A New Birthday

Last night my niece was born. She was 8 lbs 11 oz and 20 inches. She was alert and eager to eat. My sister-in-law (SIL) was fine, but exhausted.

I am proud of my SIL. She was induced for a medical reason and she fought hard to have as natural a birth as possible. Of course, induction makes things harder because a woman's body isn't ready. Of course she went to the hospital. They monitored her in every way and things moved slowly. She wasn't allowed to eat except gelatin and ice chips.

Things moved along and her body wasn't quite as ready as my niece was to be born. More augmentation was needed. An epidural brought the process to a head and my niece was born vaginally.

My SIL did sooooo well during her contractions. She did so well the entire time. It was the first time I have seen birth (in person) from that perspective - the one supporting, not birthing. More than ever I am convinced that birth is the pinnacle of femininity and feminine power.

I am convinced that we, as women, need to claim our birthright (in every sense of the word). Our birthing needs to be respected, treasured, and guarded.

I was appalled at the words coming out of doctors and nurses as I supported my SIL. They talked flippantly  about how crazy natural birth is and how impossible it is for a woman to give birth in that manner. They talked about how God gave us drugs so we could use them (equating them with Round-Up to eradicate weeds...riiiight. Exactly.). They said these things despite the fact my SIL wanted natural birth and she was trying so hard to achieve it. Maybe they were trying to make her feel better about taking an epidural, I don't know. It felt like they just wanted her on the drugs even before it became clear what path the birth would take.

I thought we were supposed to support laboring women. I thought we were supposed to do what is best in each and every birth. Call me crunchy, but I thought there were reasons for natural birth - just like there are reasons for medical intervention! The process isn't pain - it's muscle contraction and stretching. Muscle contraction and stretching needs drugs? This implies every time we workout to failure, we need narcotics.

Wait, what?

But this is the logic.

It ignores the gifts this process gives women and babies. It ignores the millennia behind this process. It ignores the fact this is the supreme moment of feminine power and takes it away from us.

Sorry. No. I don't accept that.

I am so proud of my SIL - all the work she did. She was so good through the process. I am so glad she got her vaginal birth. I knew she could do it. I knew she would do it. After all, that is what our bodies were made for.

Happy Birthday Baby! A First Year Retrospective

It's been a year. I've been a mom for a year. It seems crazy. I mean, I feel like yesterday I gave birth (Okay, well maybe not yesterday. You know, I can sit down comfortably and I'm not using a sitz bath...thank GOD!) and now Kiddo is threatening to walk!

My smooshy newborn love

It's pretty wild that a year go, Kiddo was a red, smoosh-faced sleepy, poopy, floppy newborn. This is especially wild considering that now he has some words, plays jokes, chases, laughs, sings, and dances (with help). It's crazy that he can climb up and down stairs, pets Java the Cat when he's sleepy, and cuddles his stuffed animals that he makes babble. It's crazy that he poses for pictures.

It's been a crazy year. Our family has suffered a lot during Kiddo's first year of life. We've experienced tremendous financial hardship (and we're still working to remove that burden). We sacrificed independence and pride and moved in with my parents. I underwent a lot of personal exploration and development, which also forced a lot of issues within my marriage which had been quietly festering. These things forced Christian to confront his choice of profession (and the resulting difficulties), as well as his role as husband and father.

My active charming 1 year wonder

Meanwhile, Kiddo was largely unaware of these things. He, despite everything, grew and even thrived. Everywhere we go, people comment on his charming nature. They adore his sweet smiles, waves, singing, and even his more spectacular antics (more about those in subsequent posts).

While this year has been difficult, it was also full of joy, wonder, and laughter. Kiddo is an amazing and unusual kid who prefers vegetables to fruit, syncopated rhythms, and entertaining anyone who is wiling to watch him for longer than 2 seconds. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Happy Birthday Baby! We love you so much.

My First Week or After Birth Secrets

Well, I've been a mom for almost a week. Already there have been some challenges, mostly because I wasn't prepared for afterbirth mayhem.

I say this because a lot of people focus on the birth as the big deal - and it is. Don't get me wrong. Birth is a big deal. However the birth is a short time compared to everything that comes after. With that in mind, let's take a look at what after actually means.

Firstly, newborns are pretty great. They're cute and have only a few needs. As long as you can take care of those needs, you're golden. That means changing diapers and feeding about every other hour. Changing diapers is actually the easy part. Feeding is much more complicated.

Well, if you're formula feeding then I guess it would be pretty easy. Breast-feeding is more complex. Like all things, breast-feeding is a process. What they don't tell you (they being pretty much everyone) is the first few days *hurt.* You and baby are trying to figure out what works and what doesn't. In the mean time your breasts become engorged. So for a day or two, maybe right after you felt like you caught your stride, baby has trouble latching on and your breasts feel like rocks that are capable of popping. Strangely, the only relief is not from expressing milk or even ice packs. No - cabbage leaves on the boob for 20 minutes 3 times a day is what makes this bearable (Who thought of this originally? I don't know but it makes as much sense as the guy who ate lobster for the first time.).

Now something that can add even more fun to the mix is loss of birth weight in the baby. In our case, kiddo lost more than 10% in just a day! I blame this on the obscene amount of poop coming out of this kid and the fact that colostrum (first milk) just wasn't enough calories. This meant we had to supplement for about a day until my mature milk came in. Luckily I had access to an overproducer of breastmilk through the birth center so we didn't use any formula. Later that night my milk came in and by Friday kiddo had gained back 5 ounces.

Did I mention I feed this kid a ridiculous amount? He likes to eat...more than the average newborn (or so I've been told).

By the time mature milk comes in, breast-feeding is what people tell you it is - all unicorns and rainbows. It feels nice and it's very much bonding time for mom and baby. So feeding kiddo for hours on end isn't such a "chore" so much as a gift.

As for the rest of mom's body, things are a little more uncomfortable. The first few days after birth are sore. Arms, legs, back, and of course the entire crotch are sore. This is true even with the intense numbing that happens with the trauma of birth (But don't worry - that numbing disappears along with the swelling. Yes, more discomfort is around the corner!).

Even if you aren't lucky enough to have tearing like mine, walking, sitting, and laying down (or standing up) are difficult. If you do have tearing, then everything is exponentially harder as you aren't allowed to sit normally for fear of preventing healing or damaging stitches.

Some women have trouble with dizziness which means your partner (or someone else) has to watch you take your showers to make sure you don't fall when exposed to warm water.

Your belly is gelatinous (okay, not quite that bad, but it was seriously stretched! It takes a while to get back to normal!) but it is a lot smaller. You did just lose a bunch of weight in a short time (Don't ask me how much I've lost. I am refusing to look at the scale right now.). However, the edema you acquired is still hanging on and keeping that number artificially inflated. I can still play the putty game with the top of my feet, for example.

Oh...and we can't forget lochia! That's the best kept secret. Remember months without your period? It was all being stored up for this time! Basically the body is expelling one third of it's blood (all the extra blood used during pregnancy) over the course of the 2 - 6 weeks after birth. It's actually not as bad as it sounds, but it is something you need to be prepared for.

Now...are you scared (Insert: evil laugh and/or grin)?

I guess people don't talk about these things because they don't want you to freak out. But for me, I wish I'd have known so I could prepare myself a little better for this first week at least. These things are normal and it feels better for me to know what is normal, even if it isn't pretty, neat, or easy. This time of discomfort and awkwardness doesn't last forever. Every time I look over at my baby I forget all these things because he is so precious and of course I would go through the deepest pits of Hell for this wriggle monster. So what's a little bleeding? What's a little soreness? I would kill to protect him. I would die to protect him. But that's what it means to be a mother.

My Labor Day - An Alien's Arrival

sleeping kiddo on his first morning

When I got pregnant I joked that I might have a Labor Day baby.

The joke's on me.

The following is my birth story, or rather, kiddo's birth story (or both? depending on how you look at it).

Yesterday morning we woke up and Christian made breakfast. As he did, I got dressed as we had a prenatal appointment. I went to the potty and I thought maybe I had a trickle of amniotic fluid down my leg, but I wasn't sure. After all, it wasn't that much and prego ladies are known to have pee issues. I didn't worry about it because I figured it would become clear one way or another.

We went to our prenatal appointment which was at 9:30 am. I had a good amount of energy. My blood pressure was in a better place. I wasn't seeing stars or anything. Everything seemed pretty good. We even got the paperwork for placental encapsulation (which I'm sure I'll do a post on at a later date).

We left the appointment and went home. We were kind of hanging out a little and I felt like I had to pee (an unusual sensation for a 39 week prego lady). I went into the toilet and felt something similar to a menstrual cramp, but intense...almost like there was a drain that had been unplugged (including the twisting water sensation, but inside). I wiped. There was bloody show and a whole lot of amniotic fluid.

"Christian! I just had bloody show!"
"Is it time?!"
"Maybe. I think so."

So what did Christian do? He conked out. I called my mother (about the appointment, but then I started having mild pressure waves/contractions on the phone), texted Christian's mother, and texted the midwives to let them know what was going on. Then I played the Fear Clearing track of HypnoBabies while Christian napped. Then I put on Birthing Day Affirmations...and Hypnotic Childbirth #2 (For those of you who have used HypnoBabies, you'll know what I mean. If you haven't, they're pretty much what the titles sound like.).

Christian woke up and started getting last minute things (and we forgot a ton even still but oh well). He handed me his phone to time my pressure waves (contractions) and at first they were pretty irregular and jarring. Then they became more regular, which I found to be more helpful because I could prepare for them better. And as soon as they were regular, they were around 4 minutes apart and 1 minute long - the time we were supposed to go to the birth center. Christian insisted we wait until there were a few more intervals at the same time and thought he'd even have time to do some laundry (I insisted he not and showed him how consistent things were). After about 45 minutes worth of consistent pressure waves, I called the midwives. I could no longer talk through a pressure wave and had to give the phone to Christian to explain.

Christian hung up and told me that Sonja (one of the midwives) would meet us at the birth center. I nodded, and Christian got the car ready. I told him to put in a towel to protect the seat because I was gushing amniotic fluid after particularly intense pressure waves. Gingerly I made it to the car and we were off. The drive was easy because of the holiday and the fact that the Bay Bridge was closed. It was perfect. When we got to the birth center (Pacifica - which I really recommend) in Berkeley, we parked in the reserved spot. I stood up in the lot and completely soaked my pants in amniotic fluid (lovely!).

We made our way to the birth room and Sonja checked me. Christian put on some more HypnoBabies tracks and the bath was filled. I dumped the soaked pants.

Now, I thought I'd want to be more modest, but when you're in the middle of such an intense experience as giving birth, modesty isn't really on your mind. I got rid of my shirt and bra and sank into the tub.

There was already a candle lit by the tub and the lights were low. Every time a pressure wave hit, I focused on my HypnoBabies training and made a sort of humming/chant sound similar to "Om" or "ah" but with my mouth closed. The sound was really helpful for my focus and made the discomfort of the pressure waves minimal (though the water helped). Christian was there with cool wash cloths for my neck and chest and one of the doulas/apprentice midwives, Anna, periodically checked the baby's heart rate.

The pressure waves became more intense and powerful. As they did, it became clear that I had reached transformation (transition) because my body began to shake a little and the waves changed location. Necessarily the sounds I was making also changed. Despite this, I kept my body incredibly relaxed between each wave. I was so calm and relaxed that the midwives were incredibly impressed, especially with how fast my birthing time (labor) was moving (some time around then the second midwife, Cindy arrived).

About this time I couldn't handle being in the tub any more. I couldn't get into a position that felt right. It was time to get out of the tub. So first I tried leaning on the birth ball on the bed. That was okay but I got to a certain point when it stopped working. Then I tried the birth stool. That worked a little bit. Christian was able to massage my back while I pushed kiddo down. Unfortunately the pressure of the position was negatively impacting kiddo's heart rate, so I needed to move. I tried lying on my side on the bed, but that just resulted in a whole bunch of cramps that were really awful and uncomfortable. So the midwives suggested I lean towards my back, but still kind side-lying. In this position I was able to relax easily between pressure waves/pushes. I found myself really having to focus on breathing. Because of congestion and just general breathing issues, it was something I had to really concentrate on to make work. This was because whenever I pushed, I had to push hard and I was most successful when I held my breath or let it out slowly through the push. When I stopped pushing this way, I had to take deep breaths to make sure kiddo's heart rate went back to normal. It really helped to have Christian there holding my hand and reminding me what to do. I know this, combined with the HypnoBabies' tracks in the background kept me calm and focused.

At some point the middle of this, I was able to reach my hand down and feel the top of kiddo's head. That is the most bizarre and exciting feeling in the world. It's bizarre because, well, there's another human coming out from your vagina! It's exciting because, all that time and effort you've spent through pregnancy and in childbirth is actually leading to an end result!

Because my pushes weren't going super long (remember that low breathing ability?) kiddo stayed with part of his head sticking out for a while. Or at least, that's what I thought was going on. And then I got him crowning. And more than anything, I wanted that to be over. In my head I kept telling myself, "I can make this be over. I can finish this." So in one major effort, I did a series of pushes and then he was out and being rushed onto my chest. In about two seconds after being on my chest he started crying, he was so alert. Meanwhile I was in awe of what I had just done. The midwives were in awe of how big he was.

I had just given birth to my son on Labor Day at 7:15 pm.

Cone headed kiddo

Funnily enough, because of his head sitting at my opening for a little while, he had some really goofy molding of his skull. I mean, he actually looked like a little alien with this weird bump going on. Cindy let me know it would go away shortly (and it was basically gone by the time we got home). Thank GOD! I really didn't want to have a goofy looking kid.

They gave me some arnica for inflamation and let me be skin to skin with him for a little while. Eventually kiddo started rooting and so I put him to my breast and he latched immediately. In fact, he was such a voracious eater, he stayed like that for about 40 minutes straight (no joke). While he was sitting up on my chest, I pushed out the placenta easily. Christian stayed close to us and took a few pictures. I got a shot of pitocin in the leg to minimize bleeding.

Somehow we were able to get kiddo off the breast long enough for Christian to cut the cord. As my tissues got a little calmer and things started to clean up a bit we discovered I had some tearing. It was still hard to see how bad the tears were, but they would keep an eye on it.

Kiddo stayed alert but calm on my chest. Christian went to get some sandwiches for us. I tried to pee. This was a pretty difficult thing because the whole area down there is SUPER numb. Your sensitivity is shot. But if you don't pee, your uterus and your bladder start competing for space. The more full your bladder, the more bleeding you have. Well, after Christian returned with food and I was able to eat, I felt well enough to try the bathroom (as opposed to a bed pan or a stool with a bowl under it). While my tears stung, I was actually able to empty my bladder which helped things a lot.

Sonja went home around 8ish and Cindy and Anna stayed. They measured kiddo and gave him his vitamin K shot. This was when I found out just how big my baby was.

9 lbs, 8 oz.
21 3/4 inches
14 cm head circumference

Yeah. There was a reason why I tore.

After that they checked my tearing to assess the damage and see if they could suture it on site. Well, it was worse than they originally thought. In the end, we decided to go to the hospital to have it sutured so that I wouldn't have any issues with healing etc.

Luckily the hospital is only 4 blocks from the birth center, so it was super easy. Probably the hardest part of getting over there was dressing kiddo. He had his diaper on for about two seconds before it was soaked through to his pants. Luckily the birth center had some extra clothes, because we didn't have any (all our clothes were hanging to dry on our railing at home!). We even forgot a hat (after the ton of hats we got! I blame my prego brain!). Well finally we got into the car and headed over. Once there, Anna got a wheel chair for me and we rolled right up to L&D where Cindy had called ahead to make sure they could take care of me immediately. I got a really good surgeon who they knew well, Dr. Singer, and was in a room in minutes. The nurse checked my vitals and in a few minutes the doctor was in taking a look at my tearing - almost 3rd degree, and really close to my sphincter.

I opted for an IV fast acting narcotic along with Lidocaine to make the process as painless as possible (the doctor assured me neither of which would interfere with breastfeeding). A little while later, I was being stitched up and then it was over before I knew it. We let Anna and Cindy go home to eat and get some sleep while Christian, kiddo, and I hung out to make sure the drugs were out of my system. The nurse came back to help me use the bathroom (which I was again able to do without too much hassle). A few seconds later the doctor came by to check on me and talk to me about a few prescriptions he'd given me as well as after care of the suturing.

Not long after I was being wheeled back downstairs and to our car.

This after birth bit sounds like it wouldn't have taken very long, but it did. We didn't get home until 3 am. And then we didn't sleep very well because we still don't have a plan in place, or any idea of what our routine should be with kiddo.

And?

I don't care.

Every time I look at him, I am so happy and amazed at what I did. He is so sweet and precious. He already has a love of music and food, as well as my husband's family's snoring habit. He's even got an unusual amount of coordination for a newborn (he brings his hand to his face and mouth regularly which I guess is unusual). I can't wait to see what kind of person he will become.

30 Reasons To Wish Babies Came Early

Earlier this week I would have said I could be pregnant for a few more weeks and be fine.

Part of me still feels that way - the mental and emotional part. Okay, so 2/3 of me feels this way. The other 1/3 of me - my body - is saying "You're joking, right?"

I have officially reached the realm of constant discomfort.

I've heard of this place before, but I didn't really believe it. For all my griping about unexpected symptoms (of which there have been waaaaay too many) I thought pregnancy was alright. It was sort of an adventure. I could get behind the random symptoms because most of the time I got to be a sort of scientist, studying these things in nearly an academic way. It was a learning exercise.

Not any more.

Let's give you a run down of why I wish this kid would come early:

1. Every time I stand up my knees hurt.
2. Half the time I stand up my crotch hurts.
3. I am always sweaty. Always. (FYI - I don't really sweat, so this is reaaaally uncomfortable for me)
4. I am always hot (see above).
5. My maternity pants fit, but are too warm to wear comfortably.
6. My ankles, feet, shins, and fingers are permanently swollen. Sometimes they swell to elephant like proportions.
7. Only one pair of flip-flops I own actually fit me these days.
8. I can't eat whatever I want (and I've been craving pastries now like you wouldn't believe...and ice cream. I really want soft-serve ice cream!).
9. I tire out going upstairs.
10. I can't carry on a phone conversation without pausing to breathe...and not where sentences end but in the middle of sentences - like 2 or 3 times!
11. My head is so congested my ear is full of fluid (I'm getting this fun echo effect. When I say fun, I mean incredibly annoying.).
12. The congestion is giving me mild sinus headaches.
13. I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep because my joints ache, I have to pee, AND I'm hungry enough to eat a meal.
14. Sometimes I feel incredibly restless and nothing makes me feel better (even cleaning the stove doesn't work!).
15. Heartburn happens if I lay on my right side.
16. Laying on my left side results in kiddo squeezing up under my ribs in a really uncomfortable way.
17. The only comfortable sitting positions are ones that encourage kiddo to stay in a posterior position.
18. Walking is both necessary (to feel comfortable) and incredibly difficult.
19. Most of my maternity shirts no longer cover my belly completely.
20. My underwear just barely fits so it pinches depending on my position.
21. I have to coat myself in coconut oil to keep my skin remotely normal. It takes hours to be absorbed and I end up feeling really gross as I stick to things and things stick to me as I wait.
22. I pee like 3 times in an hour - every hour.
23. Sometimes even if I just peed, kiddo will move, and then I have to pee again.
24. Picking something up off the floor is a feat of engineering.
25. I can cry over most things without provocation. Sometimes I'm actually upset, but no one can tell the difference.
26. My belly is so big it gets in the way of doing dishes, cleaning, opening doors, and pretty much everything. It is way more uncomfortable for something to press against my belly that it is my shoulder.
27. Cooking at the stove is impossible for longer than like 3 minutes at a time - the heat exhausts me.
28. Half the things I want to get done require the ability to lift more than 20 lbs, expose myself to noxious fumes, or bend in an impossible way.
29. Driving is a bad idea. I have serious hormonal bad judgment (like it is dangerous for me to make right-hand turns) and my legs get horrible cramps when shifting. The result? I'm basically stuck at home.
30. Going between the bed and my bathroom (about 10 steps) is often done with a stumbling waddle because I simply can't get my balance in that amount of steps.

I think that pretty much sums up the final few weeks. For those of you who have been pregnant, what were the reasons you wanted to pop that baby out? Leave a comment below!

The Last Weeks' Tweaks - Getting Through the Final Month

37 weeks laughing at Chrisitan's jokes

Since I reached full-term, I'm realizing I have a few different things to change around in my habits. Some things are harkening back to earlier practices (i.e. second trimester exercising routines) and others are brand new.

So not only am I doing all my HypnoBabies requirements (or at least trying to), but I'm also adding some breathing exercises when I feel short of breath (which so far haven't really done much but a valiant effort!), my modified diet, additional exercise, and of course, "tummy time."

Unfortunately my carbless plan isn't working...like not at all. I tried to be really good yesterday and today but there was a major flaw in this plan; I can't seem to eat enough to feel full. 

I have some snacks, like hard boiled eggs and cottage cheese, but I still feel hungry. Not only do I still feel hungry, I still feel the need to eat carbs.

Maybe I would feel differently if I had uber fiber-filled bread (You know, the kind that makes you poo bricks? That bread! Bleh.).

So...I confess...I ate a hamburger. I had to. I was starving! And for the first time in 2 days I felt like I was full. Normally, I don't eat my entire burger. I pick off some of the lettuce or onion or bread or something...but not today. I ate the entire thing. That should tell you something - it certainly told me something.

I don't care what that midwife said. I'm eating how my body feels I should.

Don't get me wrong - I'm still steering clear of pastries and Rice Krispies (sigh) but I think I'm going back to my peanut butter and banana sandwiches for breakfast. Then for lunch I'll stick with my new habit of making half my plate raw veggies (which seems to feel pretty good even if it means I have to have a hard boiled egg for a snack 30 minutes later). I'm still undecided about what to do with the dates though.

*It should be noted in all my reading and researching I've done, it's next to impossible to guess a baby's weight/size with any accuracy prior to birth. Ultrasounds are inaccurate. Belly checks are inaccurate. Fundal heights are inaccurate. Weight gain being linked to baby size isn't necessarily accurate. There are just too many variables. So the idea that I should cut out carbs completely based on these commonly inaccurate indicators is frankly ridiculous. All that said, simple carbs do lead to bigger babies, so you shouldn't eat junk in the last few months. But with all things, take it with a grain of salt...or pepper...or a splash of whatever is recommended for your situation.

Exercising after meals is something I need to remind myself to do. I keep forgetting to walk, but it seems a modified warm-up routine that I used in my second trimester is enough to get in a little activity without making me feel like I'm going to fall over. This is definitely something I can do, though I've been pretty inconsistent the last few days.

Maybe the key to this one is just doing the exercise as soon as I think of it. My problem is usually getting caught up in other things and by the time I look at the clock, the day is over. I could, of course, return to making daily schedules...except for the fact that these days my schedule gets thrown out by naps and periodic exhaustion.

*sigh*

The final habit I added to my repertoire is "tummy time." Tummy time is something that is more frequently associated with babies - a time to practice holding their heads up and developing new skills. Yeah...that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about helping to turn a posterior baby anterior.

Kiddo's head is down, you see, but his back is to my back. This is also commonly referred to as "sunny-side up." Now before you harp all over me about how this will make my birthing time painful or some other such nonsense - I've read studies. Posterior babies don't actually indicate "back labor." Just as many anterior births result in back labor as posterior babies...so that's not a problem. It does however tend to result in longer labors.

Well, I'm not into that. My HypnoBabies tracks remind me daily that I deserve a short, easy birthing time. That's my goal.

Of course, I've also read studies that say that turning a baby from posterior to anterior before birth doesn't necessarily indicate the baby will stay that way. They've also shown that babies change position several times during early labor etc.

Still, this kid has been pretty much posterior for the last month. It's worth attempting some position changes. So out came my fitness ball, and I began leaning forward and typing at a table, as opposed to reclining on a bed. This is hell on my swollen feet, but it might change kiddo's position.

No matter how I look at this business of the last month, discomfort seems to be the name of the game. It's a series of trade-offs. In the end, I'm not sure exactly what I'll end up doing. All I know is I'll try to keep up with my blogs (so far, so good) and work on my writing goals (This week I put out the third book in my writing challenge...so there's that!). With everything else...I'll do the best I can and not worry about it if I miss something. One way or another, the kiddo will arrive and he'll be however he'll be. And it will be good.

One Big Belly And a Low Carb Solution

Well, I just got back from my midwife appointment and on the ride home I was crying. I seem to be doing a lot of that these days.

Part of it is because of the frustration and helplessness I feel, but part of it is just the insane amount of hormones swimming around in my system. The advice I got from my midwife today sort of amped everything up.

First of all, I've reached full term - so yay! If kiddo shows up at this point, he'll be mature enough to go home with me etc. So that's good. But that wasn't what made me cry (although, probably in the right circumstances it could...you know...because of hormones).

No, the thing that made me cry is I've been measuring big - that is my fundal height is a week over my dates. I've been measuring this way for some time. So it's not exactly measuring big that made me cry this time. However, I've also gained more weight than I would have liked. I think between this appointment and the last full appointment (2 or 3 weeks ago?) I put on like 5 pounds. Now I didn't think my baby was going to be "small" like ever. My body is built similarly to my mother's and my mother had a really easy birth with me, and I was about 8.5 lbs. My midwife thinks my baby is already over 7 lbs. 

MW: What have you been eating?"

*Blink* I've basically cut out simple carbs from my diet. If I do eat them, I eat them with meat and veggies of some kind, just like what they told me to do months ago. Sure I splurge sometimes. I'm no angel, but I'm not stuffing my face with Double Stuffed Oreos or something.

Me: I've been drinking a lot of milk.

MW: Low fat milk has a lot of sugar in it. Have you been eating any fruit?

Me: I eat a banana and peanut butter sandwich for breakfast every morning. I eat dates at night.

MW: Dates are like pure sugar.

*Sigh*

So then I did a crazy thing. I asked her what she would recommend as far as diet. She told me if she were me, she'd cut out all carbs. She reminded me that I only have a few weeks left but that it will make a difference in the size of my baby.

For those of you who don't know...what you eat in the last month or so of your pregnancy has a PROFOUND impact on the size of your baby. At this point, all the body parts etc are there. Literally you're just helping your baby to put on that extra layer of protective baby fat.

My midwife was trying to be nice. She said it was my pregnancy and my baby and I could do what I want (yes, thanks...I know...*sigh*) but that having a bigger baby can make labor go longer etc. She said a baby at 7 lbs was easy...a baby at 8 was harder, and at 9...well you might have to go to the hospital.

Right.

Well, I do have a deep pelvis (a lot of extra space in there) which luckily makes birthing babies easier (hooray!). I also have been doing HypnoBabies which makes me feel a lot better about birth and pressure waves and all of that - in other words, I'm not afraid of the process. I wasn't even anxious...well until I got out of this appointment. It made me a little anxious and feel like I need to change my habits. That and probably trying to get on this low carb diet will help me to get back to pre-pregnancy size a lot faster (which I would LOVE! I am seriously missing my jeans!). As upset as the whole prospect makes me, once I got my frustration out through my tear ducts and started looking at meal plans online I began to feel better. There was just one thing that might cause me to struggle.

What do you think my biggest obstacle would be?

You guessed it...Christian. He has a problem. He can't go to the grocery store without getting something sweet or fried. He hides candy bars in the freezer. He buys those cheap artificially flavored lemon cookies. He likes those "granola bars" which are basically a step up from Snickers. He gets processed everything. The amount of crackers that guy consumes is wrong. He's totally addicted to junk. And he thinks he needs to eat this stuff.

Getting him to add veggies to his regular diet is a chore, though he claims not to mind them. In fact, if I cook them, he eats them. It's just he doesn't cook them...and of course, he's been cooking for months. You see the issue here. Even on the car ride home he said, "So basically our diets have to be completely different!"

I laughed mirthlessly at him. My response? "Oh no! It will be a lot harder for me if you're eating something completely different. You're eating this way with me!"

Yes. There has been a coup. The regime has changed. It's time to be a healthy role model because I am not having a junkaholic for a kid. That ship has sailed.

I sense temper tantrums in the making.

Cleaning Up a Mixed Bag

My dad tells this story at "Children's Time" in worship every now and then. While I don't remember the details, I can give you the gist.

Something "bad" happens to this guy. People pity him, but the guy says, "I don't know, it could be good, it could be bad." The thing results in something "good." And the guy tells people again, "I don't know, it could be good, it could be bad." Well, this goes on for a while before my dad cuts off the story.

The moral of the story is we never know just what is "good" or "bad" by a first glance. We make assumptions and then go from there.

So we could say the flooding disaster was actually a good thing...because it forced Christian and I to do something that we'd been putting off for a while - organizing the junk under the stairs. Christian went through our electronic components and got rid of the pieces that are largely worthless at this point. I went through my bags (confession: I'm kind of a bag lady) and got rid of about half of them (set aside to donate of course).

Once these things were pared down, we put them into their own storage containers. We decided this was the best course of action because it would prevent any damage later (ahem, floods), would increase accessibility, visibility (clear containers make a difference), and will make moving a lot easier whenever that happens later.

While this was a positive result, the last few days I've been waking up with my feet already swollen. The remaining water in our apartment has made the whole place incredibly hot and humid (particularly the second floor). Needless to say I've been taking a lot of sweaty naps.

To wrap this whole lovely situation with a bow, I threw up my breakfast this morning about 3 seconds after I finished it. Don't worry - I ate the same thing I always do for breakfast during the week. Nothing was bad or weird. But of course, a baby pressing against your stomach can make you hurl (lovely alien type response) or you could be getting ready to pop a baby out (a second lovely alien type response). I'm hoping for the former.

Whatever the deal is, this week just keeps ramping up with the awesome. Sigh.

Why I Think HypnoBabies is Awesome

As you might imagine, my blood pressure hasn't exactly been perfect for the the past few midwife appointments (Gee...I wonder how that could have happened?!).

My midwives were pretty excited that I was planning on using HypnoBabies, even though they haven't had a lot of experience with the program. Still they thought it would have positive benefits, especially in lowering my blood pressure, because of the nature of hypnosis and the relaxation practices imbedded in the program.

Well, I've been doing it for about a week. I don't know if my blood pressure has improved (my next appointment is on Monday). HOWEVER, I will say I am already appreciating the money I spent on the homestudy course.

The philosophy of HypnoBabies is one that involves positive language, positive imagery, and generally promoting the idea that pregnancy and birth are healthy and natural processes. These are things I can get behind. They are things that make sense to me. The regular 30+ minutes a day of relaxation and hypnotic suggestion already have begun to retrain my mind in how I think about the process of birth (and not just because of the renaming of certain things, like "contractions" are "pressure waves").

As a first time mom, before I was educated about childbirth and my options, I can honestly say I was frightened by the whole thing. There are a lot of scary ideas and images in the world - and unfortunately many of them are perpetuated by well-meaning friends and family. HypnoBabies really helps to reframe the process taking fear out of the equation, which is a good thing, because the result is it removes tension and allows birthing to progress the way it is meant to.  I've already found some of the discomfort from carrying a growing baby has lessened. I find myself focusing on positive images and ideas about birth more and more. I'm not worried about my birthing time. I trust it will go as it should and whatever discomfort or pressure sensations occur will be more than manageable.

And honestly, the calm and trust I feel I can directly connect to my time spent with HypnoBabies. And this is only the first week.

I don't know exactly what will happen with my birth. I can't know. All I do know is how I will react to it, and I trust my reaction to be positive, joyful, and relaxed. Because of my own limited experience with this program, I can genuinely recommend it to any and all pregnant women. If you follow the instructions and take the time to practice daily, I know it yields incredible benefits. It's definitely worth the cost.