The Sleepless Night from Hell

He had a busy day, but he still had energy. In fact, Kiddo had so much energy, he decided not to nap.

So after dinner we went for a family walk. We walked all the way to the park. We played on the playground. It got cold. Christian tried to pull Kiddo off the playground. Temper tantrum ensues. After several unsuccessful attempts at removing Kiddo from the playground, Christian hauls Kiddo over his shoulder and runs down the block, crossing the street.

I followed at a slower pace. The walk was slow going. Sometimes Kiddo ran back toward the park. Other times he stopped to smell roses. Actually. Roses. Like 27 in a row.

We get home in one piece, each parent carrying Kiddo part of the way. It's early. Kiddo can play a little before bed...except...he can't. He starts bawling.

"Mama! Ma MA! UPSTAIRS!"

He runs to me, grabbing my hand and dragging me to the stairs. I let go to grab something, but no. He stamps his feet. He howls. I grab his hand and we proceed haltingly up the stairs.

Christian follows to smooth the process. I get ready for bed as Christian wrestles with Kiddo to get him into sleepers.

No. It doesn't work. He writhes. He thrashes. He howls. Kiddo is taking one of his worst tantrums yet. Somehow Christian gets his shirt off. Kiddo is a cat. He pushes the pj shirt away from his head.

"No, no, no, no, no NO!!!!" he screams.

I come to Christian's aid.

"Baby, you need your sleepers on. It's time for bed. I know you're tired -"
"Mama! MAMA! DADDY! NO NO NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

I perform magic and get his arms through the sleeves and his head the collar. We wrestle Kiddo as he thrashes, struggling and yelling, as we miraculously get his sleeper pants on.

I leave to get Kiddo's toothbrush.
"Ok Kiddo. You won!" I hear Christian say from the other room. It's like a switch. It's quiet.
"Kiddo, you won."
I go back in. There he is, sprawled on his stomach, cuddling his stuffed giraffe.
"Alexis, maybe we should just skip tonight -"
"No. He has a dental appointment tomorrow. He needs to brush his teeth." Normally toothbrushing is easy. Kiddo is cooperative. But of course, not this night. He immediately struggles and howls. I try to hold him down, but I can't get the brush in his mouth and hold him. Kiddo is too strong.
"Christian, a little help?" He jumps over, quickly wrapping Kiddo. I blink.
"Why are you holding my hand?" I ask. Christian chuckles.
"Oh! Sorry!" He adjusts his hold and Kiddo is secure. I brush as quickly as possible. Kiddo howls the whole time.

Once the brush is away, Christian let's go and Kiddo sits up. He's still howling. I realize all this time the window was open. I close it, hoping our neighbors don't hate us or think the demonic voice Kiddo uses was from some sort of ritualistic torture (other than common parenting).

"Mama! Mama! Daddy! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" He's reaching out for me. I turn off the light and he howls louder, even though this is how he sleeps every night.

We nurse.
He switches sides.
He switches again.
He switches again.
Finally he goes to sleep and I get a break. Christian and I chat for maybe an hour. I'm ready to sleep. Kiddo howls from his room. I sigh, get up and go over.

Kiddo is exceptionally clingy. He nurses. He switches sides. He switches again. He clings to me the entire time. I dose off. When I notice he is sound asleep, I leave. 5 minutes later, he wakes, screaming.

I go back in. We nurse. He switches sides. The cycle repeats, except this time, I stay. I figure this is the only way I will sleep. Kiddo pushes his head onto my pillow. He rolls over my hair. He smacks my face with his arm. I roll over. He smacks his skull into my jaw. I roll over. He cries.

"Nursing? Mama, I want nursing!"

We nurse. He switches sides. The cycle repeats. This time he doesn't sleep, but sits up and starts singing. He plays with his animals. He looks out the window. He talks. He sings. Finally he lays down as close as he can to me and stills.

Then Christian's alarm goes off.

I don't know why this happened the way it did. All I know is the following three nights he slept through the night (THANK GOD!). Also he outgrew his new shoes. It happens. I'm just glad it doesn't happen all the time. At least there's that small mercy.

Sick But Sweet

The cold has made it's rounds. My brother and sister-in-law got it. Christian got it. Kiddo got it. And of course, now I have it. I slept for 5 hours before waking up with a totally stuffed nose. Needless to say, hours later, I was still awake and trying to clear my head.

This didn't bother Christian or Kiddo. Every time I blew my nose, they kept on snoozing. Eventually Kiddo wanted to nurse. We did and then he went back to sleep while I suffered being awake. And then as I sat in bed, propped by pillows, Kiddo rolled over and wrapped his arms around me. It didn't matter if I moved, played on my phone, or blew my nose. He stayed cuddled up to me.

I just love this sweet boy.

Night Nursing Happens

If you're planning on breastfeeding - which you should because of a gazillion benefits to mom and baby - you need to be prepared.

I don't know why people are delusional when it comes to feeding schedules, but they are, particularly at night. I have read all kinds of things about night feedings. I have read about the time babies should sleep through the night (Sleep through the night?! What does this even mean?!). Some people say babies should stop night nursing at 6 months. Some say 9. Others a year.

Here's the thing folks - the average breastfed human baby across the world doesn't self wean (day or night) until anywhere between 3 and 5 YEARS. That's NORMAL.

Ahem.

That means everyone talking about months is just plumb crazy. Get over the month thing! It's not happening. Get comfy! The baby belongs at the breast and the toddler too! Day and night!

My family makes fun of Kiddo saying he'll nurse until he's a teen. Well...that is another kind of crazy and NOT happening. He'll wean on his own some time in the next few years...just as all human babies do. And I will be sad when that happens.

I will be sad because I like night nursing. I like the cuddling and closeness. I like the sweetness. I like that Kiddo will curl up to me even if he's warm and I'm cold. I like his satisfied sigh as if everything is right in the world.

And it is. I can tell it is when he wakes up with a smile on his face and blows me kisses. Then he snuggles in close to sing to me. These are the moments mothers live for. Night nursing is totally worth it.

One High Needs Baby

High needs. Sensitive. Active.

These are words that describe Kiddo, along with observant, curious, social, playful, bright, and sweet.

But the first three, they dictate our parenting style.

Kiddo needs to be cuddled. He needs to move.  He doesn't sleep as long as other babies. He eats waaaay more often than most kids. He wakes up in the middle of the night wanting to play...pretty much every night at least once. Even if he doesn't, he rolls around like he's fighting off rabid monkeys.

He needs novelty in his toys. He needs distractions. Kiddo needs to be held.

To outsiders they see how social he is. They see his smile and think he's perfect all the time. I mean, he does let almost anyone hold him so...

Yeah. No.

Kiddo needs a LOT of extra attention. But people don't see that. So they think I shouldn't need to carry him all the time. They think we shouldn't need to bedshare. Except those attachment parenting strategies are what cause him to be so sweet.

I could ignore Kiddo's cries. I could leave him alone in the pack n play. I could let him wail for hours. And he would. I could do that and he would become an anxious, sad, distant little boy.

But I don't.

I say this so you know why today was rough. Last night no one slept. Kiddo tossed and turned. He wailed off and on until we gave him some baby ibuprofen. And this morning? Constant whimpering. He wouldn't sit in his highchair. He didn't want to play by himself. He only wanted to cuddle. Then he didn't want to stay in my lap but wanted to be on the floor gripping my leg. Needless to say, I couldn't do my workout at all (which lately has only been possible with someone watching him or by taking a 10 minute cuddle break). Instead I wore him in a front carry walking to the elementary school and back.

Writing? Ha. I can barely get meals together today. These are the days when peeing is a luxury. I have more of these days than not. Every baby has moments like this, but weeks on end means you have one high need kid.

I have heard it ends. I'm looking forward to that.

Six Month Sleep Problems

I've been told a lot recently that I should have kiddo sleep alone and cry it out.

There is nothing I hate more than when someone tells me what will work best for kiddo's sleep. I say this because from the time he was a newborn he slept better with us. Not only did he sleep better, but so did we.

Now things are changing, but not how you might think.

He's clingier than ever. He used to let other people, however short a list, put him to bed. Now he wails unless he's snuggled and nursing. Sleeping alone? Forget it. Cry it out? Don't be ridiculous. He's been crying quite enough.

In the middle of the night he's begun crying and thrashing in his sleep - at least 3 times every night if not more. He's also going to sleep later and waking up earlier. He's so tired these days he's got bags under his eyes. It's awful.
I'm forcing him to take at least 3 naps during the day which helps his overall mood, but he's still spacey and fussier than I'd like. And of course with the sleep I've been getting, I'm crankier too.

So what's causing all this sleep disruption?

There are several reasons I've discovered as possibly ruining our nights:

1. Allergies - possible. Baby noses get stuffed and it gets uncomfortable causing them to fuss in the middle of the night. I have allergies which means kiddo could too, so it isn't off the table. Still he's not really showing signs of allergies.
2. Illness - while I understand how this could be (see the allergy reasoning above), I don't think this is the cause...unless junk in the air counts as illness? Right now there's a lot of crap in the air around here - pollen, fertilizer, cut grass, and just dirt. There's only been a little rain and the junk in the air is getting to everyone.
3. Night terrors - caused by over-tiredness. Possible. Night terrors are nightmares that babies and young children don't wake from. They thrash around and cry horribly until the terror is over. Soothing a child in a night terror is supposed to make them last longer, except when I soothe kiddo the episodes end sooner so I don't think this is the cause.
4. Developmental leap - possible. Kiddo is *really* close to crawling. I mean, really. He loves tummy time and gets super frustrated when he doesn't get to move around. I guess you could say he's commando crab crawling at the moment (going backwards on his belly) but he's got the urge to do the typical crawl. Apparently when the leap is achieved, the night crying disappears.
5. And then there is teething. Kiddo does have two teeth coming through the bottom gums right now, so it could be discomfort from this as well. It's hard to know. Christian doesn't think it's worth giving him Ibuprofen for anything at this point so soothing will have to do...
6. It could also be a combination of things, which is just as likely as some of the individual reasons.

Whatever the case, I'm being religious about kiddo's napping. It seems to help, but he still has these bags under his eyes. I guess I'll just have to wait until whatever this is passes for those to disappear. In the mean time, we'll nap and soothe and sleep how we sleep best.

Well Baby Clinic Fun with MediCal

You might not know this, but I'm currently poor. By some accounts, I'm even homeless. You'd think that would make things easier for me in some ways, like getting government assistance. Ironically it made things more difficult. I talked to an insurance agent weekly, and called him daily in an effort to make sure our application for coverage was accepted. Finally it was, but our son? He didn't exist. So for the last three months I've been fighting to get my dear sweet boy health coverage through that lovely government program, MediCal.

Don't get me wrong. Without government assistance we'd be up a creek. Kiddo would be one of the kids living in poverty without preventative care. That would truly be a travesty (and I'm not saying this because I'm biased).

Through a little pushing and pulling we finally got an application through, but of course it would take another 45 days to be processed. Fortunately California has temporary coverage that it offers (I'm not sure if it's only for babies, for kids, or for anyone). All I can say is, I just about kissed the ground when I found out about this.

So we scheduled an appointment with the clinic in Lompoc. Christian couldn't come with me because he was working, so I asked my dad to come with me. I thought it would be easier to handle kiddo with vaccines etc if I had another person with me. I was right.

Our appointment was at 2. We arrived around 1:45. I had to fill out at least 6 forms. Once those were through we had to wait. This was difficult because the room was full of families and at least one child under two who from now on will be called "The Banshee." Kiddo was not pleased. He didn't cry, but he was wary of how loud the room was. He's my son - he likes quiet.

Finally we got called back to get kiddo measured and filter any questions I had. The nurse said kiddo looked just like his dad. I wanted to say, "How would you know?" but then I realized she was talking about my dad. I smiled politely and said, "That's his grandfather." I couldn't tell if she thought my dad was my father-in-law or what, because she said some strange things which I ignored.

After kiddo was measured with something akin to a medieval torture device, we went back to the lobby with a diaper only kiddo wrapped in a blanket. Impossibly, the lobby was even MORE full. Now the Banshee's wails were joined by the squeals of several children chasing one another. Kiddo started fussing almost immediately. It was his nap time. He was tired. He was hungry. He was annoyed by these loud children. First I tried to jiggle him. Then I tried to feed him a bottle of milk I'd brought. Then I tried to rock him. Finally, I got him to stop fussing by playing with him and making him laugh. His laugh was so loud and so sweet the room got quiet to listen. I noticed other children and parents watching me play with my very fair, now very smiley baby. When I sensed the play was coming to the end of its effectiveness, my dad handed me kiddo's pacifier which I promptly stuffed in his mouth. He went to sleep immediately. I shushed him and rocked him back and forth to cover the noise of the playing children, but most of the people nearby were quiet. They watched me, marveling at how kiddo went to sleep in an instant while other children fussed at having to wait. I felt like a superhero.

Eventually they called kiddo's name and we went back to see a doctor. She, like most people, fell in love with him immediately. She was impressed I give him Vitamin D drops daily and that we cloth diaper at home. Everything looked healthy and perfect. Kiddo is still around 95% for height (28 inches), but he's dropped down the % in weight at 19 lbs 8 oz (a good thing I think). His head circumference has stayed the same % it's been the whole time (75%). She advised me that he wouldn't have to have some of the shots from the 4 month visit that he missed because the vulnerability wasn't there any more (thanks health care!). Basically, he was lucky he didn't get sick.

Insert: frown

She then told me I could introduce solids, like rice cereal, if I wanted to, but I didn't have to (which is good because I don't want to - but I might get iron drops because it seems like we'll need them). I was also advised to get sunblock because it's fine to use on babies 6 months and older (we picked some up today). The one thing she said which I struggled with was the fact that she mentioned we should get him to sleep on his own.

Ha! That will be a separate post. Yeah. It's that good.

After we finished with the doctor, we waited in a different area next to the lab where they give vaccines. Kiddo was happy and smiley at all the people walking by. When we were called into the lab a few minutes later he smiled at the tech. He smiled in between swallows of his oral vaccine. And then she stuck him in his left thigh. He was quiet for a second and then wailed. Then I had to turn him and he was temporarily distracted by a cap on the counter before she stuck his right thigh once, and then twice. He was miserable. I hugged him as tight as I could, but unlike his earlier pediatricians' offices, I couldn't nurse him. We were directed to a nearby room to dress him and as soon as we got his shirt on I gave him the bottle of milk. He calmed immediately. I held him all the way to the car, along with the milk.

By the time we got to the car, he seemed pretty happy. His infrequent sniffs were nearly gone. By the time we got home, he was his normal happy self. I gave him some pain medicine, and he slept... for 2 hours straight. He woke for a little while and then he went back to sleep.

Then in the middle of the night he woke up crying, then he started to choke. It sounded like he was throwing up, but it was gurgling. In between this he wailed. I turned his body on the side like I was taught at so many swim classes. Whatever it was came out. He wailed. His body felt extremely hot. I'd forgotten he'd gotten a fever the last time he'd been vaccinated and I freaked out. I started to peel off his sleeper. It was too warm. Kiddo screamed. I told Christian to get the Ibuprofen and dropper. I got the sleeper off and I nursed kiddo while Christian came back with the Ibuprofen. By that time, kiddo was calm and easily took the medicine. Christian changed his diaper which was unusually full for that time of night and then I nursed him. He fell asleep, waking in fits and wanting to nurse throughout the night. It was a long night for everyone, and while his fever was significantly less in the morning, I was still a little anxious.

I didn't want to have to deal with the clinic again and I didn't want kiddo to be ill, even if it was a fairly normal reaction to a vaccine at such a young age. Thankfully, kiddo is a healthy little boy. Though his legs were definitely sore today, his temperature was back to normal 24 hours after his shots. He was the happy-go-lucky little boy that everyone loves, except now he's protected from polio and whooping cough thanks to MediCal.

Alien Cosleeping

We cosleep. There. I said it. Now you can judge me.

Except of course, everything I've read has led me to very specific conclusions about cosleeping, and then again, I haven't said what kind I do, and you don't know my reasons for doing it.

Everything I've read points me to the thought that cosleeping is best. Now, cosleeping includes room-sharing and bed-sharing. No matter which kind we're talking about however, it has benefits. It decreases SIDS risk. It increases sleep. It helps mother and baby bond. It makes breastfeeding easier. It even helps baby's development!

As to what kind I do? Well I do both...though mostly we bed-share (alright, now you can berate me). Yes, I'm evil and don't care about my baby. I'm uneducated and exposing my baby to more risks...blah blah blah. Clearly.

You know why we bed-share? Because kiddo likes it. Honestly. We have a cosleeper, but kiddo doesn't sleep well in it. He sleeps better with me. In the cosleeper he startles himself awake (or gets frustrated in a swaddle). He cries more and because of this, none of us sleep well (Christian startles awake as much as kiddo does because he freaks out at every little noise kiddo makes!).

In the bed, kiddo gets to eat whenever he likes (which he really likes). He doesn't startle and he doesn't cry.  He prefers to nuzzle right up against me using me as a pillow (though I do put him on his back to start, he's already rolling on his own). And in bed, he can easily sleep 4 hour stretches (We only had to wake up once last night ! Woohoo!).

Don't worry. We practice safe bed-sharing. Loose fabric is away from kiddo's face (or anywhere remotely near) and there aren't any fluffy objects nearby either. The cat doesn't come by his head (not even remotely). Kiddo sleeps on his back. The mattress is firm. And apparently safe bed-sharing decreases SIDS risk dramatically among other awesome things (according to the above link)...so I don't feel guilty.

In fact, I feel good about doing this. Everyone sleeps better because of this practice. In my gut it feels right...probably because for thousands of years mothers have been doing the exact same thing.

So yes, I breastfeed, cloth diaper, and cosleep. I'm such a traditionalist.