Activity Cubes For The Win!

Over the course of my fledgling motherhood, I've discovered a few trade secrets:

1. You can never have too many wipe containers around.
2. Always have two extra outfits, no matter what your age (kids and parents included).
3. Never underestimate the power of a well-made age-appropriate toy.

Kiddo is turning 1 in a few days. Christian and I decided to give him an activity cube. They aren't cheap. I researched the cheap little ones and the stupid ginormous ones. In the end, I found a cube that was well made and wouldn't break the bank - the B Zany Zoo cube.

I liked what I read about the cube online, and discovered Target carries them. So I went in person to inspect the thing. It has the same activities as many more expensive cubes. It used nice vibrant paints, and had interesting shapes, all in a zoo theme. It's a perfectly gender neutral toy.

I put it in the cart and Kiddo turned around and stood up, reaching over the seat back to play with the beads and wood animals. He did this the entire route through the store and out into the parking lot.

Seeing as Kiddo has no idea when his birthday is, we gave him the toy the same day. He played with it for an hour straight. The next day he played with it for 40 minutes straight. The good thing is, even though he loves playing with it, there are things he still can't do on several surfaces. There are things he doesn't understand and there are teaching moments with Mommy or Daddy. I can see this being a well-loved toy, especially when Mom or Dad need Kiddo to play independently.

The Priority Shuffle: At-Home Time Management

I've been thinking a lot about priorities lately. I have to. As a mom, I don't have time to fritter away. Every second is precious and so I consciously choose how to spend each one.

It may sound a little tedious, but it isn't practically.

When I choose how I spend my time, I am more productive. I get more done in the time I have because I know I only have so much time to devote to a given task. So right now, for example, I'm writing a blog post while nursing Kiddo to sleep. Yeah. Supermom.

I also enjoy my tasks more when I am consciously deciding how to spend my time. I feel successful when I get a blog post written as I am right now. I feel blessed when I get to play with my son or read him a story.

The trouble is of course, there is a lot to get done and I have to juggle things in such a way that sometimes it is uncomfortable. When I sleep later and have to workout with Kiddo awake in the pack n' play, he's not too happy. Scrambling to get the diaper laundry and Christian's work clothes done while Kiddo is occupied in his play seat or the play yard is not easy. Often there is crying or whining involved.

I'm finding more and more that my personal needs that don't dovetail with others get pushed to the wayside. I really want to paint my toenails and file them etc, but I just don't have the time. I'd love to put lotion on my skin, but again, I don't have the time. Honestly, I have to force time to brush my teeth. Only through creative management am I able to eat regularly.

I'm also discovering that generally speaking, men have a hard time understanding this. People who are not at home parents have a hard time understanding this.

There are a few kinds of people right now who are seriously bugging me with their lack of understanding about at-home parent time management:

1.Women with nannies who still claim they don't have time (what are they doing with all that extra time???)
2. Working parents or childless people who ask, what are you doing all day?
3. And of course, parents who shirk their responsibilities placing an unequal load without a break on the parent at-home (because the at-home parent has all that time!).

I use every second of my day and I still miss things, forget things, etc. I manage my time very well. Even when I force the issue, there are still things that don't get done (like workouts, or alone time, or eating). I prioritize, balance, and limit things. It takes a lot of discipline to study GRE when I'd rather write while Kiddo naps. But these are the choices I make while at-home. This is how I work to make my life better.

I am sure there are some at-home parents who don't do these things. My guess is, however, most are like me. Too bad their priority balancing act generally isn't valued or seen for what it truly is.

Ode to My Husband: Happy Anniversary

so expressive...

Okay, I know I already posted about money today (something on my mind as I start shelling out the big bucks to apply to grad school) but...

It is an important day. It's our 6th anniversary. So I thought I would share some things I learned/like/love about Christian, for ... giggles. :-)

Hipsters 4 LYFE!

1. Christian is very silly. While he can't express his deep emotions very well, he has an incredibly expressive face that shows every little thought that flicks through his mind. The result is a nightly laugh fest at dinner time.
2. He has child-like excitement about the world. When something strikes his fancy, he learns everything he possibly can, and then can't wait to share it all with you - even if you have no interest whatsoever. He has enough interest for the both of you.
3. Christian has an amazing autopilot. He sets up routines in his mind so strongly sometimes he forgets he is on auto pilot. He ends up doing the auto pilot anyway, even if he wanted to do something else (example: getting off the 101 at Patterson Ave exit when he wanted to get off at Fairview).
4. I have NEVER met someone with a stronger protective/crisis instinct (except maybe his mom). If there is blood, bruising, crying, or possible destruction, Christian's reflexes take over. This is what made him kill baby rattle snakes at the age of 11 when they threatened his baby nephew. It is what kept Kiddo from being hurt when they tumbled down the stairs and Christian twisted mid fall to allow Kiddo to safely land on top of him. This instinct is something to behold.
5. Christian does game theory problems in his head before going to sleep at night...for fun.  Seriously.
6. At least once a day, he sketches out some potential invention or schematic either to explain a concept to someone else, or to get an idea into the world and out of his head.
7. No one has made me as dizzy through layered conversation as Christian. When other people have no idea what I'm referencing (which happens all the time), Christian does most of the time, and then he gives me something just as obscure and fun back.
8. Christian and I are about the same level of genre nerd - just slightly different types. Where he dove deep into hard sci-fi, I was waltzing around fantasy. As a result, we meet in the middle for fun discussions of themes, problems, and social commentary.

   

   Dahntahn

9. We share the same central progressive Christian beliefs, which makes raising a kid in the Church a lot easier (thank GOD!).
10. Christian is able to negotiate my kind of crazy extremely well, which is something I wasn't sure I would ever find. It goes a long way to making me feel validated even when my hormones turn me into Ms. Hyde.
11. Christian is willing to try things, especially if he can see where they might work better. This means we're never stuck doing the same old same old unless we want to be.
12. Christian makes me feel physically safe. I have never felt in danger with him ever. He knows how to handle himself in any location, with any group of people. This is something important to me, someone who grew up in a city where language and appearance could result in disaster if you stuck out.
13. He tries really hard to be a good dad. He changes diapers, gives baths, and sings songs off pitch. He wrestles and tickles and carries Kiddo. And Kiddo loves him so much, he asks for him every day while Christian is at work.
14. Christian compliments me and says "I love you" every day, at least once, but usually many times.
15. Even after being married for 6 years, it still feels good just to hold his hand.
    
    Happy Anniversary Christian! Life wouldn't be nearly as much of an adventure without you.
    

14 Things Your Parents Never Told You About Money

I thought everyone knew how to balance a checkbook. I thought everyone realized you need to anticipate major payments. I thought everyone knew how to manage their money. I thought these things were taught to everyone because my parents taught me.

I should have known all parents are not created equal.

Because of that, let me share a few helpful hints on how to save yourself some financial grief and protect your credit (and hopefully we all share with our own kids):

1. Every item you pay for with a card doesn't come out of your account immediately. Sometimes it takes a week. Sometimes it is that night. Whenever it comes out, you CANNOT count on your bank balance being accurate.
2. Keep your receipts until a payment shows up on your account.
3. Write every amount in your ledger (or other accounting tracker - spreadsheet, app, whatever).
4. Make payments on time. If you can't, contact the company. They may be able to help you. If you don't do either of these things, your credit is definitely going down and you may be charged fees (Sucks being poor, doesn't it?).
5. If you are forgetful, auto payment is a life saver. That said, you need to anticipate the payment. Set a reminder a week in advance letting you know when the amount will be withdrawn so that you don't spend money that is already spoken for.
6. Never spend more than you earn. Duh...but a lot of people do. To help prevent this, make a weekly budget. This may take some research and time to figure out, but it will help you in the long run.
7. Pay cash. When you have cash, you are more aware of how much you're paying for things and how much money you have remaining. It helps curb your spending.
8. If you have a credit card, keep a low balance. Don't pay it completely off because that will ding your credit (weird but true).
9. If you have big payments, check to make sure they go through. If they don't, you need to contact the company you were paying. Something may be wrong (and you don't want to be charged a fee or get your credit dinged).
10. If you have big loans, try to make as large of payments as possible to pay them down as quickly as possible. The sooner you pay them off, the less you will pay. This is because compound interest will suck you dry over the life of a loan (Ah! Another way rich stay rich and poor stay poor!).
11. Sales are not always good ideas. A sale is only useful if it is an item you actually need at a price you are able to spend that is lower than you can get elsewhere. Sometimes a sale price at one store is higher than a regular price for the same item at another store.
12. Never buy something you don't need, no matter how much you want it, when you have other things you need. Health, food, and shelter always come before a fancy pair of heels or multi-function knife. Always.
13. Health, food, and shelter always come before pets, entertainment and addictions. Diapers and cereal are more important than cable or alcohol or cigarettes. This should be a nobrainer, but some people have no brains soooo....
14. Communicate with your partner and children about money. It will save everyone a great deal of stress and heartache and false expectations.

 What things did your parents teach you about money? What lessons do you intend to teach your kids about money? Leave a comment below!

Post Baby Belly: Nightmares and Fantasies

Raisin.
Dried fig.
A shriveled apricot.

This is the appearance of that excess tummy skin some women are blessed with even months and years after pregnancy.

I have read everything I can about this and I am losing weight slowly but... I still have some wrinkled weird looking jelly belly happening below my belly button. It makes me incredibly self-conscious. I am painfully aware of short shirts that with the slightest movement could display this striped wrinkled monstrosity to the cold light of day.

This is what nightmares are made of. I am not documenting this...well maybe for myself, but not for anyone else to see. That's just not right.

Mine isn't as bad as some women's and I am hopeful that it will eventually find its way back to something close to normal. In the mean time, I forget to anxiously massage lotion into the area more than I would like. I then proceed to stare with critical eyes every trip past a mirror.

What can I do? I didn't realize having a baby would mean I might never be able to have a smooth belly again!

There are things I can do...like lose weight slowly, lotion it up, and drink uber amounts of water...but I am notoriously bad at doing these kinds of things. I mean, I was pretty good before Kiddo, but now I'm lucky if I brush my teeth. If I floss once and brush twice, it's a good day. Seriously.

On a side note, I am amazed more women don't have dental implants by 45. Are our teeth better just long enough to last through child bearing? These are the questions that keep me up at night...

That and my remaining jelly belly.

I'm not as worried about it as I was before starting my exercise regime. Now I feel like most of it will shrink back. I just wish the process was faster. I see all these celebs with their perfect bodies post baby and it makes me really cranky. I mean, why can't I have that?

Oh yeah...

So while I wait for the skin to smooth and the fat to flee, I will try to focus on the positives of the situation: my new eating and exercising habits, and the other bit. You know, that really adorable little person I hang out with on a daily basis. That guy. He's pretty sweet. And he likes to rub my belly like I'm Buddha while he's nursing. Who knows? Maybe I'm lucky several times over. If I'm really lucky, in a year, there won't be any left to rub.

Taking Care of Mommy

Most women will say their baby comes first. Most women will say their life perspective changed some time during pregnancy and their main concerns were related to their child. I would include myself in this however my definition of what comes first is a little different.

Websites talk about needing to take care of yourself when you have a baby. They talk about having a healthy mommy. No one argues with this statement, but there are different interpretations of it. What exactly is a healthy mommy?

For my part, I have to exercise at least 5 days, if not 6 every week. I have compromised my workout length and time of day to allow ease of balancing my parenting responsibilities with this need. That helps keep my body in a good way which is good for Kiddo. I have energy levels that can keep up with his (for now).

But I also need time to write my books, short stories, and blog posts. I need time to shower, brush my teeth, and put on make-up (I don't care what anyone says - this is necessary for me!). I need time to meditate and be alone without agenda. I need adult conversations and professional achievement.

Those are not wants.

So when I don't have them, what happens? Kiddo has an unhealthy mommy.

Some people may say I am selfish and downgrade my needs to wants. They will say I should put my child first and trying to fulfill my "wants" is depriving my child of necessary things like time and attention.

I can tell you right now that when I don't have my needs met, I am not anywhere close to being a good mother. I am distracted, irritated, and whiny. I have no energy and am cold. I am frustrated. I cry randomly. I have no interest in being around my child. I have no interest in being around anyone... until my needs are met.

And once they are? I am a different woman.

Until recently I felt guilty for this. I thought I was a bad mother for needing these things. And then I realized I would be a bad mother if I didn't take care of myself. It isn't selfish to do that - because the reality is when I take care of myself, Kiddo gets the best version of me. He doesn't get conflicting messages. He knows I love him, like to play with him, and will address all of his needs to the best of my ability.

I think there are a lot of women out there who feel the same as I did - guilty for needing things. I am here to tell you: DON'T! Be your best self! Your baby needs that.

Did you feel guilty about taking care of Mommy? Why or why not? Leave a comment below!