The Best Kind of Support

First and foremost... 38 WEEKS TODAY! WOOHOO!

There are two things that have been running around in my mind that I wanted to mention.

One is that last week our church that we have only attended since late March, early April, threw us a baby shower. There were people there who gave us gifts that I hadn't seen before and still don't know their names. While this makes writing "Thank You" notes more than a little difficult (especially with a sketchy gift list), it was an amazing feeling. Through the last two months Christian and I have been anxiously trying to figure out all kinds of things relating to our situation and this act by this community reminded us in a very tangible way that we are loved and cared for. There are people looking out for us, and good things are still coming our way despite everything.

The second thing I wanted to share with you is the first in a series of three books that I'm planning on publishing about pregnancy. Uncertain Transformation isn't just a collection of poetry about my pregnancy, but also the difficult situation we've been going through this summer. It is a quick read (chapbook size) and any time you purchase it, the royalties are going directly to help make things happen for us. I really recommend it for people who have been or are pregnant as well as people going through difficult times. I think the poems really give voice to those feelings of anger, despair, hope, and joy that crisis situations create.

Thank you again to everyone who has helped us this summer (and continues to help us). You really have made a very scary time into a period filled with friendship, love, and hope. We couldn't be more blessed to have you all in our lives.

Gifts, Revelations, and Discoveries

What a busy weekend!

my goodies

Saturday was my second baby shower (or celebration?). This one was in Santa Barbara and the result was a huge outpouring of love and care. Needless to say, kiddo will definitely be set for the first year.

I should also add, at the shower, Christian wanted me to share kiddo's sex. So I did. Kiddo is a boy, or at least, that's what the ultrasound tech (and my mother) assure me. Yes, we already have a name picked out. However, for the purposes of this blog I think I'll continue to call him kiddo the majority of the time (until his birth...and even then...his blogger name may always be kiddo...with a lower case k for some reason. :-/).

I even got some sweet hand-me-downs in addition to my gifts (including maternity wear which I'll begin modelling tomorrow) that I'm really excited about. Probably the ones I'm the most excited about are the books (come on guys, I'm an academic at heart - of course I love the books!).

This influx of goodies for kiddo led me to satisfy my nesting instinct (which I also used to order my starter cloth diapering stash using a large gift certificate from a friend).

Now I just have to figure out everything else... *sigh*

As part of my quest for security and exploration of things (or at least understanding) I discovered several things since coming to Santa Barbara county:

1. Kiddo loves Reiki. My mother does Reiki for her patients and was gracious enough to do that for me one night. He was SUPER active the ENTIRE time (about an hour). It was the most active I'd felt him despite it being a normally active period.
2. Kiddo loves my dad's sermons...or my dad's church music. Not sure which. All I know is that he was INCREDIBLY active during the entire sermon and fairly active during the rest of church on Sunday.
3. Even a slight decrease in hydration makes a HUGE difference in my

   

   lovely swelling!

   swelling (temperature certainly doesn't help). My feet have been ginormous since I came to SB county, and the heat here has made it difficult to keep up my hydration. I almost have it down...4 days later (I'll let you know if it continues to reach epic proportions.).
4. I am definitely in the home stretch - and my body is letting me know through aches, pains, and belly tiger striping.

Even though I still have a lot of things yet to figure out, and the stress still gets to me (I do continue to cry randomly) it's these little discoveries that bring me back to the present. I was reminded by many to enjoy this time. This is, after all, my first. Kiddo will always be first. There will never be another. He will change my relational identity from wife, sister, and daughter by adding something new - mother. Once a person becomes a parent, there's no going back. Mother is forever. Second and third children are different - certainly special, but in different ways. The first child is the one who initiates the biggest change (he's kicking his agreement as I type this).

So, I will relish this calm before the storm. I will continue to enjoy his movements and speak softly to him. I will sing lullabies and dream dreams. These are the quiet times I'll store in my heart. And when he's 25, I'll repeat these things in front of his significant other just to embarrass him because, well, why not?

Registering My Anxiety: Worrying About Baby Registries

As my baby showers get nearer, I'm wondering about every little thing on my registry. I'm wondering if I registered for the things I will really use and need. I'm wondering if because I registered on Amazon a whole bunch of people won't even look at my registry because they're not tech saavy (think: the sweet church women who are over 75). I'm wondering if the people who look at the registry will even bother with buying the things I requested. I'm wondering if I should have less clothes on there because well, I want the other things on there more (actually, of the non-essentials I'm most excited about books. I'm such a writer!). Then of course, I also feel a little guilty for putting so much on the list, but...this is my first and I've got limited resources at the moment so I only feel a little guilty. :-/

What makes it worse is that everything I've read gives conflicting advice. The only thing that seems to be universal is that "team green" is the safest way to get gifts off your registry. Mostly this is because people buy clothes for girls and random crap for boys (toys?). People tend not to buy things on the list when they know the sex. I guess that's one more good reason not to tell people...

Even writing this I feel like a gift grabber. :-( But I can't help it. I've got limited income and this is my first kid. I don't have a foundation of gear to rely on (another reason to keep early stuff "team green"). Everything on my list was carefully thought through because I want it to last. I want it to be useable with #2 if there is one (I'm 90% sure there will be, but we'll see how round 1 goes). That's one of the reasons I'm primarily cloth diapering (sposie users - spare me the poop comments and the grimaces). I don't want to spend 1000s annually that will basically just get stuffed into a landfill.

Incidentally...I really hope I get diaper covers. Really.

Don't worry, I have a plan in place if the registry doesn't work out like it should. Is it solid? Mostly (badumcha!). And the reality is if I get a ton of clothes, they will be useful (assuming they're not in newborn sizes!). And I'm pretty excited about some of the handmade things I know I'm getting (my aunt is making a blanket!). These things are useful and obviously not all on the registry (though they are similar to things listed).

I also know, from my wedding gifts, that I may have missed something. One of the most useful gifts I got at my wedding shower was something I didn't register for (a casserole dish - not sexy, but I have used that thing constantly!).

For those gifts that just won't work for our lifestyle, they're getting returned. Remember: we live in a tiny loft. Exersaucers are a bad idea for us. Anything big and bulky, no matter how highly reviewed is getting exchanged. Pretty much anything that squeaks, honks, or whirs is getting returned for my personal sanity. I have a cat. She yowls enough. I don't need a baby toy band.

Now I just have the nail-biting wait. Maybe it's gouche to wonder aloud, but I can't help it (and let's face it - everybody does it!). What will I get? How much will I have to spend (and scramble while waddling)? The suspense is killing me!

In the mean time, I'll try to focus on writing and organzing my life. These are big enough distractions I don't think I'll have time to wonder about baby gear... Ahem. Right.

If I keep telling myself that, it might come true? Right? Right???