The First Thanksgiving: An Adventure

Tomorrow will be kiddo's first Thanksgiving. Of course he can't appreciate the spread involved, and because of that, along with my husband's preferences, we're booking it to the Mojave.

*cough*

Yes we're taking our 3 month old son to go desert dirt biking with his grandparents for his first T-day.

Well there are a few things you should know about this adventure of ours.

First, I have never ridden a dirt bike. I may have married a biker, but I'm not one.

Secondly, I have gone camping a total of 2 times - both in a tent with my husband. While I enjoyed both escapades, the first one involved a large glittering lake (actually glittering with specks of pyrite) and the second involved ginormous redwood trees. These are things I absolutely love - water and trees.

Water and trees are the opposite of the desert.

To be fair, I like the desert in winter. It's the right temperature for me and often it's wet enough to boast beautiful flowers. I look forward to these things.

I'm unsure about the dirt biking with a baby thing. I'm not sure if there will be enough interesting walking trails for me to continue my workout regime (getting that baby weight off is a priority - plus the marriage weight I've been accumulating for 5+ years).

I'm also concerned about kiddo's eye. His right tearduct is underdeveloped (normal for a baby under 6 months). This means it doesn't drain properly, which means it's continuously goopy. I massage it and wipe away the gunk, but the situation is ripe for ocular irritation, particularly conjunctivitis.

If the sand isn't wet enough, dust will fly everywhere. Kiddo is so small, even if he begrudgingly wears his sunglasses, I'm afraid his eye will get worse. It had gotten a lot better in the last month but a really windy/dusty outing caused it to get nearly as bad as it was his first weeks of life. I don't want the problem exacerbated because Daddy wanted to ride bikes. :-/

Whatever happens, the time is sure to be an adventure. I have several plans in place should it be too windy/dusty for kiddo. I just hope he doesn't get bored being in the camper for 3 days if the weather doesn't cooperate. He is only a baby, but he's also already over Peek-a-boo (he knows how the game works and is no longer entertained by it). This kid is too smart for his own good. And he's teething. It may be a tough trip.

I'm crossing my fingers as I pray.

Ever had a tough trip with a little one? Give us some tips and pointers below!

Getting a Social Security Number for Kiddo

How hard could it be?

Ahem. Well let me relate our story to you.

First you need to know the Social Security Administration office in Santa Barbara is in the mall. This is weird, but whatever. Secondly, this lovely office is only open from 10 am until 3 pm Monday through Friday, except on Wednesdays it's only open from 10 am until 12 noon. And thirdly...well, we'll get to thirdly.

Our first attempt was Tuesday. We drove down to Santa Barbara and printed out the paper work at my in-laws. By the time we'd gotten kiddo situated and our papers filled out, it was already past 3. As it was, we didn't have his birth certificate, so we couldn't have gotten the number anyway.

So, we decided we would get up earlier on Wednesday and try again. This time we brought kiddo's birth certificate and the paper application for the SSA, along with our own identifying materials - just to be safe. We got there around 11 and the guard (because this is a federal office there's an armed guard on duty) helped us enter our info to receive a numbered ticket - kind of like the DMV but with a touchscreen, a reassuring smile, and a holstered gun.

Well, the line was short and the numbers went quickly. Because of the reason for our visit, we got to go into the back and sit at a high-walled cubicle with an SSA officer who looked like a tired teaching assistant (he had a baby face). First he asked if we'd given birth in a hospital (No!) because if we had, the hospital would have asked for a number for the baby. When it was clear that wasn't the case we moved on. Of course he asked for our papers, an ID, kiddo's birth certificate, and an immunization record.

Me: An immunization record?
SSA: Yes and not the card that you fill out.
Me: We don't have that here.
SSA: Do you have an insurance card with the baby's name on it?
Christian: No. My wife's name isn't even on the insurance card.
SSA: Well we need another piece of identifying information for the child.

That was when Christian and I looked at each other.

They required another piece of identifying information for a baby. It wasn't enough that we'd gone through a whole application process to get the birth certificate. It wasn't enough to have a signed affidavit that included the attending midwife's signature. It wasn't enough to have both of us - kiddo's PARENTS - present affirming that he was in fact our child.

We left. We called kiddo's wonderful new pediatrician in Buellton. The doctor was confused when we asked for a copy of kiddo's chart. When we explained what we needed it for, he laughed. He hadn't ever heard of the SSA needing this. It seemed bizarre. Two pieces of identification - for a child! Totally absurd. Regardless, he put together an envelop containing the information for us and we picked it up that afternoon. Obviously it was too late to go back to the SSA office, and frankly, we weren't going to drive all the way down to Santa Barbara anyway.

Thursday was a day of rest when it came to social security numbers.

Finally today we went down to the office. Of course Friday afternoon was a ZOO. There were people waiting in the hall, slumped against the wall. We got a number again, and miraculously found 2 seats together. People smiled at us and asked us about kiddo (he is really adorable, even if I say so myself). I have to think it made the time a little less painful for everyone. I explained to kiddo that the SSA office was kind of like purgatory, just like the DMV. Kiddo fussed a little, and I gave him his pacifier.

At some point, he decided when they announced numbers over the loudspeaker that it was funny. The sound startled him out of his light doze. Every time it did, he would giggle through his pacifier. Then he got too tired, too hungry, or too uncomfortable. The laughter turned to crying. I had to rock him and hold him close so he could fall asleep.

It was well past 3 before we were called back to a woman's cubicle. She asked for one of our IDs, the application form, kiddo's birth certificate, and an insurance card. We explained again that we didn't have an insurance card, but that we had his pediatrician's records. She asked us where he was born and we explained about the free-standing birth center. This lady actually called them to confirm they didn't request SSNs at birth. Then she wanted to see if we had any additional documents that proved kiddo was who we said he was. Fortunately we brought EVERYTHING with us this time. We gave her proof of the newborn screening as well as the affidavit.

3 days and 2 hours after we'd begun attempting this application process, we got a receipt that confirmed we applied for a social security number for kiddo. The receipt said we would receive the number within 2 weeks.

If we do, I'll be amazed.

Do you have any fun stories about government agencies and babies? Comment below!

Wonderful Teething

Well, kiddo has been exceptionally fussy the last few days. This seems to happen once a week, but really, it's another wonder week (or so I hear). So he could be about to have another mental leap, or he could just grow another two inches in a night. One is documented and the other seems just as likely.

That may be what's going on, but there is also the whole gum thing. Yes. That.

Kiddo has started gumming everything in sight. He wants to chew on everything. He's batting at his face constantly and he fusses until he gets something to chew. Oh, and the drool is rivaling a livestock guard dog's.

Yes it would appear kiddo is teething.

I've read that teething can happen up to four weeks before the teeth actually sprout. He is about three months in, and teeth can pop up around four months. I'm not looking forward to that.

Kiddo seems to be very interested in adult food. He looks longingly at us eating our food as though he'd ready for the big stuff. I'd rather he keep breastfeeding exclusively until he's 12 months old. Then he can start on solids. That's what I want, assuming he doesn't decide to bite my nipples off with his new mouthful of teeth, which is the other thing I'm concerned about. But it doesn't really matter.

In the end, I'm just going to have to deal with whatever happens - solid food and teeth - sooner or later. I can hope for later though. Hope. Later. Crossies.

A Working Mom?

Every time I'm looking at kiddo it hits me: I do not want to go back to work. I hate going to the movies because it's too long away from him so how can I deal with an 8 hour workday?

Don't get me wrong. I like adult time. I do. I like going on nightly walks with my husband without kiddo, but those are close and short.

To make matters worse, I feel the pinch.

On the one hand, I don't have to worry about food or rent because I'm living with my parents. On the other hand, I'm living with my parents. We're in a small room - all three of us. We have to negotiate chores etc with my parents and my brother who is also at home (which has been a little rocky). As much as my parents want us to feel at home, it is impossible at this point.

I can't feel at home when I don't have all my stuff organized. This is the same reason I didn't feel at home in our loft. It took us forever to do anything with our junk. By the time we had, we were preparing to leave.

Another reason I don't feel at home is because everything is done the way my mother does things, not the way I do things. While there is overlap in the way we each approach life and cooking utensils, there is also difference.

I feel like I'm playing at being an adult more than living my adulthood.

In addition, the part time job Christian got is paying him even less hourly than what he was making in the Bay (keep in mind we have a lot fewer expenses here however). This is nervous making because we wanted to be able to at least pay down a little of our debt while we figured out our next step. As it is, I'm not sure how much debt we'll be able to pay and we don't have many more months of deferment or forbearance left.

Every time I think about bills my stomach ties up in knots. Every manifest destiny law of attraction manifesto says to think good thoughts but that's pretty difficult to do when I feel so on edge. I feel like an imposition - a burden. I wanted to be the one to take care of others, not the other way around.

And it sucks even worse because I feel like a failure. My books are doing better, but I'm not rolling in it. I was one of those people who was always told I'd do great things. In my mind I equated great things to fame and fortune and I'd do them before facial wrinkles and gray hair. I have neither fame nor fortune, but I do have a few stray grays.

So...what do I do?

I feel pressure to apply to jobs but I can barely get my daily writing goal done while taking care of kiddo. I don't think I can write, work, and be a mom. I thought I could, but I can't. I definitely can't do all that and work out. And I need to work out to be sane. I need to lose this extra baby weight to feel like I have some iota of control in my life.

My dad, smart man that he is, says just to apply to jobs and then if I get an interview or whatever, I can deal with that then. The problem is finding and applying to jobs takes time. Then interviews require someone to care for kiddo. And I have to find something professional to wear that fits me (and buying clothes at this point seems utterly ridiculous as I'm working on losing weight and getting fit). And of course working requires childcare as well...and a wardrobe.

This is not a simple task.

But I want my independence back.

I suppose the key here is to figure out a route to happiness that includes all these things. I'm going to ponder some more. I'm going to work on some things with Christian. I'm going to work on some things with my dad. I'm going to try to relax and enjoy my darling baby. I'm going to pray.

The Most Important Job In The World

Governments, foundations, and corporations have invested in the wrong things. The wrong people are getting too much for what they do and the right people are getting too little.

Of course I'm speaking about mothers.

More than ever I'm convinced mothers do the most important job in the entire world (with dads being second). Here's why:

1. The breast is best - and can only be provided by a mother.
2. The time in the womb helps set the stage for a child's life.
3. When a baby is crying, for any reason, when given to his mother, he calms down immediately (even if the problem isn't addressed right away).
4. When looking at family photos, babies stare at pictures of their mothers more than anyone else.
5. When a mother walks into a room, her baby smiles big just because he sees her.
6. Scientists have said that a mother's voice is the most soothing sound in the world to her baby (even if that baby is an adult!).
7. A mom's smell is the best smell to her baby.
8. A mother's support is the most important support a person can receive - it didn't matter to a child if no one thought he were good in the play, as long as his mother did.
9. Even the smallest parenting decisions by a mother have a huge impact on a child for the rest of his life.
10. A bad relationship with one's mother can have horrible psychological consequences.

I know these things. I see them with kiddo.

One of the first ways kiddo showed his superbaby status was through manipulation. Let me explain. When he was very young, he wanted to eat even more often than he does now (unbelievable, but true!). So when he fussed he was given to me. When he rooted, he was given to me. So he started fussing or rooting whenever he heard my voice and wasn't with me. He'd be given to me and not be hungry. He just wanted me to hold him. He just wanted snuggles with mommy.

While I know if I disappeared for some reason kiddo would have tons of people to love and care for him, I also know there would be a hole for him. I know this because more often than not, I'm the only person who can comfort him. He sleeps better when I'm near. He eats more when it's from me. He smiles more when I'm around. I see the difference. It makes Christian jealous, bless his heart, but there's nothing I can do about it. This is what it means to be a mother.

This is why it is so wrong to mock someone's mother. This is why it's so wrong to attack a mother. Mothers are how humanity continues. Mothers make the world work. Mothers care, and love, and support, and lift us up. This is the job of "mother" and I can't imagine a more important one in the entire world.

And while I understand this, all children go through a period of time when they separate from their mothers and suddenly the mother gets trampled on by the teenage need for independence and a hormonally charged ego. It isn't until much later, when that teen becomes a parent that he or she suddenly understands the depth of value he or she had in his or her mother.

Knowing this, I wake up every day wanting to do right by kiddo. Maybe when he's older he'll read this and know that I was always hoping I wasn't doing too much or not enough - that I was worried I would screw it up. Maybe he'll realize how I measured every action, knowing how much of an impact every little touch and expression could have. Maybe he'll realize then just how important I am, the way he does now, simply the person who makes him feel safe and warm.

2 Month Well Baby Visit

Yesterday kiddo had his 2 month well baby visit at 10 weeks old.

We really lucked out with a great doc a block away from home who has 25 years experience. This man was phenomenal. He genuinely loves kids and has a great bedside manner. He made us feel comfortable and informed us in no uncertain terms that kiddo is perfect...if on the bigger side.

Spiderman Band-aid!

Remember the last weight update? He was 13 lbs 6 oz at 6 weeks. Just 4 weeks later...he gained 2 pounds! He is now 15 lbs 6 oz!

*blinks*

I might have to compete in one of those crazy challenge runs using kiddo as a training tool...just wearing him is a workout!

And how long is kiddo? A whopping 25 inches! This kid has grown a crazy amount. He was 21.25 inches at birth! He's grown almost 4 inches in 2.5 months! That means he's in the 95% for both height and weight. He's perfectly proportioned.

In addition to finding out that kiddo is growing perfectly and looks completely normal developmentally, he got 4 vaccines because we're following the CDC schedule for vaccination. Apparently the one oral vaccine was more delicious than his vitamin D drops he takes daily. The 3 shots in his thighs were something else entirely.

Ironman Band-aid!

I haven't seen kiddo wail like that since the newborn screening. The poor kid was so upset. I picked him up and nursed him, whispering soothing words in his ear. Eventually he settled down, however it wasn't over.

For the rest of the day he cried whenever his thighs were touched. That night he had a low grade fever and for once wasn't sweating. He also wasn't nursing as well. I gave him pain reliever and sat up with him to try to get him to nurse which he did. Then the fever broke and he was so sweaty it soaked through 3 layers of towel. He even had pink crystals in his diaper the next morning he'd lost so much water (Needless to say we nursed extra long this morning.).
He was actually cranky until 8 pm today, when he finally began smiling again.

I hated this past day but I'd rather deal with a mild vaccine reaction and cranky baby than have to sit next a crib in the hospital wondering if my baby's going to live or die or survive with life-long health issues or disabilities. It breaks my heart to see kiddo in mild discomfort, but I can live with that if it means keeping kiddo healthy.

I Know My Baby Will Be...

There's this thing about parenting; you want your kid to be special. You want your kid to be awesome. The thing is, every kid isn't. But just like the Bible, you can find evidence even at the youngest ages that your kid is amazing or has some kind of cool something or other.

Just don't be surprised if your kid isn't...especially.

Keep in mind, I'm saying this as much to remind myself as to help you out. Really. I'm doing the same thing. So, I figured I would provide you some entertainment at the expense of myself...

I know kiddo is going to be an artist because he stares at paintings and gets really excited when you stare at the same painting he likes.

I know kiddo is going to win eating contests because, well, he seems to be shooting for the most milk in a 24 hour period.

I know kiddo is working on his vampirism because he flinches every time he goes into direct sun (or maybe just a goth?).

I know kiddo is going to be a big burly man not only because he's at the top of the growth charts, but because he's a ginger.

I know kiddo will play soccer because he kicks...a lot.

I know kiddo will walk before crawling because he hates tummy time and loves to be on his feet.

I know kiddo will be a musician because of his large hands and the fact he cries when the music gets turned off.

I know kiddo will be a social butterfly because he prefers to sit at the table on someone's lap at dinner than to be relegated to the pak n' play.

And finally...I know kiddo will be a genius. That one's obvious...I mean, he's got us for parents. ;-)

What do you swear your kid will be and why? Leave a comment below!

10 Weird Things You Miss From Before Parenthood

There are things about being a parent that I knew would be hard, but I didn't expect the things I would miss, some of them strange.

Yes I miss my low waist/hip ratio. Yes I miss sleep. I also miss being able to write whenever I want to...but here are some of the weirder things I miss:

1. Being able to cut my toenails regularly. I'm serious.
2. Being able to have my hair down without worrying about it getting pulled.
3. Wearing low cut dresses - they don't really make plunge cut nursing bras for girls my shape. Those things are unicorns.
4. Spontaneous solo napping. Who knew?
5. The freedom to only do one thing at a time. Ha! *Never again!*
6. Non-leaky boobs - what a completely awkward thing to soak through your shirt!
7. My less flabby belly...I was self conscious about my midsection before, but now is something completely different.
8. Consistent quiet - my days are now divided into crying times and quiet times. It would be nice to have more quiet.
9. The freedom to do whatever whenever...like laundry or shower.
10. Wasting time. Really. That is a complete single/couple life luxury.

Some of these were sort of expected, but for the most part I didn't understand how having a baby would impact my day to day. I didn't realize I'd have to use every scrap of time to its fullest if I wanted to get anything done. I didn't realize kiddo would require my full attention so regularly. These are things mothers talk about, but I didn't believe them.

And now I have long toe nails.

What are the things you miss from before kids? Leave a comment below!