Conversations With Your Kid

There are a number of reasons why people write. For example when I found out I was pregnant, I decided to begin a pregnancy journal so I could document all the different symptoms and feelings I had during pregnancy. Journaling wasn't enough to contain my thoughts and feelings; they began seeping into my blogging. Then it became clear that I needed to have a blog that was devoted to these thoughts and feelings.

When kiddo was born I continued my journal (and my blog). The journal was important because it turned into an extended letter to my son. It was no longer just my thoughts and feelings, but also what he was doing. It wasn't about my body – but about his birth had changed my life in a very permanent and tangible way.

I noticed, some time during this whole process, that I began reacting to current events and various topics differently than I had before motherhood. This was around the time that my father mentioned how he was planning on writing letters to kiddo. He wasn't sure when they should all be opened, or if they would be about specific topics, or just wandering thoughts inspired by the events of a given day.

This got me thinking a little more about the guidance and wisdom I wanted to impart on my son. What stories did I want to share with him? What words will he need at different times in his life? I've always been able to say what I meant in writing a little bit better than when speaking, in part because of a lack of inhibition which I always feel in person (for those who know me well, this might be frightening – Alexis! Inhibited? Dear LORD! What would she be like otherwise?!). I don't know if I will feel that way with kiddo, but I want to make sure I don't stint on the tips, tricks, lessons, and wisdom I've picked up over the years.

This is how I decided not only to write letters to kiddo but also to offer the option for other parents (and grandparents if they like!) to share their stories with the young people in their lives. What could be better than to have these words written – documented - so that the child can refer back to these stories over and over again as needs arise?

It's true that anyone could write these letters at home, but they wouldn't include all the little tidbits they could, or focus on all the particular topics that children so need guidance in. Also there's the added benefit of getting second, third, and fourth opinions about the content and form of these keepsakes in the class setting (something impossible when writing them away from like-minded classmates). For these reasons, brainstorming and writing these letters in a group setting is extremely beneficial.

For those of you living in Santa Barbara, Goleta, and the surrounding areas, I hope to see you next Sunday at 1 PM in the Santa Barbara Birth Center Annex meeting room on State Street. You can be pregnant, postpartum, or even a grandma (or grandpa!) to attend. The first drop-in is FREE! So come join us and see what all the fuss is about. We'd love to have you and I know the little ones in your life will think it was time and money well spent for years to come!

Three Things All Mommies Need

One way you can recharge!

The other day I wrote to get out some disturbing thoughts. As soon as I wrote them down I felt better - I had released those thoughts and their hold on me was completely gone. It was refreshing, cathartic, and relieving. I had no idea I'd been carrying all that ick around with me until I committed it to paper.

I mention this because I've noticed a few things that women after they become mothers:

1. Me Time - This is time when a woman can be just a woman by herself, separate from baby, spouse, and anything or anyone else. Personally, I like taking long baths for this purpose.
2. Dress-up - Okay this sounds a little girlish when you first read that, but it's important to dress-up like you're going out every now and again. I mean makeup, nice shoes, nice clothes, and jewelry. It makes you feel like an adult, even if you're just going to get groceries. I tend to do this even when I'm staying at home because I don't want to get slovenly.
3. Adult Time - This could mean time with friends or just your partner. Either way, it generally involves conversations that use three syllable words, with topics other than poop or spit-up.

While mommy specific classes don't necessarily require dress-up, they can fulfill the other two pieces of the mommy need triangle. I'm pretty sure teaching my classes will do that for my students, and even a little bit for me, which is why I'm so excited. I got a taste of adulthood this past Saturday at Christian's work holiday party and it reinvigorated me. I dressed up, I spent time alone doing my hair, and I got a significant dose of adult time. The result? I was flying high all day Sunday (you can ask the church band what I was like during practice!). I had no idea I was missing this kind of thing so much or that it was so important to my overall mood.

The moral of this story is whether or not mothers take a class, we all need to make time for ourselves in these three ways. It is how we can take care of ourselves, and when we take care of ourselves, we are better able to take care of our babies making us much better mothers.

How do you take care of your needs after becoming a mother? Leave a comment below!

Writing Classes for Moms!

I am sooo excited about my new project and I hope you will be too. I'm starting some writing classes for Santa Barbara County moms in different stages of their motherhood journey.

You can check out the different classes/focuses and some of the details on my class page (click the button above!). They are a rare thing, these parental writing classes, but I know for the students who choose to participate, they will have an enriching and wonderful experience. Women will get "me time," as well as a way to connect to other mothers. They'll have a safe, non-judgmental, and confidential space in which to express themselves about their experiences of different aspects motherhood.

As for the benefits to me, I get to combine three things I love: writing, teaching, and kiddo (well, babies in general!). Plus, I'll be able to be a mom without too much trouble - some of the classes I'll be able to have kiddo with me. It really is the perfect solution and I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner!

I have the overall themes for the classes determined (as you can tell from the info page). I'm also researching locations for the classes (I have a few different ideas and I'll choose the one that makes the most sense for the class goals and needs.). Once I have locations set, I'll determine times. As this is happening, I'm going to firm up the class plans and number of sessions. Thus far, two of the classes have a specific number of sessions, while the other two will be determined once I have confirmed class plans etc.

Then I'll need to start contacting different organizations, print out fliers, put up ads etc about the classes to connect to potential students. I know there will be interest.

I know this is going to be a great thing for everyone involved and I just can't wait to get started. It really is the perfect thing for me, and I know it will be great for the participants as well.

If you know people who would be interested in participating in these classes, please have them contact me through the contact form (click button above) or Twitter (@alexisdonkin).