The Treacherous Path to Government Assistance

I am doing something I never expected to do in a million years. I'm applying for federal and state benefits, aka government assistance.

Because Christian became unemployed quite suddenly, we find ourselves in a situation that is one of the most painful and frightening we've ever been in. We are unable to care for ourselves and need assistance. I find it ironic that right after these programs received a huge cut (courtesy of our beloved representatives who were more interested in getting kickbacks from big corps and people like the Koch brothers than standing up for the American people) I'm having to take advantage of them.

I guess it's nice to know that systems I have paid into will actually serve me. It's amazing how zero to no income will make you eligible for pretty much everything. Yes. I can take comfort in these things.

At first you see, I had to get over my pride. Maybe it was my pride that made me cry off and on for the past 24 hours, rather than real worry about what will happen to us.

I am, at the heart, a middle class girl. I never wanted for anything, but I didn't live lavishly either. Growing up I never worried about a roof over my head or food on the table. I always expected those things to be true. My parents provided these things for me. We didn't need help. What they did financially before I was born was a different chapter, far removed from my experience.

Going from that land of plenty to this stress-filled concrete wasteland of not enough is harsh and jarring. But the reality is, we have to do what we have to do. My life isn't just about me. I have two other people I'm at least somewhat (if not totally) responsible for. I can't sit and mope in my underpants and neglect my basic needs. My kiddo needs me. This, more than anything, removed any last hesitation or reservations I had.

Whether or not I actually get benefits that work for us is a different story. I might qualify for the minimum of one thing while nothing of something else. I may only get enough to get basic staples. I may have to learn how to cook dry beans (my last attempts were DISASTROUS). I may have to figure out how to live without meat (Ugh! That is horrifying! Especially seeing as I'm borderline anemic...).

Tomorrow Christian will apply for unemployment. We'll probably visit the WIC office (that application has to be in person). The food stamp application can be done online, and we'll drum up all of our bills to enter exact numbers so we can figure out exactly what benefits we deserve according to California. We'll put our loans on economic hardship deferment. If we can get all those things done and have time left over (after all, loan companies are notoriously a pain in the butt over the phone) then we'll research job opportunities and things for Christian. Maybe while he's doing that, I'll actually get some writing things done. I feel like that would be an okay compromise, seeing as I'll have to be involved with the other parts of our schedule tomorrow. I feel like my involvement with those other things would be enough to assuage any guilt I have. Plus I may finally be able to concentrate on something dream related once I've dealt with some of our basic needs.  This weekend it's been impossible.

I don't know. We'll just have to see.

I should say, to the interest of everyone involved and reading about my exploits, I've had several dreams that have come true/deja vu moments in the past week. That is both reassuring and annoying. It's reassuring because it means this was meant to happen. It's annoying because it means this was meant to happen.

I really need to have a sit down chat with the guy upstairs.