping my leg. Needless to say, I couldn't do my workout at all (which lately has only been possible with someone watching him or by taking a 10 minute cuddle break). Instead I wore him in a front carry walking to the elementary school and back.

Writing? Ha. I can barely get meals together today. These are the days when peeing is a luxury. I have more of these days than not. Every baby has moments like this, but weeks on end means you have one high need kid.

I have heard it ends. I'm looking forward to that.

Traveling Across Country with Baby

Though this is belated, I figure I should give you a head's up about the traveling on a plane with a baby thing...except I can't. Honestly, I don't think I can give you any help or tips.

I'm not bragging or trying to be a horrible human being when I say Kiddo is perfect. I mean, really. He made everyone around him happy. Other than the expected meltdown when he was completely zonked or teething - he was a total trooper.

He laughed when the plane took off. He laughed when landing. The flight attendant said she'd never seen a better baby in flight. He was smiling and happy the entire time. He smiled when he met his great aunts and uncles. He smiled when he met his cousins. He smiled when he met complete strangers. In fact, he flirted shamelessly with older women EVERYWHERE WE WENT (He even had separation anxiety when his new girlfriends of five seconds left him forever - complete with pathetic whimpering.).

He did teethe.

There were several nights he barely slept because his teeth were coming through...and VIOLA! He now has a total of 6 teeth (4 came in up top ALL AT ONCE...ick.). That part was rough.

The meltdowns in the carseat when he was exhausted and just wanted to snuggle with his mommy were rough. Those happened...at least once a day which considering how much driving we did daily, was a minor miracle.

He even did well with the complete strange babysitter during my cousin's wedding and reception. Kiddo was a perfect baby.

And that wasn't lost on people. I mean, he got noticed. His sweetness was noticed. And I had to tell everyone over and over: All babies are not like this. They aren't all this sweet and charming and perfect. Don't be fooled into thinking you'll have one like this - you might, but don't count on it.

Christian's family has a history of inspiring other people into having children because his family has such sweet babies, and then, well, these people get screwed. I guess there was a rash of babies wherever his parents lived after each of their four children was born. Ha.

So yes, Kiddo was a doll and lovely with everyone however I wouldn't want to travel with a baby again. Why? Because it's still rough on even the most cooperative of babies. Their routines are all jacked up. They get constipated. They get exposed to a thousand bagillion germs on the plane. They have to suffer being confined in a car seat way more than they'd ever care to. They have no idea when they're supposed to sleep. They have no idea when they're supposed to eat. Everything is all goofy and the result is crankiness on the part of either the parent, the baby, or everyone involved.

So yeah. Kiddo is perfect...or it was a minor miracle we came out unscathed.

Six Month Sleep Problems

I've been told a lot recently that I should have kiddo sleep alone and cry it out.

There is nothing I hate more than when someone tells me what will work best for kiddo's sleep. I say this because from the time he was a newborn he slept better with us. Not only did he sleep better, but so did we.

Now things are changing, but not how you might think.

He's clingier than ever. He used to let other people, however short a list, put him to bed. Now he wails unless he's snuggled and nursing. Sleeping alone? Forget it. Cry it out? Don't be ridiculous. He's been crying quite enough.

In the middle of the night he's begun crying and thrashing in his sleep - at least 3 times every night if not more. He's also going to sleep later and waking up earlier. He's so tired these days he's got bags under his eyes. It's awful.
I'm forcing him to take at least 3 naps during the day which helps his overall mood, but he's still spacey and fussier than I'd like. And of course with the sleep I've been getting, I'm crankier too.

So what's causing all this sleep disruption?

There are several reasons I've discovered as possibly ruining our nights:

1. Allergies - possible. Baby noses get stuffed and it gets uncomfortable causing them to fuss in the middle of the night. I have allergies which means kiddo could too, so it isn't off the table. Still he's not really showing signs of allergies.
2. Illness - while I understand how this could be (see the allergy reasoning above), I don't think this is the cause...unless junk in the air counts as illness? Right now there's a lot of crap in the air around here - pollen, fertilizer, cut grass, and just dirt. There's only been a little rain and the junk in the air is getting to everyone.
3. Night terrors - caused by over-tiredness. Possible. Night terrors are nightmares that babies and young children don't wake from. They thrash around and cry horribly until the terror is over. Soothing a child in a night terror is supposed to make them last longer, except when I soothe kiddo the episodes end sooner so I don't think this is the cause.
4. Developmental leap - possible. Kiddo is *really* close to crawling. I mean, really. He loves tummy time and gets super frustrated when he doesn't get to move around. I guess you could say he's commando crab crawling at the moment (going backwards on his belly) but he's got the urge to do the typical crawl. Apparently when the leap is achieved, the night crying disappears.
5. And then there is teething. Kiddo does have two teeth coming through the bottom gums right now, so it could be discomfort from this as well. It's hard to know. Christian doesn't think it's worth giving him Ibuprofen for anything at this point so soothing will have to do...
6. It could also be a combination of things, which is just as likely as some of the individual reasons.

Whatever the case, I'm being religious about kiddo's napping. It seems to help, but he still has these bags under his eyes. I guess I'll just have to wait until whatever this is passes for those to disappear. In the mean time, we'll nap and soothe and sleep how we sleep best.

Surviving The Worst of Babies

I've heard different views on the idea of when a baby is most difficult to parent. I'm only about halfway through babydom, but I've already been through two of the major contenders: the fussy fourth trimester, and the four month sleep regression.

The fourth trimester got a lot of press through Happiest Baby on the Block. The idea is the baby is too young - too immature when they're born. They suddenly realize the discomfort they're feeling sometime around two weeks old and their fussiness tends to peak around six weeks old and doesn't completely disappear until they're around three to four months.

The problem with this fussiness is the fact that you can't do anything to soothe your baby. There is a certain time, around 4 in the afternoon through about 11 at night, where your baby is literally inconsolable. You use as many tactics as you can, but in the end, sometimes the only thing that will stop the cry-fest is sleep.

The second difficult moment of babydom I've experienced is the four month sleep regression. What happens in the sleep regression is your little cherub had established a routine. You knew when they took their naps. You knew when they were ready for bed. You knew when they would nurse etc. Suddenly this routine is thrown out the window. This is because your darling child is transitioning from baby sleeping patterns to adult patterns. This means they have more light sleep therefore they can't stay asleep as long. Instead, they startle themselves awake, to the point that sometimes they want to play for thirty minutes in the middle of the night.

If you thought newborn life involved transitioning into a zombie, you will yearn for brains at the sleep regression.

I'm not sure which I think is worse, or which I prefer. What I do know is I've come up with a few tactics to stay sane during these more difficult periods of life.

1. Invest in a highlighter. No, not the neon kind you used in college - the kind that brightens your face. Seriously. These things are magical. It doesn't matter how little sleep you got last night, this thing is a miracle. If you have the money to spend, go for Benefit's. If you're going cheap, go for Physicians Formula's. Wearing this I've fooled people into thinking I was five years younger than I was while functioning on four hours sleep. No joke!
2. Get comfortable with the Boob Tube. Find like four or five television series you semi-like, and memorize the movie channels that show something reasonable (i.e. something PG). This will be helpful because you won't feel completely isolated on those couch nursing days and when baby is old enough, you have a slight distraction that will allow you to go to the bathroom or brush your teeth.
3. A variety of toys is ALWAYS a good idea, especially for the sleep regression. Kiddo currently loves his plastic keys, small stuffed animals, and anything by Sassy or Taggies. The more complicated the toy, the better. The entertainment value goes up exponentially! Of course, novelty is good (sometimes all you need is a piece of crinkly paper!).
4. Nap! If kiddo looks remotely sleepy, I just put him down. And then I lay down. Seriously. If either one of us misses our naptime, the apocalypse is around the corner.
5. Ibuprofen. For him. For me. For everyone! While this isn't something I'd give kiddo daily, it is something I give him when his gums are bothering him (or if he's sick, of course!). For me, any day when my sleep has been disrupted I don't stint. This is something necessary for life.
6. A no-fuss haircut that fits your face does wonders. I love my haircut because all I have to do is run a little curl defining product through it and it looks fabulous. This goes a long way to banishing any stress that might come from primping while caring for a baby as well as the apparent aging that comes from being sleep deprived. The result? You feel a thousand times better despite missing naptime!
7. Family, friends, and paid help are necessary. Sometimes you need a break. Sometimes you need a helping hand. Whatever the case may be, people in your life give you that extra support that can carry you through the wailing and sleep deprivation.
8. Coffee. I know they say don't rely on coffee to keep you awake when breastfeeding but let's be honest - when there's a question of whether or not you can handle 12 hours of baby care, coffee is a necessary evil.
9. Pacifiers kept my sanity during the most difficult part of the fourth trimester, and they continue to lull kiddo to sleep (as well as function as a teether during a pinch). Unless your kid doesn't like pacis, I really feel they are a useful tool. As a side note, I recommend a tether to go with your pacifier. These things get lost all the time, and a tether minimizes this.
10. This might seem strange, but a chair has made a huge difference for kiddo. He's a social baby, and so being able to sit at the table during meals makes our meal time a lot more relaxed. There are some chair options for younger babies, but generally this is going to be a solution for someone with a baby going through the sleep regression.
11. Never underestimate the power of an eye mask. You might have punctuated sleep at night, but the sleep you do get will be so much better when you strap one of these over your eyes. My favorite is one from REI because it has a little pocket to hold earplugs and has a lip at the bottom inside that prevents any errant light from reaching your bloodshot eyeballs. I'm now on the third one of this model because I like it so much (though I don't usually use the earplugs that come with it).
12. Some people will say you shouldn't wear earplugs to sleep when you need to be able to hear your baby, but I don't have a problem. If I didn't wear earplugs, I'd never sleep (thanks to my snore-tastic husband). So earplugs are another really important weapon in my sanity arsenal, which is why I'm recommending them here (assuming you have pretty good hearing normally and a low level of wax).
13. A cotton (or other washable fabric) scarf makes a really nice necklace substitute (necklaces are a no-go once you reach the grasping stage) that can also sub as a nursing cover or even cover up the puke stains your little alien gave you just after you left the house. My personal favorites are Indian dupattas - they're long, versatile, and often have a bagillion colors that allow them to be worn with a ton of outfits. You can also buy similar items in person at World Market.
14. Establishing processes is crucial. You might not know what your daily routine is, but if you have go to processes to use for everything, changes in your baby's habits are easier to manage. For example, having a sleep routine is really helpful, even if baby decides he doesn't want to go to sleep at the same time every night. Having processes and plans you can use to allow you to do the laundry, use the bathroom, take a shower, or eat lunch are crucial. This is as much as training yourself to expect certain things as it is your baby. Kiddo knows what's going on when I tell him I'm making coffee (oh yes...coffee!) and enjoys watching me go through the steps of different chores.
15. Knowing what your baby likes and giving him or her that thing is something that a lot of people don't talk about. Babies have preferences. Paying attention to those preferences and honoring them makes a huge difference. You can tell when a baby gets excited by their expressions. It's clear if babies want something because they reach for it. When you honor these preferences I think it contributes to your baby's trust in you as well as decreasing his or her general fussiness.

I'm sure there are other things I use to get through the tougher parts of babydom, but these are the things that stick out in my foggy mommy mind. I hope they help you as much as they help me!

Have some other tricks and tips for surviving the worst of babydom? Share them below!