Pregnancy: Bringing Out the Best and Worst in People

There's nothing like pregnancy to bring out the best in people. You will see people open doors, let you go ahead in bathroom lines, get you chairs, and serve you because well, you need those things. You can't function without this kind of extra help (I mean, try picking something up off the floor when your center of gravity has completely changed in the span of a week!).

The remarkable thing is that so many people *don't* do those things. I have discovered, especially during the last few months, that while there are some exceptionally wonderful people on this planet, there are also some real schmucks.

I've crossed the street (in the crosswalk WITH the light) and been nearly run over by cars. I stood outside crowded restaurants and had many people notice me without one offering me a chair. I've walked down the street and had smokers continue to smoke their cigarettes without moving them away from me (despite my huge belly). I've been in restaurants and had to wait 40 minutes for someone to take my order (or even drinks!) at 5 months pregnant, all while multiple servers walked past my table. I've had doors slam in my face even though I've been told I look big enough to carry twins (which as every prego lady knows, everyone thinks we all are carrying twins...until you see someone who actually is).

I often wonder if fellow drivers wouldn't honk at me or cut me off if they knew I was pregnant.

It disturbs me how many people act with such a horrible level of incivility and carelessness. What if I was carrying the next Gandhi? Biko? Romero? Pele? You can't know (I could also be carrying the next Manson, but let's hope things swing the other way!).

But the problem isn't the potential of this new person I'm carrying inside me. The problem is that as a prego lady, I'm the canary in the coal mine. I'm an indicator of the direction of society. How people treat me, shows just where we are as a society (and tells you a great deal about the morals and values of the people in a given location).

Interestingly, I met with a great deal of care from strangers in Santa Barbara, Gilroy, and in King City. In Berkeley however, land of grand-standing and championing the voiceless, I was met with...none. Seriously (how embarrassing for you Berkeley!). People saw me - saw my belly - and continued to behave as if I needed no special treatment (like a chair, or well, anything). In fact, most places in the Bay I have received very little care or courtesy from strangers. It's actually rather shocking.

I don't know why the Bay is so discourteous. I don't know why big causes are so much more attractive than personal ones, but surely someone should look into this business.

All I can say is that kiddo is going to learn that holding doors, and offering chairs is no less important than saying "please" and "thank you." In fact, most people would say actions speak louder than words. But of course, it doesn't mean much to just say it.