Getting a Social Security Number for Kiddo

How hard could it be?

Ahem. Well let me relate our story to you.

First you need to know the Social Security Administration office in Santa Barbara is in the mall. This is weird, but whatever. Secondly, this lovely office is only open from 10 am until 3 pm Monday through Friday, except on Wednesdays it's only open from 10 am until 12 noon. And thirdly...well, we'll get to thirdly.

Our first attempt was Tuesday. We drove down to Santa Barbara and printed out the paper work at my in-laws. By the time we'd gotten kiddo situated and our papers filled out, it was already past 3. As it was, we didn't have his birth certificate, so we couldn't have gotten the number anyway.

So, we decided we would get up earlier on Wednesday and try again. This time we brought kiddo's birth certificate and the paper application for the SSA, along with our own identifying materials - just to be safe. We got there around 11 and the guard (because this is a federal office there's an armed guard on duty) helped us enter our info to receive a numbered ticket - kind of like the DMV but with a touchscreen, a reassuring smile, and a holstered gun.

Well, the line was short and the numbers went quickly. Because of the reason for our visit, we got to go into the back and sit at a high-walled cubicle with an SSA officer who looked like a tired teaching assistant (he had a baby face). First he asked if we'd given birth in a hospital (No!) because if we had, the hospital would have asked for a number for the baby. When it was clear that wasn't the case we moved on. Of course he asked for our papers, an ID, kiddo's birth certificate, and an immunization record.

Me: An immunization record?
SSA: Yes and not the card that you fill out.
Me: We don't have that here.
SSA: Do you have an insurance card with the baby's name on it?
Christian: No. My wife's name isn't even on the insurance card.
SSA: Well we need another piece of identifying information for the child.

That was when Christian and I looked at each other.

They required another piece of identifying information for a baby. It wasn't enough that we'd gone through a whole application process to get the birth certificate. It wasn't enough to have a signed affidavit that included the attending midwife's signature. It wasn't enough to have both of us - kiddo's PARENTS - present affirming that he was in fact our child.

We left. We called kiddo's wonderful new pediatrician in Buellton. The doctor was confused when we asked for a copy of kiddo's chart. When we explained what we needed it for, he laughed. He hadn't ever heard of the SSA needing this. It seemed bizarre. Two pieces of identification - for a child! Totally absurd. Regardless, he put together an envelop containing the information for us and we picked it up that afternoon. Obviously it was too late to go back to the SSA office, and frankly, we weren't going to drive all the way down to Santa Barbara anyway.

Thursday was a day of rest when it came to social security numbers.

Finally today we went down to the office. Of course Friday afternoon was a ZOO. There were people waiting in the hall, slumped against the wall. We got a number again, and miraculously found 2 seats together. People smiled at us and asked us about kiddo (he is really adorable, even if I say so myself). I have to think it made the time a little less painful for everyone. I explained to kiddo that the SSA office was kind of like purgatory, just like the DMV. Kiddo fussed a little, and I gave him his pacifier.

At some point, he decided when they announced numbers over the loudspeaker that it was funny. The sound startled him out of his light doze. Every time it did, he would giggle through his pacifier. Then he got too tired, too hungry, or too uncomfortable. The laughter turned to crying. I had to rock him and hold him close so he could fall asleep.

It was well past 3 before we were called back to a woman's cubicle. She asked for one of our IDs, the application form, kiddo's birth certificate, and an insurance card. We explained again that we didn't have an insurance card, but that we had his pediatrician's records. She asked us where he was born and we explained about the free-standing birth center. This lady actually called them to confirm they didn't request SSNs at birth. Then she wanted to see if we had any additional documents that proved kiddo was who we said he was. Fortunately we brought EVERYTHING with us this time. We gave her proof of the newborn screening as well as the affidavit.

3 days and 2 hours after we'd begun attempting this application process, we got a receipt that confirmed we applied for a social security number for kiddo. The receipt said we would receive the number within 2 weeks.

If we do, I'll be amazed.

Do you have any fun stories about government agencies and babies? Comment below!