Surviving The Worst of Babies

I've heard different views on the idea of when a baby is most difficult to parent. I'm only about halfway through babydom, but I've already been through two of the major contenders: the fussy fourth trimester, and the four month sleep regression.

The fourth trimester got a lot of press through Happiest Baby on the Block. The idea is the baby is too young - too immature when they're born. They suddenly realize the discomfort they're feeling sometime around two weeks old and their fussiness tends to peak around six weeks old and doesn't completely disappear until they're around three to four months.

The problem with this fussiness is the fact that you can't do anything to soothe your baby. There is a certain time, around 4 in the afternoon through about 11 at night, where your baby is literally inconsolable. You use as many tactics as you can, but in the end, sometimes the only thing that will stop the cry-fest is sleep.

The second difficult moment of babydom I've experienced is the four month sleep regression. What happens in the sleep regression is your little cherub had established a routine. You knew when they took their naps. You knew when they were ready for bed. You knew when they would nurse etc. Suddenly this routine is thrown out the window. This is because your darling child is transitioning from baby sleeping patterns to adult patterns. This means they have more light sleep therefore they can't stay asleep as long. Instead, they startle themselves awake, to the point that sometimes they want to play for thirty minutes in the middle of the night.

If you thought newborn life involved transitioning into a zombie, you will yearn for brains at the sleep regression.

I'm not sure which I think is worse, or which I prefer. What I do know is I've come up with a few tactics to stay sane during these more difficult periods of life.

1. Invest in a highlighter. No, not the neon kind you used in college - the kind that brightens your face. Seriously. These things are magical. It doesn't matter how little sleep you got last night, this thing is a miracle. If you have the money to spend, go for Benefit's. If you're going cheap, go for Physicians Formula's. Wearing this I've fooled people into thinking I was five years younger than I was while functioning on four hours sleep. No joke!
2. Get comfortable with the Boob Tube. Find like four or five television series you semi-like, and memorize the movie channels that show something reasonable (i.e. something PG). This will be helpful because you won't feel completely isolated on those couch nursing days and when baby is old enough, you have a slight distraction that will allow you to go to the bathroom or brush your teeth.
3. A variety of toys is ALWAYS a good idea, especially for the sleep regression. Kiddo currently loves his plastic keys, small stuffed animals, and anything by Sassy or Taggies. The more complicated the toy, the better. The entertainment value goes up exponentially! Of course, novelty is good (sometimes all you need is a piece of crinkly paper!).
4. Nap! If kiddo looks remotely sleepy, I just put him down. And then I lay down. Seriously. If either one of us misses our naptime, the apocalypse is around the corner.
5. Ibuprofen. For him. For me. For everyone! While this isn't something I'd give kiddo daily, it is something I give him when his gums are bothering him (or if he's sick, of course!). For me, any day when my sleep has been disrupted I don't stint. This is something necessary for life.
6. A no-fuss haircut that fits your face does wonders. I love my haircut because all I have to do is run a little curl defining product through it and it looks fabulous. This goes a long way to banishing any stress that might come from primping while caring for a baby as well as the apparent aging that comes from being sleep deprived. The result? You feel a thousand times better despite missing naptime!
7. Family, friends, and paid help are necessary. Sometimes you need a break. Sometimes you need a helping hand. Whatever the case may be, people in your life give you that extra support that can carry you through the wailing and sleep deprivation.
8. Coffee. I know they say don't rely on coffee to keep you awake when breastfeeding but let's be honest - when there's a question of whether or not you can handle 12 hours of baby care, coffee is a necessary evil.
9. Pacifiers kept my sanity during the most difficult part of the fourth trimester, and they continue to lull kiddo to sleep (as well as function as a teether during a pinch). Unless your kid doesn't like pacis, I really feel they are a useful tool. As a side note, I recommend a tether to go with your pacifier. These things get lost all the time, and a tether minimizes this.
10. This might seem strange, but a chair has made a huge difference for kiddo. He's a social baby, and so being able to sit at the table during meals makes our meal time a lot more relaxed. There are some chair options for younger babies, but generally this is going to be a solution for someone with a baby going through the sleep regression.
11. Never underestimate the power of an eye mask. You might have punctuated sleep at night, but the sleep you do get will be so much better when you strap one of these over your eyes. My favorite is one from REI because it has a little pocket to hold earplugs and has a lip at the bottom inside that prevents any errant light from reaching your bloodshot eyeballs. I'm now on the third one of this model because I like it so much (though I don't usually use the earplugs that come with it).
12. Some people will say you shouldn't wear earplugs to sleep when you need to be able to hear your baby, but I don't have a problem. If I didn't wear earplugs, I'd never sleep (thanks to my snore-tastic husband). So earplugs are another really important weapon in my sanity arsenal, which is why I'm recommending them here (assuming you have pretty good hearing normally and a low level of wax).
13. A cotton (or other washable fabric) scarf makes a really nice necklace substitute (necklaces are a no-go once you reach the grasping stage) that can also sub as a nursing cover or even cover up the puke stains your little alien gave you just after you left the house. My personal favorites are Indian dupattas - they're long, versatile, and often have a bagillion colors that allow them to be worn with a ton of outfits. You can also buy similar items in person at World Market.
14. Establishing processes is crucial. You might not know what your daily routine is, but if you have go to processes to use for everything, changes in your baby's habits are easier to manage. For example, having a sleep routine is really helpful, even if baby decides he doesn't want to go to sleep at the same time every night. Having processes and plans you can use to allow you to do the laundry, use the bathroom, take a shower, or eat lunch are crucial. This is as much as training yourself to expect certain things as it is your baby. Kiddo knows what's going on when I tell him I'm making coffee (oh yes...coffee!) and enjoys watching me go through the steps of different chores.
15. Knowing what your baby likes and giving him or her that thing is something that a lot of people don't talk about. Babies have preferences. Paying attention to those preferences and honoring them makes a huge difference. You can tell when a baby gets excited by their expressions. It's clear if babies want something because they reach for it. When you honor these preferences I think it contributes to your baby's trust in you as well as decreasing his or her general fussiness.

I'm sure there are other things I use to get through the tougher parts of babydom, but these are the things that stick out in my foggy mommy mind. I hope they help you as much as they help me!

Have some other tricks and tips for surviving the worst of babydom? Share them below!