A Dad & Partner

When I was younger I always saw myself as getting married and having kids, but I wasn't sure anyone could ever hold my attention long enough to actually commit. I mean, I fell in love easily enough. I fell hard several times. I was infatuated ten times that number. I could see the beauty in people, so it was easy for me to love them. But to live with them? To stay with them forever? To get married?

I don't think so.

I wasn't sure I would ever find someone who was interesting enough to hold my attention past two years. Honestly.

And then I met Christian.

*Blinks*

Christian is a comfort. We can wax poetical about the finer points of pop sci-fi, delve into the nuts and bolts of furniture design, or stoke each other's fury over the state of the world. He knows how to handle himself in a crisis and can navigate any social situation with relative ease.

Christian is also a challenge. He thinks about the world in the way that I dream up stories - it is dizzying, epic, and spectacular. He comes to things with the careful wisdom of an octogenarian and the emotional ride of a twenty something. He is a strange combination of caution and risk, observation and oblivion, tradition and avant garde.

Committed to parenthood, he intentionally works to grow as a father, just as he continues to do so as a spouse.

He is beautiful and wondrous. And I am so grateful for him.

Happy Birthday, to my life partner and best friend. We love you!

My Hot Mom Bod

The week before my wedding candid.

It's been a while since I talked about how I'm doing physically, so I thought I'd give you an update.

First, let me apologize for not having full body photos because, well, I personally hate selfies with the phone in the mirror. So I don't take them, which means I don't have any recent full body shots. You'll have to make do with my pre-marriage face compared to my current face (which, you will note, is remarkably similar!).

That is because I am officially wearing clothes I wore before getting married, when I was my thinnest. Yep. I'm back to a size 6, and shrinking. I bought a pair of shorts that were a size 6. I recently wore a mini dress and loved it. I feel FANTASTIC! Is my body the same shape? No! Of course not! My ribs are wider. My hips are wider. My breasts are different. Even my feet are different! Is my skin all back to where it used to be? Uh, no. I need to get rid of some serious subdermal fat to get there, BUT all in all, I feel good in my skin and my body.

I am stronger than I've ever been, even when I was working out religiously. That is because of toddler training.

Moms do not talk about this, and maybe it isn't so with everyone, but for me, running around with my toddler is more than enough of a workout. I do not need to lift weights. I lift my toddler. I do not need to do plyometrics. I jump like a frog with my toddler.

A few weeks ago - same elven features!

The list goes on, but I won't bore you with the details. The summation is - active toddlers = workouts. Period. That's all you need to know.

Oh, and one other, itsy bitsy thing - extended breastfeeding.

Honestly, I am ready to wean. There are moments when I love the added closeness it gives Kiddo and me, but I could really use a break. And breaks mean, well, the end. I'm ready for him to stop waking in the middle of the night howling for me. Seriously ready.

But I can't deny how breastfeeding has helped me get to a healthier physical state (along with the obvious toddler training). So, even though I'm annoyed with it at this point (generally), I'm grateful for it too.

The difficulty now is to figure out how to wean, execute this plan, and maintain my healthy state. I'll let you know when I figure that one out. In the mean time, let me know any tips and tricks you have for doing that below!

Making Summer Memories

The last few weeks, while including days from motherhood hell (read: 20 tantrums plus in a single day with severe sleep deprivation), also had some serious fun.

Kiddo got to see two minor league baseball games, which he loves. He loves sports and so he really enjoyed watching the players and listening to us explain what was happening on the field. Having a ton of snacks didn't hurt either.

Also, we did end up marching around the bleachers. Sometimes it was Mommy or Daddy doing this, and sometimes it was Grandad. Fortunately most of the fans found Kiddo adorable, so they smiled graciously despite his loud clomping around.

Daddy and Kiddo got some boy-bonding fun time playing soccer and ripping up leaves, as well as checking out a clock shop and wandering around little Californian towns. We also checked out a really awesome playground, and got to see the miniature horse farm.

Kiddo: I want ride!
*blink*
Mommy: I don't think we can do that.
Kiddo: I want pet!
Mommy: Well, they have signs up saying not to put your fingers in the enclosure so...

Despite the limitations of the visit, Kiddo really liked the horses. Then again, he's in love with animals of all kinds and has already expressed his desire for a dog (The rule is absolutely not at least until he can clean up dog poop.).

Kiddo also tried his first health smoothie, which despite not liking cold things, he drank a fair amount of.

To top it off, he got to hang out with his baby cousin and one of his older cousins in the same day. There were bubbles, bats, Sesame Street and Cheerios involved. It was a dream come true.

While the tantrum days aren't very fun, these other experiences more than make up the difference. I am so glad we get to do these things together. It is such a joy to make memories like these, and I look forward to many more.

Big Transitions: Potties and Rooms

Last week I started two different posts, and never finished them. I thought about another five more...and didn't write them.

BUT...now I have a few different things to write about Kiddo because this past week ended up being a major one...like a whole MASSIVE Kiddo C-change.

Namely, we got Kiddo a potty and transitioned him to his own room and bed.

*GASP*

Yes, folks, it was CRAZINESS. And while there were a number of other things that happened, I'll save that for next week. These I think, are more than enough for one blog post. Frankly...I'm going crazy now.

Potty Time

On a whim this past Friday we bought a potty. It was the cheapest multi-stage potty I've seen ($13 for a stool, potty, transition seat situation) and so I snagged it. We've been discussing potties for a while, what happens when people go, how to go etc. We've talked about underwear. We read a few library books about potties....but this was the first major step in the direction of potty training.

Honestly, I think my parents were more excited about it that I was, mostly because it will save everyone a lot of money. A few months back we switched over to sposies entirely because:

1. Kiddo no longer fit in his cloth covers.
2. The cloth diapers no longer had enough asorbancy.
3. I would have to upgrade my entire stash to make things work.
4. And you know, we kind of have the WORST DROUGHT EVER. I couldn't stomach washing his dipes daily with double rinses etc.

With sposies on all the time, while it is convenient, I feel guilty every time I put them in the garbage. Also, I hate how expensive they are, knowing what I know about cloth stashes. It's a bit of a Catch 22, lose-lose situation.

SO the POTTY is really attractive for those reasons as well. That and there is the possibility of really exciting underwear for Kiddo (which if I can get motorcycles, sports, or Sesame Street characters, it will DEFINITELY be an incentive.).

Thus far, Kiddo sits on the potty with the lid up but not with his pants down. He decorated it with stickers, but he's not interested in actually using it. He does comment about when he's going. Sometimes he even requests potty time, but we still haven't made any kind of effort at getting him to actually fill it. Still, his love of his potty is encouraging. We may yet be potty trained this summer, and that would be VERY exciting.

Big Boy Bed

The transition to Kiddo's own room and bed has been a mixed bag. The first night he took twice as long to get to sleep because he was looking around the room, at his night-light, playing with his giraffe, etc. In the middle of the night he woke up, wailed, and only went back to sleep when I went in to nurse him. About 4 hours later he woke up wailing wanting to nurse again.

Needless to say, that night I did not get very much sleep.

The second night however, went better. He fell asleep faster and there was less wailing (even though I did end up going in twice). He seems to like the idea it is his bed and his room. Kiddo got very excited when he realized his clothes were in the closet and dresser.

2nd night with his motorcycle pillow, dolly, and kitty.

So we'll continue along this path with the bed and room. Hopefully we'll get to a place where he no longer needs me in the middle of the night. I hope that is in the near future, but I'll settle for a few months down the road (Am I too optimistic?).

Other Transitions

Beyond the potty and his own room, Kiddo is clearly becoming a child. There is no trace of infant in him. He asks questions and uses full sentences. He requests things, tells stories which are increasingly understandable, and follows two part instructions.

There are parts of me that see this and mourn the loss of the baby he used to be. Still, I celebrate as he progresses, knowing as he moves through life, things like good story-telling and full sentences are not only helpful, but necessary.

Smiling to Wailing and Back Again

Ugh.

That is how I would describe the past five days.

Just...ugh.

This kid is driving me up a wall. Sometimes he cries because he's frustrated: the blocks won't stack. The stacking rings don't lock in place. Grover doesn't sit astride the Ducati Diavel.

Other times, he just...cries.

And I have no frickin' clue what the hell is going on. Really. None. It's not that he's hungry, or tired, or even teething. It's not that he hasn't gotten to play or read or whatever. Every concievable need is met, and yet... crying. Total meltdown.

Oh sure. Sometimes he willfully does things he is not supposed to do and he suffers the consequences of such actions, like not being able to play outside. But really, the crying is just...dumb. And annoying when redirecting doesn't work any more.

I've heard about this phase. I've read moms talking about it on forums and in articles on parenting sites, but really guys, being in it is a LOT worse than reading about it. And the advice...does NOT work. Yeah. Pretty sure we're in the lovely toddler wonder week thing.

They should have medication for parents specifically for this time. I mean, besides wine and ibuprofen.

I jest. I know it is temporary. I know it will end. And I know he will be graduating from college when I blink. So I'll cling to the moment of discovery and joy - the dimpled smiles, giggling, counting to 5 for the first time, stacking 8 blocks without them falling, telling understandable stories about toys and activities. I'll hold those in my mind and grit my teeth until he goes to sleep on the rough days.

Yeah.

And drink a beer.