Happy New Year!

I thought I'd share with you a few New Year's resolutions. I intend this year to be big for me, but also for my family in the best way possible. 2013 was difficult and momentous. We became parents for the first time and of course Christian lost his job. We also moved from Oakland to Buellton. In many ways I feel like we've been stripped down completely. It's kind of like having a blank slate. So now is our chance to build everything back up to exactly what we want our lives to be. Hopefully this new year, combined with my intentions, will bring us a very different and positive situation.

With that in mind, here they are in no particular order:

1. I will reach my goal weight by December 31, 2014 which means I will log my balanced healthy meals and exercise on a daily basis.
2. I will be the best mom I can possibly be (that goes without saying, right?).
3. I will achieve my writing goals.
4. I will diversify my income streams.
5. I will do 5 things daily that will bring me closer to my goals.

In line with achieved goals and fresh starts, I'll raise my glass to 2014 - another big year, in a completely new and wonderful way!

Milk Supply and The Flu

I should be in the desert right now. I should have slept in a camper and I should be surrounded by dirtbikes. Instead I'm laying in bed with my sheets soaked through and a bottle of Gatorade within reach.

Without going into the gory details I will just say I caught a stomach bug. It is the worst stomach flu I've had in years. Needless to say when dehydration is preferable to drinking water, one doesn't go on vacation. One stays home until she feels better.

I share this with you not because I want sympathy, but because of the secondary problem this sickness creates. Dehydration (and not eating) impacts milk supply.

Fortunately I'm drinking and eating mild foods (like toast) now so my supply wasn't as impacted as I heard it *could* be. That said, I did a couple of things to keep it from disappearing which I'd like to share so you can be prepared through flu season:

1. We nursed. Nursing through most sicknesses is good for babies because even though mom is sick, baby doesn't get sick. This is because baby gets mom's antibodies and so he can fight off infection in no time!

2. We nursed both sides. Stimulation is what keeps supply up, and kiddo is quite the comfort nurser so even when nothing was available, he was happy to nurse.

3. If after nursing kiddo was still hungry, he got some of my thawed milk stash. This way we could keep crankiness at bay and keep kiddo exclusively drinking breastmilk.

4. To help prevent any serious drop, I also drank a cup of Mother's Milk tea by Traditional Medicinals. Can I just say, that stuff worked fast! The first time kiddo nursed after I drank that tea I didn't need to supplement with my frozen stash at all! And he only needed one side!

We'll see how things go today, but I have a feeling everything will be just fine. It seems a serious supply drop crisis was averted, and I'm really thankful because I'm sold even more on the power of breast milk. Kiddo isn't remotely sick despite being in very close quarters with me. He's just as happy and smiley as usual. Thank God for antibodies in breastmilk! That was a stroke of genius!

Kiddo's First Christmas Bear

"Hug Me Hugo" by Gund

My grandmother gave kiddo a BUNCH of gifts, and they were all very sweet (those that weren't wrapped that I've seen so far, though I'm sure the wrapped ones are great too.). That said, there was one present that kiddo absolutely ADORES! He loves his first Christmas Bear,
Gund Hug Me Hugo Animated 15" Plush.

Now I'll be honest. I promised myself NO music playing or talking toys...BUT I can't deny that kiddo absolutely loves this toy.

Because kiddo is so incredibly verbal even at 3 1/2 months, the fact that Hugo speaks (and his mouth moves when he does) wins over kiddo. Not only does he smile when Hugo is speaking, but he gets very concerned when Hugo is visible but out of reach. He ALSO tries to talk to Hugo when the bear talks. He's gotten so used to Hugo speaking, kiddo now speaks to his other stuffed creatures.

And luckily the phrases this bear says (and the voice) don't bother me nearly as much as I thought they might.

The moral of this story is, don't judge a toy by it's recorded sounds. It might be one of the best Christmas presents of the year! 

Super Baby Talk and Other Advanced Milestones

Remember how I said my alien kiddo is a super baby? Yeah. It keeps coming.

Last week he started repeating the word "Hi." Before that he was imitating the word "Hello" as well as his gummy mouth could say it. Last night he started adding "How are you?" and "I love you."

I have witnesses. I'm perfectly serious about this.

Is your jaw on the floor? Because mine was.

Obviously kiddo doesn't understand the meaning behind all these words he's imitating, but his verbal brain has clearly passed into overdrive. He talks ALL the time (Is this the result of two minister grandparents? I canna say!). He also appears to attempt singing.

We already know he likes music (He watched The Voice and The Sing-Off as avidly as any fan - and cries when it goes back to talking!). He's recently begun to "talk" while people are singing, and stops when the music stops. It's adorable!

Can I just remind everyone this kid is only 15 weeks old? That's CRAZYPANTS!

In other news, kiddo is: holding his hands together, passing things from one hand to the other, rolling over and back again (with effort), sitting up supported by his hands, bearing weight on his feet (held securely by Mom in her lap), grasping toys easily (and bringing them to his mouth), and even rolling his ball back and forth!

All of this is REALLY exciting for many, many reasons! I'm pretty sure I don't have to worry about kiddo's development at all, except to keep up with it (which is a challenge I will gladly take!).

Has your baby wowed you with their development? Leave a comment below! I'd love to read your story!

The Hidden Benefits of Breastfeeding

I'm not going all lactivist on everyone, BUT I've discovered some other benefits to nursing than kiddo's health. I think probably most breastfeeding mothers are familiar with them, but maybe other people haven't realized there are benefits other than a baby's health.

I like nursing because it forces me to be close to kiddo. I have to scoop him close to me and cradle him, sometimes to purposefully soothe him which it always does. It also gives us a little time to interact. After kiddo nurses, if he hasn't fallen asleep, he looks at me with his bright blue eyes and smiles his huge gummy smile. No matter how I feel earlier, it always melts my heart.

Another benefit to nursing is the fact that I can always disappear. While needing to disappear to nurse could be a hindrance, it's been a blessing for me. I can separate myself from the hustle and bustle of life and cuddle with kiddo.

Because of this separation, I also get time to think. It's not quite the same as alone time, but it functions in a similar way. Considering how little down time I get these days, the thinking time is very much appreciated.

I've been told breastfeeding helps mothers lose baby weight, but I'm not sure nursing is responsible for my weight loss so much as my new diet and exercise regime (Though I can't really say one way or another because I've never nursed besides with kiddo and I've never done this exercise/diet regime except now.).

Nursing is worth trying - if only because it gives you some extra quiet time when motherhood is full of wailing, squealing, farting, etc, etc. I highly recommend it.

One Buff Mommy

Maybe moms with kids in the fifth percentile can't say this -I don't know -  but having a baby makes you buff. Well, having my baby makes me buff. Specifically, carrying my baby or just making sure he doesn't wriggle off my lap makes me buff.

Holy Toledo does kiddo put me through the paces!

Kiddo, you see,  needs to be held - like all the time. He is a cuddle bug. He doesn't need to be held by me all the time (sometimes he wants Daddy or his grandparents) but he does want to be held. You see, he wants to participate in the conversation - be a part of the action. He also likes to move like all the time. It's kind of like having a mixture between a Shake Weight and kettlebell workout. Oh and let's not forget he's not getting any lighter.

I've read babies slow their growth at 6 months. Then again they slow down around 12. Seeing as kiddo is sporting 9 month clothes at this point I'm looking forward to the slow down (Incidentally, if you were thinking of gifting us new or gently used pieces, please only 12 months and up - and of the longer torso variety!).

I mean, he's got socks with non-skid pads on the soles! He can't even crawl!

Anyway the result is mom's arms are more buff than ever. I have an indent when my bicep contracts that is more noticeable (at least to me) than ever before. My legs are boasting significantly more muscle. All this is very exciting because it means my metabolism is speeding up and therefore that extra baby weight (etc) is disappearing.

I'm guessing that when kiddo goes mobile I'll go through my own transformation as I end up chasing him around everywhere. I'm crossing my fingers!

The New Plan is The Old Plan

As a person who is taking responsibility for my life (and that of my little alien man), I thought I would ask for your - you lovely reader you - assistance.

Here's the deal - the new plan is the old plan. That is to say, I'm going to work from home as much as possible. There's several things that are going to help me do that.

Firstly, I'm starting to give private art and writing lessons in the Santa Barbara area. I teach all ages and I love it. I have tons of experience doing both of these things. So, if you know people who'd like to take lessons or bounce ideas off a professional, send them my way! P.S. Referrals that stick mean a free lesson (or a free hour of editing/proofreading assistance) to the person referring!

Secondly, I am writing short stories within my Khloe Alwell series, at least one of which will be FREE to download from both Smashwords and Wattpad. They will be approximately 10,000 words each (that's the hope). When I'm finished writing them, they will be a part of a larger book that will include different tidbits for fans of the series. So if you know people who love fantasy, myth, and intrigue, let them know about these! I'm hoping the first will be available before Christmas.

Thirdly, Smashwords books can be given as gifts. If you know people who enjoy young adult fiction, gift them one or several of my books! Tell your friends! Tell your family! The more people who read and talk about indie books the better!

All these things will help me to get to the place I want my family to be. I will let you know as things progress!

The Last Straw or An Opening Door?

I thought last week was the end - the straw to break the camel's back. Our tire blew and I couldn't handle the way our problems were being handled (or not as the case may be).

Then something strange happened.

My sister-in-law recently began working for a life coach. As such, she invited me to watch a few of the woman's videos. While some of the things were fluff orthe same old self-development stuff, she said a few things that spoke to me.

I realized I can't pin my happiness on other people. I can't keep playing the victim in life. I can't wait for someone else to give me what I want. I need to take responsibility for my life.

I used to do that more, before I got married. I guess I bought into some stupid cultural thing and expected my husband to give me everything rather than getting it myself. It was a recipe for disappointment. So I'm going to refocus my efforts. This seems to be the best route to happiness, and success.

So even though we currently have no income and are living off the kindness of strangers, I believe this will be shortlived. I believe this because so many other factors seems to be coming into play. There are forces at work that I don't completely understand. All I know is they are for my good. And I'll take that.

Postpartum Weight Loss: 3 Months

It's the long awaited and very necessary postpartum weight loss post. It's been 3 months since kiddo was born, so I figured I'd give a little clarity to my situation.

sigh.

Let's do a run down:

• At the end of pregnancy I had gained a whopping 51 pounds. Not exactly the ideal weight gain, but I also was retaining a stupid amount of water.
• In the first 2 weeks after birth, I lost 30 pounds. Some of that was placenta, some it was baby (of course!), and some of it was water.
• Now I'm left with 20 additional pounds to the weight I gained during the last 5 years of marriage (which, to be honest, has brought me into the overweight BMI category, though, happily not excessively so).

So now what?

Well, I was tired of the extra pounds before pregnancy and this extra postpartum weight finally got me motivated to systematically do something about it.

I have used different exercising videos, strength training workouts, and even logging apps. At one point I'd even had a paper journal to document my progress. Through this journey I can say I did lose inches, and a few pounds, as well as gained a lot of muscle. I discovered the exercises I hated and the ones I loved.

But I didn't really lose. Nothing was really working - not the way I wanted and I didn't understand why. Then I got pregnant and I packed on the poundage.

With these extra pregnancy pounds, now I feel like I need to do a great shedding. I need to get to a place where I feel good about my body again. I decided I needed to try something different - I needed to change how I was eating. I needed to take my exercise up a notch.

I looked through the Google Play store and found Noom Weight Loss Coach. It's got a free version and seemed to be very popular, so I downloaded it and tried it out. It's a food and exercise logging application that makes weight loss into a kind of game (or at least that's how it feels to me). It also isn't a calorie counter. I mean, yes, calorie counting is involved, but that's a very small portion of the whole thing.

I found my salvation.

Well, I've lost 4 pounds in the month I've been using it - not a lot, but something (including the Thanksgiving holiday!). The bigger deal however is the inches. I lost 2.5 inches in my waist. I lost 2 inches in my hips. I even lost a total of 2 inches on my thighs. The beauty of this is I haven't completely given anything up. I still eat some of the things that trainers would put on the no-no list (though in moderation). And yet my pants are getting baggy (and I'm still retaining water! Thanks hormones!).

But I still have a long way to go. I've been afraid to take out my pre-pregnancy jeans. I have a few inches to go before I feel comfortable trying them on. I know where my numbers used to be and I can't remember how loose my beloved jeans were. I've brought out some of my pre-pregnancy shirts, but I've been wearing them sparingly. When I put them on they're just a reminder to me how much weight I'm still carrying because they fit differently, even if they do fit.

The goal now is to first get rid of the pregnancy 20 I'm carrying, and then to get rid of the embarrassingly high number of non-pregnancy related pounds. I'd like to wear some of those gorgeous dresses hanging around in my closet once more. Currently I'm hoping to have some major changes by May 31. Why? My cousin's getting married at the end of May and it would be great to feel, well, great while visiting the whole family.

I know I can do it. It may be slow going, but it's going. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Hope for the Hopeless

I survived my Thanksgiving adventure. I even liked the camper situation, though I could, as I expected, have left the desert and biking business out of the equation.

However, my adventure ended and now I'm on this side of Thanksgiving, and it has me freaked. Yesterday was the first Sunday in Advent - the lead up to Christmas. Christmas means presents. Presents are tied up in expectation, and of course require money - something we don't have.

The dinky job Christian got when we arrived here has basically dried up. They told him they don't have any work for him, so don't bother coming in. Add to the fact that we have a required gift giving exchange with family, a need to contribute to cover Cobra this month, our 2 lone bills (and then gas), and our loan forbearances are ending, well I'm more than a little stressed.

I'm freaked out. I'm upset. I'm tired and I feel nearly hopeless.

It's ironic, because this season is supposed to be about hope. It's supposed to be about new beginnings, giving, love, joy, and hope. And for me, those things are in short supply. I have these moments when kiddo is smiling, and I forget my situation for five seconds. Then, when I'm tired or he's crying, or really anything comes up that's remotely related to finances or housing or clothing or food, I go back to freaking out. My shoulders tense up. My eyes begin to water. My throat tightens. My head aches.

I could take an Ibuprofen and move on with my day, doing whatever to forget, and ignoring my bank balance (something I do quite often) or I could wallow or I could try to change my situation. And I've done all these things. And the last one is the best choice, but it also takes the longest and it might not work in time. That's probably why I'm so freaked out - because I don't know how my situation can get better. I can't see the exact way out and so I'm freaked out, and I feel badly about little stupid things, like not being able to afford presents for people close to me.

I probably won't be able to fix my situation in time to buy presents for people this Christmas. I might not be in a better spot in six months, but hopefully by this time next year my life will be quite different. That's the big hope. That's what I want for kiddo - something different, something better, something safe and secure. I'll cling to that.

So maybe I have a little hope. Just a little.