Raising White: Recognizing Privilege and Becoming an Ally

You might not know this about me, but I'm white. Like pasty super white. My husband is impossibly whiter than me. And our kid?

Kiddo glows.

I love our son. He is a sweet boy and I hope he grows up to be a wonderful human being. That is why I have to reconcile myself to the fact that I have to work to make him recognize how white he is.

Somehow, against every male disregard for bodily care I've encountered, I have to convince him to use sunblock. Now it's easy because he thinks it's a game and it's an excuse to get attention from Mommy. So it works - although the added treat of going outside doesn't hurt.

Of course, getting him to wear sunblock is one thing. One minor thing in the course of life when compared to the fact that he is white. HE is WHITE.

A white boy, who will hopefully grow into a white man. I gave birth to a potential white man.

Some people will ignore the issue. White moms will ignore the issue. White dads will ignore the issue, as though it doesn't bear talking about. It isn't a thing. Except of course, it is. Being white is definitely a thing.

I like Louis C.K.'s bit about being white. He says not that white people are better than other people, but that being white is absolutely better because it comes with the privilege package. The privilege package means white people can pretty much go anywhere and do whatever we want. We are part of the dominant culture of America. Institutions function under WASP rules. The more WASP you are, the better things are for you. The more WASP you are, the more likely doors will open for you, even if you get caught doing something really, really, bad.

So how, as a parent, do I show Kiddo this privilege? How as a parent do I help him to realize where he fits in this crazy social hierarchy? How as a parent do I show him how he can be an ally? A respectful, compassionate, educated ally?

Well, first, I think Sesame Street is a good start. Seriously. Sesame Street is my new favorite show. It's got families of all different iterations. It's got kids of all different iterations. It's got different cultures represented. Everything in that show emphasizes diversity without coming right out and saying that.

Except for the preponderance of white actors doing the word of the day thing it's perfect, but I think we can chalk that up to Hollywood's failure and not Sesame Street as an enterprise.

So after Sesame Street? Well, I'm sending Kiddo to public school, despite people like Scott Walker or Andrew Cuomo or laws like No Child Left Behind.

Why? Because public school is awesome.

Public school is one of the places where different classes, ethnicities, and family structures can be discovered. Exposure is one of the best ways to understand diversity. Exposure is one of the best ways for people to feel comfortable and embrace difference. It was definitely part of my education, even though no curriculum was involved.

And along those lines, I'm taking Kiddo to cultural festivals. As soon as he's old enough, we're going to volunteer at different organizations that address social justice gaps in society. With any luck, we'll live in a diverse city. If not a diverse city, I hope we will have a home in a location surrounded by people who do NOT look like us.

I am convinced this is the best way for Kiddo to learn about his privilege and to respect the diversity and beauty of American pluralism. I feel it is my responsibility as a parent to make sure he is not isolated in a bubble of whiteness in some suburban ranch home, working on his white male entitlement.

Children are our future. That is true. But nurture helps to shape them. As parents we have to ask ourselves, what kind of future are we raising?