Post Baby Belly: Nightmares and Fantasies

Raisin.
Dried fig.
A shriveled apricot.

This is the appearance of that excess tummy skin some women are blessed with even months and years after pregnancy.

I have read everything I can about this and I am losing weight slowly but... I still have some wrinkled weird looking jelly belly happening below my belly button. It makes me incredibly self-conscious. I am painfully aware of short shirts that with the slightest movement could display this striped wrinkled monstrosity to the cold light of day.

This is what nightmares are made of. I am not documenting this...well maybe for myself, but not for anyone else to see. That's just not right.

Mine isn't as bad as some women's and I am hopeful that it will eventually find its way back to something close to normal. In the mean time, I forget to anxiously massage lotion into the area more than I would like. I then proceed to stare with critical eyes every trip past a mirror.

What can I do? I didn't realize having a baby would mean I might never be able to have a smooth belly again!

There are things I can do...like lose weight slowly, lotion it up, and drink uber amounts of water...but I am notoriously bad at doing these kinds of things. I mean, I was pretty good before Kiddo, but now I'm lucky if I brush my teeth. If I floss once and brush twice, it's a good day. Seriously.

On a side note, I am amazed more women don't have dental implants by 45. Are our teeth better just long enough to last through child bearing? These are the questions that keep me up at night...

That and my remaining jelly belly.

I'm not as worried about it as I was before starting my exercise regime. Now I feel like most of it will shrink back. I just wish the process was faster. I see all these celebs with their perfect bodies post baby and it makes me really cranky. I mean, why can't I have that?

Oh yeah...

So while I wait for the skin to smooth and the fat to flee, I will try to focus on the positives of the situation: my new eating and exercising habits, and the other bit. You know, that really adorable little person I hang out with on a daily basis. That guy. He's pretty sweet. And he likes to rub my belly like I'm Buddha while he's nursing. Who knows? Maybe I'm lucky several times over. If I'm really lucky, in a year, there won't be any left to rub.

Unexpected Symptoms: Pregnancy

my fav preggers pic

The second book in the Raising An Alien series is a natural extension of the discoveries I made during my pregnancy.

I couldn't believe how many symptoms, or strange manifestations of even common symptoms, were discussed so rarely or not at all. It amazed me especially considering how many ridiculous websites, magazines and books are out there about pregnancy.

You'd think they would have covered this stuff, but no.

Really. It's crazypants.

So instead of keeping these things to myself, or making them really difficult to find in a blog archive (of which I only included some of the unexpected symptoms, certainly not all) I decided I would compile them into a book, Unexpected Symptoms: Pregnancy. Some of the chapters draw on posts I made here, with significant (or not so significant) tweaks. Others are completely new.

The goal is to share my experience of these weird symptoms with other women who find themselves in similar situations. We shouldn't feel alone in these strange experiences and it's always reassuring to find that someone else has had the same or at least a similar experience.

It's not a long book, but it is informative with good chapter lengths for the busy or extremely exhausted pregnant lady. The goal is to have it published soon after the 52 Lists book either the last week in April or the first week in May (another mommy-to-be Mothers' Day gift perhaps???).

What were some of your unexpected pregnancy symptoms? Please share them below! I'd love to read some of your experiences!

Mommy Pattern Baldness

One of the little known after-effects of childbirth is hair loss. From what I understand, there's a particular way it appears, in fact, a particular pattern. For some women, this might be a scary thing, but for me it wasn't that big of a deal.


I've always had thick hair. In fact, my hair has always been kind of insanely thick. Certain barrettes and hair-ties don't work for me. So when the pregnancy extra-thick hair kicked in, I didn't really notice (though apparently other people did). The only thing that bugged me was how HOT it made me. I was sweating constantly, so the weekend before kiddo was born, I cut my hair.

My new mommy pattern baldness!

It wasn't until kiddo was a couple months old that I started losing hair. Literally every time I ran my hand through my hair, I would pull out a little clump of strands. While this was slightly disconcerting, I read it might happen and so I was prepared. My only worry was having bald spots. Women with bald spots doesn't work very well. But of course, I did get something like a bald spot. I got baby hairs. Ha! And who knew they were called baby hairs for that reason? Certainly not me!

close up of the baby hairs

Still, I had to come up with a plan of action. My hair had grown out from the time I'd last cut it (in the last days of August) and I needed to come up with a way to cover my new bald spots and also deal with kiddo's new favorite activity - hair pulling. What to do? Time for a cut!  I had been going back and forth as to what to do with my bangs. Originally I wanted to let them continue to grow out, but the grim fact staring back at me in the mirror was the fact that letting my bangs grow out was going to be incredibly inconvenient on a daily basis while trying to cover these goofy bald spots. I knew the spots would disappear with time, and I could always grow out any bangs in the long run, so I decided I was back to bangs. Layering my hair was going to make kiddo's grabbing handfuls of my hair a little easier to tolerate (also it would make styling REALLY easy).

There really was only one conclusion for me. So like always, I holed myself up in the bathroom and took the scissors to my dark locks (I'm not crazy, just cheap and very experienced). While cutting your own hair isn't something I'd recommend to everyone, it works for me, and thankfully this time, my new cut covered my baby hairs perfectly and also kept kiddo from yanking out additional chunks!

shameless selfie of my new cut

Yes, there really is such a thing as a mommy haircut. Damn. But at least mine looks good, even if I say so myself. :-D

Postpartum Weight Loss: 3 Months

It's the long awaited and very necessary postpartum weight loss post. It's been 3 months since kiddo was born, so I figured I'd give a little clarity to my situation.

sigh.

Let's do a run down:

• At the end of pregnancy I had gained a whopping 51 pounds. Not exactly the ideal weight gain, but I also was retaining a stupid amount of water.
• In the first 2 weeks after birth, I lost 30 pounds. Some of that was placenta, some it was baby (of course!), and some of it was water.
• Now I'm left with 20 additional pounds to the weight I gained during the last 5 years of marriage (which, to be honest, has brought me into the overweight BMI category, though, happily not excessively so).

So now what?

Well, I was tired of the extra pounds before pregnancy and this extra postpartum weight finally got me motivated to systematically do something about it.

I have used different exercising videos, strength training workouts, and even logging apps. At one point I'd even had a paper journal to document my progress. Through this journey I can say I did lose inches, and a few pounds, as well as gained a lot of muscle. I discovered the exercises I hated and the ones I loved.

But I didn't really lose. Nothing was really working - not the way I wanted and I didn't understand why. Then I got pregnant and I packed on the poundage.

With these extra pregnancy pounds, now I feel like I need to do a great shedding. I need to get to a place where I feel good about my body again. I decided I needed to try something different - I needed to change how I was eating. I needed to take my exercise up a notch.

I looked through the Google Play store and found Noom Weight Loss Coach. It's got a free version and seemed to be very popular, so I downloaded it and tried it out. It's a food and exercise logging application that makes weight loss into a kind of game (or at least that's how it feels to me). It also isn't a calorie counter. I mean, yes, calorie counting is involved, but that's a very small portion of the whole thing.

I found my salvation.

Well, I've lost 4 pounds in the month I've been using it - not a lot, but something (including the Thanksgiving holiday!). The bigger deal however is the inches. I lost 2.5 inches in my waist. I lost 2 inches in my hips. I even lost a total of 2 inches on my thighs. The beauty of this is I haven't completely given anything up. I still eat some of the things that trainers would put on the no-no list (though in moderation). And yet my pants are getting baggy (and I'm still retaining water! Thanks hormones!).

But I still have a long way to go. I've been afraid to take out my pre-pregnancy jeans. I have a few inches to go before I feel comfortable trying them on. I know where my numbers used to be and I can't remember how loose my beloved jeans were. I've brought out some of my pre-pregnancy shirts, but I've been wearing them sparingly. When I put them on they're just a reminder to me how much weight I'm still carrying because they fit differently, even if they do fit.

The goal now is to first get rid of the pregnancy 20 I'm carrying, and then to get rid of the embarrassingly high number of non-pregnancy related pounds. I'd like to wear some of those gorgeous dresses hanging around in my closet once more. Currently I'm hoping to have some major changes by May 31. Why? My cousin's getting married at the end of May and it would be great to feel, well, great while visiting the whole family.

I know I can do it. It may be slow going, but it's going. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Wonderful Teething

Well, kiddo has been exceptionally fussy the last few days. This seems to happen once a week, but really, it's another wonder week (or so I hear). So he could be about to have another mental leap, or he could just grow another two inches in a night. One is documented and the other seems just as likely.

That may be what's going on, but there is also the whole gum thing. Yes. That.

Kiddo has started gumming everything in sight. He wants to chew on everything. He's batting at his face constantly and he fusses until he gets something to chew. Oh, and the drool is rivaling a livestock guard dog's.

Yes it would appear kiddo is teething.

I've read that teething can happen up to four weeks before the teeth actually sprout. He is about three months in, and teeth can pop up around four months. I'm not looking forward to that.

Kiddo seems to be very interested in adult food. He looks longingly at us eating our food as though he'd ready for the big stuff. I'd rather he keep breastfeeding exclusively until he's 12 months old. Then he can start on solids. That's what I want, assuming he doesn't decide to bite my nipples off with his new mouthful of teeth, which is the other thing I'm concerned about. But it doesn't really matter.

In the end, I'm just going to have to deal with whatever happens - solid food and teeth - sooner or later. I can hope for later though. Hope. Later. Crossies.

2 Month Well Baby Visit

Yesterday kiddo had his 2 month well baby visit at 10 weeks old.

We really lucked out with a great doc a block away from home who has 25 years experience. This man was phenomenal. He genuinely loves kids and has a great bedside manner. He made us feel comfortable and informed us in no uncertain terms that kiddo is perfect...if on the bigger side.

Spiderman Band-aid!

Remember the last weight update? He was 13 lbs 6 oz at 6 weeks. Just 4 weeks later...he gained 2 pounds! He is now 15 lbs 6 oz!

*blinks*

I might have to compete in one of those crazy challenge runs using kiddo as a training tool...just wearing him is a workout!

And how long is kiddo? A whopping 25 inches! This kid has grown a crazy amount. He was 21.25 inches at birth! He's grown almost 4 inches in 2.5 months! That means he's in the 95% for both height and weight. He's perfectly proportioned.

In addition to finding out that kiddo is growing perfectly and looks completely normal developmentally, he got 4 vaccines because we're following the CDC schedule for vaccination. Apparently the one oral vaccine was more delicious than his vitamin D drops he takes daily. The 3 shots in his thighs were something else entirely.

Ironman Band-aid!

I haven't seen kiddo wail like that since the newborn screening. The poor kid was so upset. I picked him up and nursed him, whispering soothing words in his ear. Eventually he settled down, however it wasn't over.

For the rest of the day he cried whenever his thighs were touched. That night he had a low grade fever and for once wasn't sweating. He also wasn't nursing as well. I gave him pain reliever and sat up with him to try to get him to nurse which he did. Then the fever broke and he was so sweaty it soaked through 3 layers of towel. He even had pink crystals in his diaper the next morning he'd lost so much water (Needless to say we nursed extra long this morning.).
He was actually cranky until 8 pm today, when he finally began smiling again.

I hated this past day but I'd rather deal with a mild vaccine reaction and cranky baby than have to sit next a crib in the hospital wondering if my baby's going to live or die or survive with life-long health issues or disabilities. It breaks my heart to see kiddo in mild discomfort, but I can live with that if it means keeping kiddo healthy.

6 Week Giant

Remember how I wasn't sure if kiddo was a giant? Well, he is. Today at our final postpartum appointment at the birth center we weighed him. Keep in mind he's exactly 6 weeks. Keep in mind the average - the average - breastfed baby gains 5-7 ounces per week...

13 lbs 5 oz.

Seriously.

Who needs free weights?

Remember how much he was at birth? 9 lbs 8 oz. Then at the first (or was it second? It was the first week anyway!) appointment he actually lost 10% of his birth weight and was 8 lbs 9 oz...sooo he's gained over 4 lbs since that time.

F-O-U-R POUNDS!

The average baby puts on about T-W-O by their 6 week mark. 2. That's it. Just 2.

It would appear that kiddo will stay in the 90th percentile and I'm crossing my fingers for athletic scholarships in his future.

It could happen. Christian's family does that sort of thing, and I was always really good at school. The combo seems likely. So Ivy League it is? Crossies!

How to Cope with The Fussy Six Week Baby

I knew it would happen eventually. I knew at some point kiddo would go from being the angelic darling that he's been for the past month and a half and turn into the fussy hellish imp that all babies become at some point during infancy.

Yes, we reached the six week mark.

For some reason babies start to turn around 5 weeks old. They become "fussy." Well, not just fussy. They begin to "cry excessively." Usually they do this during the late afternoon and early evening. If you're lucky like us, the baby does this from about 7 pm to 11 pm, and likely starts even earlier.

Well, there are strategies, tactics if you will, for dealing with this emerging imp.

First, collect your arsenal. This should include the following:

• Your diaper changing stuff
• Feeding paraphernalia
• A burp cloth
• A pacifier
• A bouncer/swing
• A baby carrier (sling, K'tan, etc)
• A glass of water
• A swaddling blanket
• A car & carseat

Okay. Ready? Here's the process:

1. First check his (I've got a son so I'm sticking to male pronouns. Deal.) diaper. If dirty or wet, change him. Still crying? Go on to 2.
2. Feed him. Still crying? Go to 3.
3. Burp him. Make sure to continue burping until you get a few good burps (and possibly curdy spit-up all over your shoulder/burp cloth). Still crying? Continue on!
4. Give him a pacifier. I've heard if a baby spits it out you're supposed to pull on it and they'll latch tighter but this trick has NEVER worked for us...so if the plug comes out, give it a try and let me know how it goes. Still crying? Paci only a temporary fix? Let's try something else!
5. Set him in the bouncer! This gives your arms and back a break too. Not working out? We've got some more options!
6. Sometimes carrying a baby works better than putting them in a bouncer (the whole heartbeat, warmth thing in addition to movement). Kiddo usually goes right to sleep in our K'tan. If this doesn't work you may need to combine tactics...
7. Make a loud shushing noise right in his ear or sing a lullaby (this is why you need the water)! Sometimes babies need the noise combined with some of these other options (for example the paci and the carrier). Man if this doesn't work you better brush up on tucking baby in!
8. Swaddling REALLY works well. This puts kiddo to sleep in a few minutes. Combine it with a paci and you've got a winning combination. But if this doesn't work then...
9. You better go for a drive.

These are tactics I've learned from reading books like Happiest Baby on the Block and Dr. Sears' The Baby Book as well as blogs. I've heard them repeated by moms and grandmas regularly. And then of course, I've used them myself and seen them work.

They do work for the typical fussy six week old baby. They will not work on a baby that has something medically wrong (dairy sensitivity, GERD, etc). Of course, if these things aren't working or you're at your wits end - send in the cavalry. I've had to take a break myself. I won't be the last parent to do so. Don't be afraid to call for back up (like grandma or the pediatrician). There is definitely a time and a place!

For now I'm going to enjoy a few more hours of relative calm before the fussy imp makes his appearance...and you should too!

Have you tried these tactics? What worked best for you? Leave a comment down below!

My First Week or After Birth Secrets

Well, I've been a mom for almost a week. Already there have been some challenges, mostly because I wasn't prepared for afterbirth mayhem.

I say this because a lot of people focus on the birth as the big deal - and it is. Don't get me wrong. Birth is a big deal. However the birth is a short time compared to everything that comes after. With that in mind, let's take a look at what after actually means.

Firstly, newborns are pretty great. They're cute and have only a few needs. As long as you can take care of those needs, you're golden. That means changing diapers and feeding about every other hour. Changing diapers is actually the easy part. Feeding is much more complicated.

Well, if you're formula feeding then I guess it would be pretty easy. Breast-feeding is more complex. Like all things, breast-feeding is a process. What they don't tell you (they being pretty much everyone) is the first few days *hurt.* You and baby are trying to figure out what works and what doesn't. In the mean time your breasts become engorged. So for a day or two, maybe right after you felt like you caught your stride, baby has trouble latching on and your breasts feel like rocks that are capable of popping. Strangely, the only relief is not from expressing milk or even ice packs. No - cabbage leaves on the boob for 20 minutes 3 times a day is what makes this bearable (Who thought of this originally? I don't know but it makes as much sense as the guy who ate lobster for the first time.).

Now something that can add even more fun to the mix is loss of birth weight in the baby. In our case, kiddo lost more than 10% in just a day! I blame this on the obscene amount of poop coming out of this kid and the fact that colostrum (first milk) just wasn't enough calories. This meant we had to supplement for about a day until my mature milk came in. Luckily I had access to an overproducer of breastmilk through the birth center so we didn't use any formula. Later that night my milk came in and by Friday kiddo had gained back 5 ounces.

Did I mention I feed this kid a ridiculous amount? He likes to eat...more than the average newborn (or so I've been told).

By the time mature milk comes in, breast-feeding is what people tell you it is - all unicorns and rainbows. It feels nice and it's very much bonding time for mom and baby. So feeding kiddo for hours on end isn't such a "chore" so much as a gift.

As for the rest of mom's body, things are a little more uncomfortable. The first few days after birth are sore. Arms, legs, back, and of course the entire crotch are sore. This is true even with the intense numbing that happens with the trauma of birth (But don't worry - that numbing disappears along with the swelling. Yes, more discomfort is around the corner!).

Even if you aren't lucky enough to have tearing like mine, walking, sitting, and laying down (or standing up) are difficult. If you do have tearing, then everything is exponentially harder as you aren't allowed to sit normally for fear of preventing healing or damaging stitches.

Some women have trouble with dizziness which means your partner (or someone else) has to watch you take your showers to make sure you don't fall when exposed to warm water.

Your belly is gelatinous (okay, not quite that bad, but it was seriously stretched! It takes a while to get back to normal!) but it is a lot smaller. You did just lose a bunch of weight in a short time (Don't ask me how much I've lost. I am refusing to look at the scale right now.). However, the edema you acquired is still hanging on and keeping that number artificially inflated. I can still play the putty game with the top of my feet, for example.

Oh...and we can't forget lochia! That's the best kept secret. Remember months without your period? It was all being stored up for this time! Basically the body is expelling one third of it's blood (all the extra blood used during pregnancy) over the course of the 2 - 6 weeks after birth. It's actually not as bad as it sounds, but it is something you need to be prepared for.

Now...are you scared (Insert: evil laugh and/or grin)?

I guess people don't talk about these things because they don't want you to freak out. But for me, I wish I'd have known so I could prepare myself a little better for this first week at least. These things are normal and it feels better for me to know what is normal, even if it isn't pretty, neat, or easy. This time of discomfort and awkwardness doesn't last forever. Every time I look over at my baby I forget all these things because he is so precious and of course I would go through the deepest pits of Hell for this wriggle monster. So what's a little bleeding? What's a little soreness? I would kill to protect him. I would die to protect him. But that's what it means to be a mother.

30 Reasons To Wish Babies Came Early

Earlier this week I would have said I could be pregnant for a few more weeks and be fine.

Part of me still feels that way - the mental and emotional part. Okay, so 2/3 of me feels this way. The other 1/3 of me - my body - is saying "You're joking, right?"

I have officially reached the realm of constant discomfort.

I've heard of this place before, but I didn't really believe it. For all my griping about unexpected symptoms (of which there have been waaaaay too many) I thought pregnancy was alright. It was sort of an adventure. I could get behind the random symptoms because most of the time I got to be a sort of scientist, studying these things in nearly an academic way. It was a learning exercise.

Not any more.

Let's give you a run down of why I wish this kid would come early:

1. Every time I stand up my knees hurt.
2. Half the time I stand up my crotch hurts.
3. I am always sweaty. Always. (FYI - I don't really sweat, so this is reaaaally uncomfortable for me)
4. I am always hot (see above).
5. My maternity pants fit, but are too warm to wear comfortably.
6. My ankles, feet, shins, and fingers are permanently swollen. Sometimes they swell to elephant like proportions.
7. Only one pair of flip-flops I own actually fit me these days.
8. I can't eat whatever I want (and I've been craving pastries now like you wouldn't believe...and ice cream. I really want soft-serve ice cream!).
9. I tire out going upstairs.
10. I can't carry on a phone conversation without pausing to breathe...and not where sentences end but in the middle of sentences - like 2 or 3 times!
11. My head is so congested my ear is full of fluid (I'm getting this fun echo effect. When I say fun, I mean incredibly annoying.).
12. The congestion is giving me mild sinus headaches.
13. I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep because my joints ache, I have to pee, AND I'm hungry enough to eat a meal.
14. Sometimes I feel incredibly restless and nothing makes me feel better (even cleaning the stove doesn't work!).
15. Heartburn happens if I lay on my right side.
16. Laying on my left side results in kiddo squeezing up under my ribs in a really uncomfortable way.
17. The only comfortable sitting positions are ones that encourage kiddo to stay in a posterior position.
18. Walking is both necessary (to feel comfortable) and incredibly difficult.
19. Most of my maternity shirts no longer cover my belly completely.
20. My underwear just barely fits so it pinches depending on my position.
21. I have to coat myself in coconut oil to keep my skin remotely normal. It takes hours to be absorbed and I end up feeling really gross as I stick to things and things stick to me as I wait.
22. I pee like 3 times in an hour - every hour.
23. Sometimes even if I just peed, kiddo will move, and then I have to pee again.
24. Picking something up off the floor is a feat of engineering.
25. I can cry over most things without provocation. Sometimes I'm actually upset, but no one can tell the difference.
26. My belly is so big it gets in the way of doing dishes, cleaning, opening doors, and pretty much everything. It is way more uncomfortable for something to press against my belly that it is my shoulder.
27. Cooking at the stove is impossible for longer than like 3 minutes at a time - the heat exhausts me.
28. Half the things I want to get done require the ability to lift more than 20 lbs, expose myself to noxious fumes, or bend in an impossible way.
29. Driving is a bad idea. I have serious hormonal bad judgment (like it is dangerous for me to make right-hand turns) and my legs get horrible cramps when shifting. The result? I'm basically stuck at home.
30. Going between the bed and my bathroom (about 10 steps) is often done with a stumbling waddle because I simply can't get my balance in that amount of steps.

I think that pretty much sums up the final few weeks. For those of you who have been pregnant, what were the reasons you wanted to pop that baby out? Leave a comment below!

A Mother's Intense Need for Security

Normally I'm the kind of person who is pretty pro-security. I don't mean rent-a-cops or military action. I'm talking about feeling secure in your finances and general daily living. In that way, I'm always seeking a more secure situation. Since being pregnant, and particularly as I've gotten closer to my "guess date" I've become MUCH more concerned with security.

It makes sense, especially when considering biology. A mother wants to make sure her babies are protected and provided for. And no one would question this instinct or this need. The only problem is sometimes it can get pretty intense and that intensity is difficult for other people to deal with.

Because of this crazy hormone-driven need of mine, I've been pushing at Christian pretty hard. The poor guy. I feel badly about it. The problem is, it's hard for me to stop myself, even when I'm able to see what I'm doing.

I mean, if I'm honest with myself, I probably wouldn't be much different if I wasn't pregnant. But if I wasn't pregnant, I'd probably also be pushing myself just as hard (although some people would say my insane publishing goal this summer may qualify). And if I wasn't pregnant, as painful as failure would be, there would be room in my mind for it. I could reconcile myself to the idea of falling pretty far...yet again.

However in my hormonally and biologically driven need for security as a mother, there is no room for failure. I need something to work out and I need it to work out now. I need to know that things will be okay, not just hear regularly repeated promises of things eventually working out. I don't have the patience for procrastination or for shrugging something off yet again when it could be done in a spare 20 minutes along with 10 other things. I mean, I could remodel my apartment in a night...

And as I see this thinking in myself, I see my mother.

My mother is like Martha Stewart or Wonder Woman (or both). She's not normal. She's perfect. I mean, everything she does, she does well and as soon as she can. She never let's something sit - ever. Her idea of late is 15 minutes early. Her idea of a casual dinner is a three course meal with wine pairings. Half the time this is served on the family china.

She's the kind of woman who makes lists and plans months in advance. In fact, I think stores decided to use my mother's holiday calendar to determine when Halloween and Christmas things need to put out (that's why they're so early - sorry guys!).

And if you met her, you'd think, "This is a really nice lady!" and if you watched her do any of her magic you'd think, "Oh my god! She can't be human!" And if you confronted her about any of these things, she would deny them vehemently (and she probably will after she reads this and calls me, despite the fact that I've heard the same pronouncements from multiple other completely unrelated people).

But the impact she's made on how I deal with life, the universe, and everything is huge. How I expect things to be, how and when they should be done, is textbook my mother. The result is I'm pushing Christian a little too hard right now.  After all, we can't all be superhuman. My ridiculous standards should really only be mine, and even then, I should probably ease up (Ha! That will happen!).

What will be, will be. Either we'll be able to stay in the Bay area or we won't and we'll deal with it when it comes. And in the mean time, I'll have to force my crazy need to get things done, organized, and perfect through my writing or other outlets. I mean, I'll do that right after I clean the stove top...and the counters...and make a to-do list...

Pre-eclampsia or Anxiety-induced Hypertension?

I had another appointment today and a few things happened.

1. My ankles were swollen to holy hell (that's a technical term).
2. My diastolic blood pressure was still in the danger zone (a.k.a. pre-hypertension) and my systolic was a little higher than it often is at my appointments.
3. My weight hadn't changed since last week (woohoo!).
4. My belly had somehow increased in size by 2 cm.

The result? They tested my urine...for sugar and for proteins. Yeah. Not good.

The good thing is there wasn't either present.

The bad thing is that I still have to keep an eye on all these things because if I have something else happen (like headaches, nausea, or regular vision disturbances) then I will have to do a 24 hour protein panel.

If you've never been pregnant or had any experience with these kinds of symptoms in a pregnant lady, then let me enlighten you - they're worried about pre-eclampsia.

Pre-eclampsia is the most common (and one of the most deadly) pregnancy complications you can have. Even still I think it's only about 6% of pregnant ladies who are blessed with the annoying thing. The reason it is so serious is because it can lead to some pretty awful things happening during childbirth - like hemorrhaging, seizures, strokes, heartattacks...death...

Ahem.

Yeah.

Needless to say, my midwives don't think I have it, but the combination of things does lead them to want to keep an eye out. I have, the entire time I've been seeing them, had higher diastolic numbers. I do, as a general rule (like since forever because, hey it's inherited) have horrible circulation which makes things like getting fluid up my legs pretty difficult. Then of course, there's also the fact that I'm generally a nervous person...which doesn't help with blood pressure.

The nerves thing isn't exactly getting better because we are still having a lot of concerns about paying rent, (All that money we got from those baby showers? That's basically paying for us to live in the Bay area this month.) food, and our other bills. Christian's job is yielding less take-home pay than his previous job, and it isn't even winter.

So yeah, even with HypnoBabies helping my overall anxiety etc, I'm still a bit on edge because we just don't know what will happen. We still haven't finished paying the midwives (who have been incredibly gracious and understanding about our situation, thankfully!). We just got our insurance cards in the mail (and coverage!) through Cobra.

So I don't really feel like my blood pressure is too bad (or out of the range of normal) considering our situation. In fact, I think I'm doing pretty well.

All that said, clearly we still need thoughts, prayers, and extended feelers for better jobs for Christian (and purchases/ratings of my books! Purlease!). We'd love to stay in the Bay, but if something doesn't happen, we're going to have to move (and as much as I love my family, I'm not jumping up and down to live with them for however long as we get adjusted to life with a new baby).

So...send us positive vibes. Buy a copy of one of my books (and rate it everywhere you can!). Share suggestions about potential jobs for Christian. That's what we need. And hopefully diastolic blood pressure stays lower than 90.

I Can't Even Breathe

This week has been really hard. With the flood issue causing our place to be in disarray and it being incredibly muggy for the Bay, I've been more than a little uncomfortable.

In fact, I couldn't breathe.

Literally.

Between my constant congestion (something I've had to some extent for months), my diminished lung capacity, and the humid air, I was literally seeing spots. I was gulping at the air trying to breathe. I couldn't go up the stairs some days this week without Christian watching me and holding the railing because I was afraid something would happen.

The day after the flood was the worst for the breathing issue, but it hasn't gone away. Trying to follow along with the "deep breathing" part of the HypnoBabies tracks is impossible for me. Having a conversation over the phone is nearly impossible. I'm reminded of my late grandparents who had emphysema - even opening my mouth wide offers some relief, but certainly nothing close to how I breathed before.

It's kind of funny. I remember someone once told me that no one could take away my singing - it was something I could carry with me forever because it was my body. And I thought they were right for the longest time. It seems logical. Except they were wrong.

If you can't breathe, you can't sing.

You can't talk...another thing I've always been good at.

But apparently breathing isn't necessary for crying, because I've been doing that a lot lately. No siree bob - you can cry for hours without breathing. You just can't sing. Or talk. Or clean. Or anything else useful. It's the most horrible combination of things ever.

My guess is the lack of breathing is just making me more anxious, same as having the flood disaster from earlier this week. I don't think anxiety is good for breathing either...but I doubt my anxiety is going to abate any time soon. You see, even Christian's boss doesn't think we can last through the winter with this job. He basically said as much when Christian asked why they hadn't ordered him uniforms yet. And well, they aren't going to...because there's no way we can stay here if Christian is working at that job come October. There won't be enough work, and therefore, not enough income. And if we're leaving anyway, what's the point in them paying to have uniforms made and cleaned?

Oh I don't know...so we don't end up ruining half of Christian's clothes with grease and solvents?! That would be nice!

I'm not angry. Really.

But I do feel so useless right now...not being able to breathe...not being able to work...or cook...or really anything. I'm working on writing stuff, but I have to take a break sometimes, and I have no idea how useful that will or won't be. That is yet to be determined.

With everything being so uncertain and so frustrating, I'm becoming depressed. I can feel that happening even as I try to keep it at bay. It's probably been the case, but now it's palpable. And I'm reminded what people often say to anxious, upset, and depressed people:

"Just take a deep breath... just breathe."

Thanks. I'll do that.

Cleaning Up a Mixed Bag

My dad tells this story at "Children's Time" in worship every now and then. While I don't remember the details, I can give you the gist.

Something "bad" happens to this guy. People pity him, but the guy says, "I don't know, it could be good, it could be bad." The thing results in something "good." And the guy tells people again, "I don't know, it could be good, it could be bad." Well, this goes on for a while before my dad cuts off the story.

The moral of the story is we never know just what is "good" or "bad" by a first glance. We make assumptions and then go from there.

So we could say the flooding disaster was actually a good thing...because it forced Christian and I to do something that we'd been putting off for a while - organizing the junk under the stairs. Christian went through our electronic components and got rid of the pieces that are largely worthless at this point. I went through my bags (confession: I'm kind of a bag lady) and got rid of about half of them (set aside to donate of course).

Once these things were pared down, we put them into their own storage containers. We decided this was the best course of action because it would prevent any damage later (ahem, floods), would increase accessibility, visibility (clear containers make a difference), and will make moving a lot easier whenever that happens later.

While this was a positive result, the last few days I've been waking up with my feet already swollen. The remaining water in our apartment has made the whole place incredibly hot and humid (particularly the second floor). Needless to say I've been taking a lot of sweaty naps.

To wrap this whole lovely situation with a bow, I threw up my breakfast this morning about 3 seconds after I finished it. Don't worry - I ate the same thing I always do for breakfast during the week. Nothing was bad or weird. But of course, a baby pressing against your stomach can make you hurl (lovely alien type response) or you could be getting ready to pop a baby out (a second lovely alien type response). I'm hoping for the former.

Whatever the deal is, this week just keeps ramping up with the awesome. Sigh.

Pregnancy Urinary Trek Part 2: 101 North

On Saturday I made the same long trek back home that I made over a week before. I rode in the car from Buellton to Jingletown. As expected, it took a bit longer than expected. We started at 9:30 AM and I didn't get home until 4:30 PM.

And I thought that without shoe shopping I'd be able to make the trip a little faster. Of course I wasn't counting on motorcycle shopping.

Our first stop was the Atascadero Harley Davidson shop. They have clean bathrooms, my in-laws know the owner, and sometimes there are free goodies (especially on a Saturday). As it was, there was coffee and some kind of pastry available had we wanted it and fresh movie/carnival style popcorn. We used the potty and looked around at the different gear, bikes, etc. My mother-in-law got a bag of popcorn and we were back on the road.

I lasted a pretty long time before I broke down and needed another bathroom. So in Salinas, I thought we were going to stop at a Mickey D's or some other similar fast food place. My father-in-law used to drive truck back in the day, so he has a habit of picking the kinds of stops truckers would choose (in other words, not the places a prego lady would). We stopped at the Chevron station across from the Mickey D's. Needless to say, I would not recommend using this bathroom as a prego lady.

Not too long afterwards, we made our third stop in Gilroy which included lunch - at some place "real special" (think: Talladega Nights). Of course, just to be safe, I book ended lunch with visits to the water closet.

After lunch we hopped back on the road north and didn't stop again until Christian called asking for us to pick up a piece for his bike. So we stopped in Santa Clara at Cycle Salvage which involved sitting in a hot truck for about 20 minutes (no way I was going to pee in that bathroom).

Once back on the road, I waited for as long as I possibly could to use a toilet...which was until we got to Union City. This meant a quick stop at the In and Out for a potty break and a cup of ice water.

Only a few miles later, we stopped at Christian's new work (East Bay Motorsports) so I could use a potty (again...of course) and have Christian check to make sure the part we picked up would work. Of course, we

ended up looking at motorcycles and gear. We also hung out with Christian for a few minutes in between jobs. Even though I wanted to get home as soon as possible, seeing Christian after a week of being apart was a bonus.

A few more minutes in the truck and we were back to the loft in Jingletown. I had hoped my return trip would be shorter, but oh well. I guess shopping and toilet stops are intrinsically linked. Yep. Third trimester roadtrips are always twice as long.

Pregnancy Urinary Trek Part 1: 101 South

The reason this post is so late is because I turned a 4 hour drive into a 7 hour one. My father came up last night, and then this morning we drove from Oakland, making our way slowly to Buellton. Needless to say, I had to make some stops along the way.

Stop #1

First we stopped in Gilroy. We got enormous fountain drinks and pastry type snacks (mine was nearly a quiche while my dad's was something sugary that I can't even hope to eat right now) from Panera. And of course, I used the bathroom.

Stop #2

My dad wanted to check out Ross for some shoes he really likes (that supposedly they carry) so we went into Ross and looked around. Discovering nothing, but having spent a good bit of time, I needed to use the potty again before we left. Luckily, nextdoor was a Target. Targets are pretty good about keeping their bathrooms clean, so I waddled inside and used the potty while my dad wandered around.

Task complete, we continued our journey southward. Unfortunately, my dad needed to get gas in the car which meant we needed to stop a little sooner (again) than I was hoping. In any case, we decided to stop in a shopping area in Salinas where there was (coincidentally) a gas station, restaurants, and a Ross. Hmm. Imagine that! Well, we got gas, then checked this second Ross for these mythical shoes (alas, no luck). By this time, we decided we should probably get some lunch (and of course, use the potty).

Stop #3

Well, not too far from the Ross was a Famous Dave's. Since I've had a hankering for BBQ like...my entire pregnancy, we high-tailed it over there. I used the potty before lunch. Ate lunch. I used the potty after lunch (are we seeing a trend yet?). When I got back to car, the remaining of my bucket drink from Panera was warm and gross. I switched to my water bottle (a necessity to avoid Braxton Hicks even though it would mean I needed to stop again).

Stop #4

We made it as far as King City where I had to stop. We took the first promising exit and noticed there were about a thousand choices. I thought, well let's go to Starbucks. No one will go there... I chose poorly. There was a line at the counter (10 people). There was a line at the bathroom (2 people). I glanced around the bathroom line and asked if there was only one bathroom. The man at the front of the line said there were 2, and the woman in line said there was a line. Almost as soon as she said this, the man said "But you're pregnant so you can go ahead of me." The woman looked up and gaped at me in horror. "I'm so sorry! I didn't even look!" She was mortified. Then she went on in a whisper, "It's a lot of pressure, huh?" I nodded and smiled. "Yep. Pretty much." Well, my dad also had to use the bathroom, so he had to wait. The result? I was not waiting in a second line to get a drink, only to need to pee again and have to wait in the line again. We left.

Stop #5

Well, I thought I could wait longer, but my dad wanted to stop at the single rest area on the 101 south, so we did. It was an easy off and on the freeway so it made pretty good sense. I was thankful for the speed the stop allowed us. By this point we didn't have much further to go, but my dad did have to make a stop in San Luis Obispo to get a very specific wedding present. So close and yet so far!

Stop #6

This was the most complicated stop yet because Google took us a weird ass way to get to the place we were going. Google. Ugh. We did however get there, my dad bought what he was planning to buy and then decided he wanted to check out this very crunchy grocery store, New Frontiers. This was fine, except of course, it meant we were taking even more time. I was getting cranky. I was zonked. I needed a nap. I used the potty one last time and instead of getting another drink, we pushed through the remaining 50 minutes of driving or so to Buellton. Once at my parents' place, I peed yet again, put my feet up, and drank some ice water.

The nap came a little later.

Thus is the tale of my 7 hour drive from Oakland to Buellton. I'm sure my stops next week driving back home will be just as many, and hopefully just as clean. :-)

Unexpected Symptoms: Pregnancy Sound Effects

Even though it's hard for me to think about much else than my situation, I decided I would share my thoughts about one of the more ridiculous and unexpected pregnancy symptoms I've encountered.

In fact, this isn't really considered a pregnancy symptom. Some people might do this just normally. But I think every pregnant lady I've met does it, even if she never did before becoming pregnant. And like most things in pregnancy, it's preparation for one thing or another. At least, that's what my midwives tell me.

Yes, prego ladies make sound effects.

When I brought this up in my prenatal group, the ladies looked at me with confusion for a second. But then I explained - no matter what physical thing it is, a prego lady will make a sound effect. Sometimes she'll make noises just because. They instantly laughed and nodded, because like me, they've been in situation after situation that required sound.

I'm not talking about the farts (which are plentiful) or the burps (which are neck in neck with the farts) or even the snoring (which has become nightly courtesy of a permanent phlegm collection between my nasal floor and my throat). I'm talking about the groaning, the grunting, the loud sighs and the long moans. I'm talking about the fact that it takes several minutes to get up from a reclining position, and the motions required (along with the effort) are just that much easier when accompanied by groans and grunts. And the sounds are subconscious. We prego ladies don't even realize we're doing it, until it's pointed out to us. Usually what happens is we're making noises, trying to do something, like pick something up or push ourselves up to standing when our partner will come over and say, "Do you need help?" And then we blush, nod, and sheepishly respond, "Yes."

By the time a prego lady reaches her third trimester, everything has a sound. They can't be helped. And, like every other symptom of pregnancy, after all the crazy sounds of child birth, they'll go away.

Don't Stress or You'll Have a Baby!

Starting some time late last week I began having Braxton Hicks contractions that were noticeable. Needless to say, when I contacted my midwives about the issue, they became very concerned.

Certain types of sensations, and or a certain number of Braxton Hicks contractions are normal. Yes of course I have increased pelvic pressure around the 32nd week of pregnancy. My baby is probably about half the total birth weight I can expect (around 4 lbs, and I'm expecting something around 8 lbs at birth based on my birth weight and Christian's). The weight necessarily presses down on parts that haven't been pressed before. Yes, there is round ligament pain (which can feel all kinds of ways). Yes my uterus is getting some practice time in with light contractions. That is all to be expected...

• But you don't want to have contractions that involve menstrual type cramping.
• You don't want to have more than 4 contractions in an hour.
• You want to be able to get them to stop with some water or rest.
• There shouldn't be any bleeding or change in discharge.

Well, I'm not bleeding so don't have a coronary (though it seems my heart is trying to, let's not make that 2 or more people going to the ER). I have been able to get them to stop with a little rest and a whole lot of water. HOWEVER... I can honestly say some of the feelings I've been getting are like mild menstrual cramps and there were a few times where I had more of these contractions than was probably normal.

The most likely culprit?

Dehydration can cause this situation. Physical over-exertion can cause this too. But guess what? Emotional stress can be just as problematic as either of these. Emotional stress can actually send a lady into preterm labor (NOT something I want to deal with when my insurance situation is questionable come August 1 - think hospital birth and 2 month long NICU stays...bleh!). Guess which one is my problem!

So today after I took my blood pressure for the fourth time at my appointment and it was still high, my midwives told me I needed to take it easy. Drink water. Meditate. Sit by the estuary. And I will do those things (I think I'm on liter number 3 and I'm currently typing from the comfort of my memory foam pillow topper and Snoogle body pillow.). The problem is, I don't know how much these things will help.

The reality is, the only thing that will completely remove the kind of emotional turmoil I'm having is a solution. It's easy for people to tell me not to stress out or not to worry, but they don't have an impending birth and infant care to concern themselves over. They don't have to worry about how they're going to pay rent next month. We have almost no money left in our bank account and the month is only half over. Christian hasn't started his work yet and we have no idea how the pay periods fall. Even if we did, I don't think his first paycheck will be enough to cover basic needs like food and gas, let alone rent.

Then of course, I also have the whole nesting thing, which is stressing me out more. I want to organize our apartment. I want to purge things, or put things away, or build storage or something...but what's the point? I don't know how long I can afford to live here. I can't afford to buy things to make storage solutions. I can't afford to get rid of anything right now, because I won't be able to replace it if I find out I need it later. Right now, our apartment has piles of random things everywhere (everywhere for me means like 3 or 4 stacks of things on each of our 2 floors). It's driving me crazy because I can't do anything about it. We have half finished projects that we wanted to get done before the baby, but we can't afford to finish them.

Like the stacks of things, the stressors continue to pile up.

And I can't do anything about them.

I feel helpless and hopeless and incredibly frustrated. So my blood pressure spikes. My pulse quickens. And then I have a Braxton Hicks, which then increases my blood pressure, quickens my pulse even more, and causes me to struggle to breathe.

That is, if I don't start crying.

I don't want to go into preterm labor. I really don't. It's dangerous for everyone - not to mention the extra costs involved. I want kiddo to arrive as scheduled, in a comfy birth-center birth room, with candles and music and an extraordinarily low or nonexistent amount of pain, bleeding, or tearing. I want a low stress pregnancy too with few hurdles, but it seems life has different ideas.

So I'll try to cope as best as I can. I'm going to try to meditate twice a day (morning and night). I'm going to drink tons of water. I'm going to try to watch things that make me laugh and get some writing done from the comfort of my bed in an effort to reduce stress (writing, even if I'm working on a publishing goal, is a calming and cathartic exercise for me). And hopefully this works.

In the mean time, please continue sending positive thoughts and prayers. Please help us brainstorm ways out of our insane situation (crowd-sourcing seems to work for everything else, so why not this?). Please buy, read, rate, and review my newest book. All these things will help us tremendously. And with a little luck they'll keep kiddo cooking for a few more months.

Mini-update & How You Can Help

I am overwhelmed by the continued support from people from all areas of our lives. It has been amazing, and I can't thank you enough. Really.

A number of people have asked me what they can do to help us and I thought of a couple of things that would make a huge difference but really don't require much.

Here are two things that would really help us out that take very little time or money:

1. Buy and read my latest book (it's about the cost of a latte). Rate and review it on Goodreads and Smashwords or wherever you like to review books. Talk about it to people who might be interested.
2. Keep on the look out for mechanical jobs to forward our way (even if you're not sure we'd be interested, it certainly wouldn't hurt).

Normally I wouldn't ask because frankly, I feel uncomfortable doing that. I'm not the kind of person who asks for help like this. However because there have been so many people wondering and asking, I decided it made sense to offer this as an option. It's about as much as I feel comfortable offering to ask (If you really want to do more, you'll have to surprise me with it because I just can't bring myself to ask. It's not my way.).

As to the book... I know many people don't have ereaders yet, so if you don't, you could still read my book on your computer. I'm sorry about not having it in print yet, but that will take a little bit of time and money (which at the moment isn't possible to devote to publishing).

As a mini-update to our situation: We wrote some cover letters for the shops in the Bay and some in Santa Barbara. We put our loans on forbearance until we get the papers for the economic hardship deferment. Christian is calling a shop he used to work for in Hayward. We're planning on going through the arduous food stamp application process tonight (ironically close to the time we plan to go grocery shopping).

I had the worst Braxton Hicks contractions I've experienced last night. It took a while, but they did eventually go away. The experience made me a little nervous, considering I have no idea how our insurance coverage works right now. I really didn't want to have to go the hospital (and fortunately I didn't have to).

Thank you again for your support, love, and incredible kindness. I really can't thank you enough. I am humbled by this outpouring which seems to be unending. My sincere prayer is for everyone to feel this supported when their lives are turned upside down.

No Excuse to be Rude

For some reason people think pregnancy is an invitation to talk about anything and everything. It seems in the public mind that pregnant bodies are public, and therefore ALL topics of conversation are open season.

First off, let's get one thing straight. I will not be sharing EVERY little thing about my awkward pregnant body with the world. I know, I blog. It's a little different, but still. There is a line.

So let's review some of the topics I will not be sharing nitty gritty details about, because, well, that's just wrong.

1. Hemorrhoids - I don't have them, but even if I did I wouldn't tell you!
2. Sex - definitely not talking about the details of my sex life with the world. Geez people!
3. Sex - as in the genitals of the baby. I don't care whether my kid is male, female, or somewhere in between. I just want them to be healthy. So don't assume I am all about one or the other or will regret having one or the other. I know my kid will be amazing regardless of the position they use to pee.
4. Breasts - just don't ask about how much my boobs are leaking or not. Don't ask me if I have flat nipples or not. DO NOT under ANY circumstances comment on their size. Seriously! How could that be okay?!
5. Skin irritation - we do NOT need to discuss if and where rashes might occur on my skin and how I'm "handling" it. This includes stretch marks and skin tags. Just don't.
6. Names - if you ask and I actually tell you, then don't make a face if you don't like it or suggest a thousand other names. It doesn't matter. We do. It's our kid.
7. Size - Yes. I know I'm huge. I own mirrors - actually I have a mirror in every place I frequent (my car even has mirrors, can you imagine?!). I also have to weigh myself periodically AND I do move around a bit. I can't see my feet anymore. I think I realize my girth has increased.
8. The twins/due date question - This is related to point 7. I think people forget how big prego ladies get. I am GROWING AN ENTIRE HUMAN BEING IN MY UTERUS! That kid could get up to 10 lbs (let's assume kiddo will be between 6 and 8 for my own sanity). OF COURSE my belly will get bigger!
9. Incontinence - oh my GOD! Really? I do NOT want to talk about whether or not I pee when I sneeze, laugh, or cough hard. Really. There is NO reason for you to know about that!
10. Sleep - I think I've gotten this comment more than anything else - the whole sleep now before you won't sleep ever again. This is really ironic and annoying rather than rude.  You see, pregnancy doesn't encourage sleeping (what with the peeing, heartburn, and leg cramps). Plus, my dear hubby is a functioning insomniac. So yeah. We'll work on that sleeping thing. Totally.
11. No more invitations - this is something that I didn't expect. Suddenly friends and various people have stopped inviting me to things as much because of my pregnancy. I know you're single or are in a committed relationship without kids, but that doesn't mean we can't hang out. I'd like to have a social life for a few months before I hide in a hole for like five. Please. Also don't JUST invite my husband thinking I won't want to come or can't. I'm a big girl (remember number 7?). I can make those decisions myself.
12. Special needs - while I do like being treated like a normal human being, I also have special needs because my body is totes cray-cray. I need the air to be cooler than Santa's workshop, a foot stool to prevent cartoonish swelling, a bottle of cold water, and some kind of pasteurized/high protein snack every 2-3 hours. Most of the time I can take care of these things myself, but if you're asking me to do something for you etc, you gotta throw me a bone here. Otherwise, I could faint or something worse. You could kill me. Think of that!
13. "You can't..." - I don't know if you know this, but I do read. I have prego books. I read prego websites. I even have a prego app on my phone. I know what the most recent "rules" are for prego ladies. So, let me eat what I'm eating and drink what I'm drinking. You don't go up to smokers and tell them they need to stop smoking. You don't go up to drivers of Hummers and tell them they can't drive those vehicles because of the gas they use. So don't come up to me and tell me what I can't do.
14. Touch - if we've never met before, don't touch me. If you kind of know me, don't touch me. If you know me really well, ASK before you touch me. You wouldn't touch a non-pregnant person's belly, so don't touch mine. The kid's inside me. You're not touching the kid - you're touching ME.
15. "It's hormones" - Look, I know I've got more hormones running around inside me than any human has at any other time of life. I know that. I know that my reactions can sometimes be over the top. Don't comment on it as though my reaction has no value. That dismisses my feelings and tells me you don't take me seriously. While my reaction might be over the top, it's still coming from a feeling I would have normally.
16. Picking something up - don't stand there stupidly and wait for me to pick something up when you're 3 feet away. I can't bend the same way you can. It's awkward and I might not be able to get back up. Just come over and pick the thing up for me. Seriously.
17. Staring - this is twofold. There's the staring at my belly, which I don't mind so much if it is short lived. Then there is the staring at me like I'm a possible sex partner. This is weird and really uncomfortable. I'm PREGNANT. I don't want another partner. I'm NOT on the market! I'm as TAKEN AS YOU CAN GET! 
18. After birth body - Please NO comments about whatever might happen to my body after birth. I know it will be different. I don't need you to tell me I will be "ruined" or "ugly" or "fat." That's a whole conversation/action plan I will have with myself after the baby gets here. I don't need someone else to make me feel shitty about it now. Thanks.
19. Natural birth - OH MY GOD! Do not laugh in my face, give me a weird look, or tell me I'm wrong. Do NOT think that just because you, your mother, wife, sister, dog, or goldfish couldn't give birth naturally without medication that I cannot. Yes, I know unexpected things happen. Fine. But let's just assume that everything goes well and I have NO tears and very little pain if any at all. Let's put that out there as an option.
20. Parenting advice - when you ask me what my plan is and then tell me I'm wrong because the opposite worked for you with one kid, that is seriously ridiculous. Don't do that. Don't jump all over me. Let me do what I think will work with my kid. If it doesn't work, I'll try something else. But let me make these discoveries, because well, my kid will be different than yours and I'm not you...in case you didn't notice.

I'm sure there are others, but these are the ones I've encountered either directly or through conversations with pregnant friends.'  If you're pregnant and someone is a notorious offender, share this list with them. They may start to get the idea. :-)

Have you experienced some of the rudeness to prego ladies? Was there a particular pet peeve you had while prego? Tweet me (@alexisdonkin) or leave a comment below!